A
Well if you can understand whats going on with me, i will be amazed. Hmmm where to start, I got saved at 20, i was so strong for the Lord, i remember never wanting to seperate. Ever. Then slowly its like i started drifting and getting involved with girls. Then soon it was sex. I joined the navy, and i remember praying before i went, and imagining running from my sin, and not giving in, i felt like it was a test of God. But i failed. I tryed to fight, but i would go into sin. I am not bad looking ya know,
So girls were so easy to pick up. But i remember crying out to God, and asking him, why am i doing this, I know its wrong, why am i smoking, why am i chasing girls its wrong. But its like i would go right back to it. And soon i started to feel like im the worst Christian, becuase i sinning on purpose. Buts its like it had a hold on me. But i knew i had to go back to him. Everytime i saw someone preaching on the Lord, i felt convicted, but i never denyed our Father, i always listened to them, and told them my situation.
Now i am 23, its been 3 years since my reborn date. I started feeling physically week. Almost like i would die. I couldnt sleep when i sinned purposely, i kept getting panic attacks as if God would snatch me out of this world at any moment, and i knew it was from sin. Or at least I think so. So i went back to Chruch, and confessed and repented. And the closer i Got to God, the more it hurts now. The more i see who i was, and what I did. And i hate myself for it. Heres the strange part. Im in so much pain. My heart feels hard or something. I have difficulty breathing, and a heaviness. I dont know if it is the lord Chastening. But i heard other people tell me, it is impossible to repent unless God is leading you to do it. But why do I feel like he is not here waiting for me. Like maybe i went to far, and he has no sacrifice left for me, or this is my punishment. I never denyed he was Christ, but i did, sin sometimes on purpose, out of weakness and lust. I wish i could take it all back. I hate sin, i never want to do it again, i just want to serve Jesus.
What shoud I do, why do i feel this pain, will God take me back? Man i wish i never backslid. I want to be Holy. I want to be in Gods family for real. I feel the spirit, sometimes, but sometimes i think im just imagining, but this peace comes over me, and something tells me not to give up, and to keep seeking Jesus, is that my faith?? or just head knowledge? Someone please help me.. Im going crazy chasing God. I want his touch again.
So girls were so easy to pick up. But i remember crying out to God, and asking him, why am i doing this, I know its wrong, why am i smoking, why am i chasing girls its wrong. But its like i would go right back to it. And soon i started to feel like im the worst Christian, becuase i sinning on purpose. Buts its like it had a hold on me. But i knew i had to go back to him. Everytime i saw someone preaching on the Lord, i felt convicted, but i never denyed our Father, i always listened to them, and told them my situation.
Now i am 23, its been 3 years since my reborn date. I started feeling physically week. Almost like i would die. I couldnt sleep when i sinned purposely, i kept getting panic attacks as if God would snatch me out of this world at any moment, and i knew it was from sin. Or at least I think so. So i went back to Chruch, and confessed and repented. And the closer i Got to God, the more it hurts now. The more i see who i was, and what I did. And i hate myself for it. Heres the strange part. Im in so much pain. My heart feels hard or something. I have difficulty breathing, and a heaviness. I dont know if it is the lord Chastening. But i heard other people tell me, it is impossible to repent unless God is leading you to do it. But why do I feel like he is not here waiting for me. Like maybe i went to far, and he has no sacrifice left for me, or this is my punishment. I never denyed he was Christ, but i did, sin sometimes on purpose, out of weakness and lust. I wish i could take it all back. I hate sin, i never want to do it again, i just want to serve Jesus.
What shoud I do, why do i feel this pain, will God take me back? Man i wish i never backslid. I want to be Holy. I want to be in Gods family for real. I feel the spirit, sometimes, but sometimes i think im just imagining, but this peace comes over me, and something tells me not to give up, and to keep seeking Jesus, is that my faith?? or just head knowledge? Someone please help me.. Im going crazy chasing God. I want his touch again.
