Inter-generational oppression

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IDEAtor

IDEAtor

Senior Member
#21
Aug 15, 2012
827
19
18
#21
God, we pray for Rickyz' parents. Open their eyes to the abuse that they experience and help them to make safer and wiser decisions. Lord, you know his brother's heart and why his brain is the way it is, why he behaves how he does. So, Lord,
please change something about the situation, so there is less hate, abuse, and laziness. Help Rickyz and his wife to not harden their hearts against the brother. Instead, show then how to love the one who continually persecutes. I pray God that
something happens, in the brother's heart, mind, mind or otherwise that gets him to cry out to you. And I pray that
as you answer, the healing will begin. God, have your way with that family. And remind Rickyz to share his praise with CC, to show yet again that you answer all kinds of prayers. Your will be done, amen.
 
J

ji

Guest
#22
#22
RickyZ said:
Last November my 88 year old mother fell and broke her hip while doing her 54 year old son's dishes. The wife and I have put aside somewhat our issue with them (mom and dad) to visit her (she's been in a rehab facility since the surgery). Every time we go down there they lay a guilt trip on me about how they need 'someone to cook for dad once or twice a week' like I had been doing, saying it's not right that he eat takeout every single night. Last weekend I took them a batch of homemade spaghetti sauce. My dad turned it down, saying they hadn't eaten the last thing I made for them 5 weeks ago. It's still sitting in the freezer.

Can someone give me a reason as to why I should ever do anything for those ungrateful people again?
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Romans 5:8 KJV. That is the reason.Yes,i know things are not easy.But With God All Things Are Possible.
Otherwise i should be in jail for murder or ended my life due to condemnation from killing someone.Love of God changed me,after endless wrestling with God and finally, i surrendered to God's Love.Let it Go in God even if things take time.It's worth it.Because God can take us to Eternity in Heaven,hatred cannot.
Whatever the situation,first start Forgiving them from Heart.God will Help,if you Pray.He will be patient,no matter who is not.
Just take the step,He will do it for you..
God Bless:)
 
RickyZ

RickyZ

Senior Member
#23
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
113
#23
IDEAtor said:
God, we pray for Rickyz' parents. Open their eyes to the abuse that they experience and help them to make safer and wiser decisions. Lord, you know his brother's heart and why his brain is the way it is, why he behaves how he does. So, Lord,
please change something about the situation, so there is less hate, abuse, and laziness. Help Rickyz and his wife to not harden their hearts against the brother. Instead, show then how to love the one who continually persecutes. I pray God that
something happens, in the brother's heart, mind, mind or otherwise that gets him to cry out to you. And I pray that
as you answer, the healing will begin. God, have your way with that family. And remind Rickyz to share his praise with CC, to show yet again that you answer all kinds of prayers. Your will be done, amen.
Click to expand...
Amen my friend. Thank you.
 
P

presidente

Senior Member
#24
May 29, 2013
9,091
1,754
113
#24
I imagine a scenario that involves a tazer that might let you have a somewhat peaceful visit, but that would work once, and technically, it would be assault, so I won't share that.

Is there something mentally wrong with your brother, btw?

I don't know the best way to handle a situation like this. If they can't drive, they can't meet you at a restaurant. I suppose you could pick them up in the driveway and take them out to eat and leave the brother at home. I don't like the idea of giving parents and ultimatum about coming to see them. If you can get the firstborn to go with you as a peacemaker, maybe you could work something out.

If you went to visit them before 4 PM, would the brother be asleep?
 
RickyZ

RickyZ

Senior Member
#25
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
113
#25
Yeah I've thought of the tazer, among other things, and it's not assault if you can get them to swing first :)

It's more than mental issues - it's demonic, and manifests in a myriad ways in the flesh. Our family has always been very spiritually connected, and very spiritually oppressed. Many in the family are unbelievers who lean heavily against, my brother and his father profess but live under an oppression they welcome and empower. The day we had the fight, I saw it vividly, wrapped around him like a winter coat. The one time my mother stood up for me, it rose up with him to rebuke her harshly. It's a satanic stronghold, a familial one. And I can't cast demons out of people who don't want to let them go.

I cooked my mom a meal, bought take out for dad, and we had lunch with them today at the care home. It was difficult, and mom wasn't doing well. I pray she goes home soon, that she stop suffering. I pray the rest of them stop suffering as well, but when they embrace it what more can I do?
 
RickyZ

RickyZ

Senior Member
#26
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
113
#26
The situation has not improved. In fact, when I again confronted dad with his error he called me "an effing piece of poo" (he used the actual f and s words). The only reason I have maintained any contact has been for the sake of my mom, who is in poor shape. But it seems that with me out of the way, they have gelled into whatever sick triad it is they always wanted to be.

My wife and I hate L.A., if you ever wanted to see an example of love grown cold all you have to do is spend a little time there. That is why I am currently in Minnesota, looking for an apartment near my wife's family. We plan to split our time over the winter between LA and Minnesota, and if we can bear the cold we will move there full time next spring. We are both approaching our 60's, and that's getting late in life to start a new life. We cannot really wait much longer to start this process. But, of course, my dad is laying on a guilt trip about abandoning them, particularly in reference to my ailing mom. I do feel bad about leaving mom, but frankly my dad lost me forever with that effing p. o. s. attack. I worked too hard for too many years to help them to suffer that kind of lack of appreciation and respect.

I think I may have found a great place. Do I pull the trigger and rent it, or do I bite the bullet and stay in LA for mom's sake? Keep in mind that her family has a long history of lingering in illness forever, and I don't think it's smart to wait any longer to do what is best for my wife and I. The stress of LA is really damaging our relationship. I see only bad things happening in staying any longer.

I would appreciate any advice or thoughts you might have on this. Your prayers too. If it makes any difference, your prayer covering over my travel (in another thread) has resulted in a small miracle. I don't want to say that was God saying go for it, but...

Thank you for your consideration and responses.
 
L

LRG

Banned
#27
Jun 14, 2014
312
2
0
#27
RickyZ said:
The situation has not improved. In fact, when I again confronted dad with his error he called me "an effing piece of poo" (he used the actual f and s words). The only reason I have maintained any contact has been for the sake of my mom, who is in poor shape. But it seems that with me out of the way, they have gelled into whatever sick triad it is they always wanted to be.

My wife and I hate L.A., if you ever wanted to see an example of love grown cold all you have to do is spend a little time there. That is why I am currently in Minnesota, looking for an apartment near my wife's family. We plan to split our time over the winter between LA and Minnesota, and if we can bear the cold we will move there full time next spring. We are both approaching our 60's, and that's getting late in life to start a new life. We cannot really wait much longer to start this process. But, of course, my dad is laying on a guilt trip about abandoning them, particularly in reference to my ailing mom. I do feel bad about leaving mom, but frankly my dad lost me forever with that effing p. o. s. attack. I worked too hard for too many years to help them to suffer that kind of lack of appreciation and respect.

I think I may have found a great place. Do I pull the trigger and rent it, or do I bite the bullet and stay in LA for mom's sake? Keep in mind that her family has a long history of lingering in illness forever, and I don't think it's smart to wait any longer to do what is best for my wife and I. The stress of LA is really damaging our relationship. I see only bad things happening in staying any longer.

I would appreciate any advice or thoughts you might have on this. Your prayers too. If it makes any difference, your prayer covering over my travel (in another thread) has resulted in a small miracle. I don't want to say that was God saying go for it, but...

Thank you for your consideration and responses.
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You do what is best for you and your wife because that is your primary concern. The leave and cleave.

Your family of origin is very dysfunctional and you won't fix them. They will take you down with them if you let them.

You can always visit your mom occasionally but you don't have to live there.
 
L

LRG

Banned
#28
Jun 14, 2014
312
2
0
#28
I ran out of time yesterday so here is some insight. At the very least your family is dysfunctional with the roles of golden child and scapegoat. Are you the scapegoat? Sounds like it to me. Is there addiction or narcissism in your family? If so that would explain the golden child and scapegoat roles. It also sounds like your mom is an enabler.

The only way this kind of family will work is if everyone plays their role. If you break out of your role then you will be rejected. And if you are the scapegoat then you have already been rejected a long time ago. That is what I see based on what you have described. Looks like your parent's are keeping your brother dependent and you are seen as the bad guy and anything you do is either not acknowledged or appreciated. That is the scapegoat role.

For your own sake you must break out of this role. You must stop trying to get your parent's love and/or approval. It won't work. I have a similar situation with an alcoholic dad who has been dead for over 20 years and a narcissistic mother and a golden child older sister. I am the scapegoat of my family and I tried for decades only to get ignored and/or dumped on. I realized that no matter what I do it doesn't matter so why bother trying? My mother doesn't want a relationship with me she just wants someone to dump on and abuse. Well, I have no sticker on me that says garbage dump so I decided to go no contact. It took a long time to get to this point but basically if my family wants to resolve things and have a relationship then fine but if all they want is someone to dump on and abuse then no dice.

Maybe you need to do the same. But I think physical distance would be good for you and your wife so I think you should move. You'll get used to the cold.
 
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