Just looking to get this off my chest!

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Blue3Falcon

Guest
#1
#1
I guess I'm not really seeking any advice. I'm just stuck in a situation where theres not really anyone I can talk to about it. So I thought maybe I could tell all of you and find some comfort. I've been going to this amazing church for the last seven months and have made many close friends. One guy friend who I have fallen very hard for. He is very sweet and we have tons in common. I feel like we would be a great match. The thing I found out recently is that he now has a girlfriend, someone who he's been off and on with for the last year to two years. I'm trying to forget about him but it's hard because I see him at least once a week. He is also a very touchy feely guy, so I can't help but get mixed signals about weather he likes me or not. I might just be getting over him and then he will say or do something that makes me question things. What makes things harder is that everyone else has been saying things about him and this girl when he's not there and I am. Stuff like calling her "his girl" and saying how he will be the next one of us to get married. I try to ignore it but it just breaks my heart. I'm really not interested in anyone else, and like always I allowed myself to fall fast and hard. So now things are feeling really hopeless. Many times I think about telling him how I feel, but I don't want to hurt his current relationship or our friendship. I just feel like if I tell him I can get it out there and over with and then maybe I can move on. When I listen to my friends it sounds like everyone is being matched up with someone. It makes me think "well, what about me?". Even if someone new showed up I'd be too afraid to let myself like him. This sounds very stupid when I try to type it out and explain it all. All I know is my heart is breaking, and I can't escape it!
 
johnthedrummer92

johnthedrummer92

Junior Member
#2
Jan 22, 2013
21
0
1
31
#2
i've kinda been there except in my case me and the girl actually had a relationship to start and we cut it off on good terms mutually( yes its possible) and it hurt to see her move on; and there was a point where both of us had yet to move on but were trying and we would still bring up the feelings. the best advice i had gotten and can give is decide weather or not your sure about moving on then stick with your decision. even if it means avoiding/limiting exposure to him until you get yourself straightened out.
 
PopClick

PopClick

Senior Member
#3
Aug 12, 2011
4,056
138
63
#3
I know it's a tough situation, and I hope it works out to the best for everyone involved. You did say you weren't looking for advice, but I would have wanted someone to tell me this, so here goes.

I'd suggest asking God to make you okay with the outcome, whatever it is. If guy lives happily ever after with the other girl, ask God to make you okay with that. And just kind of tell Him how you feel, tell Him how much you like this guy... and ask for His will to be done, whatever that is.

Also maybe read Philippians 4, 'cause it might help. Especially this part: "The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
 
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Blue3Falcon

Guest
#4
#4
I really like that verse PopClick!
 
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Hungry

Banned
#5
Nov 26, 2012
3,095
1,050
113
#5
Guys aren't too difficult to understand. When a guy knows a girl likes him it's an ego boost. He probably is giving you mixed signals because he likes the attention and wants it to continue. That way he can turn to you to make him feel better if he and his current girlfriend are a little cold. I wouldn't tell him anything because he most likely already knows. I've seen this situation many times. Even if they did break up and you started dating he would probably still be thinking of her. She has a hold on his heart that is why they keep getting back together. First get over him. Yes if you distance yourself it can be done. Then look for somebody else. Something else I've seen to warn you about, he might be attracted to you. If they break up and his ego is hurt he might turn to you for comfort. You make him feel better, his ex sees the confidence in him she fell in love with she makes a play showing him all he fell in love with. They decide again they were meant for eachother then you are left picking up the pieces of your heart and carry them to another church because you can't stand to see them together. I've been called a negative thinker but I call it experience. Take it for what it's worth.
 
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zaoman32

Guest
#6
#6
Blue3Falcon said:
I guess I'm not really seeking any advice. I'm just stuck in a situation where theres not really anyone I can talk to about it. So I thought maybe I could tell all of you and find some comfort. I've been going to this amazing church for the last seven months and have made many close friends. One guy friend who I have fallen very hard for. He is very sweet and we have tons in common. I feel like we would be a great match. The thing I found out recently is that he now has a girlfriend, someone who he's been off and on with for the last year to two years. I'm trying to forget about him but it's hard because I see him at least once a week. He is also a very touchy feely guy, so I can't help but get mixed signals about weather he likes me or not. I might just be getting over him and then he will say or do something that makes me question things. What makes things harder is that everyone else has been saying things about him and this girl when he's not there and I am. Stuff like calling her "his girl" and saying how he will be the next one of us to get married. I try to ignore it but it just breaks my heart. I'm really not interested in anyone else, and like always I allowed myself to fall fast and hard. So now things are feeling really hopeless. Many times I think about telling him how I feel, but I don't want to hurt his current relationship or our friendship. I just feel like if I tell him I can get it out there and over with and then maybe I can move on. When I listen to my friends it sounds like everyone is being matched up with someone. It makes me think "well, what about me?". Even if someone new showed up I'd be too afraid to let myself like him. This sounds very stupid when I try to type it out and explain it all. All I know is my heart is breaking, and I can't escape it!
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First of all, don't pay attention to generalized comments about guys to understand why he's doing things, most of the time they're wrong.

PopClick won't fail to give good advice too, so pay attention to her. If I were you I would just cut off the relationship with him, it will be one of the more emotionally difficult things you do, but it will be much more difficult when you continually talk with him and get "mixed messages". Seeing him won't make it easy but if you limit your contact as much as possible, you'll at least start getting over things faster. Again, that's just what I would do, and how I view it. If he is in a relationship right now I can tell you it probably won't be a good idea to tell him how you feel, it may sound like a good idea but, coming from someone who has been in a situation where that has happened, it will only make matters worse, and can be extremely damaging to everyone involved, yourself included.

As PopClick said, pray about it all, try to quiet your thoughts about it, and if nothing else God will give you some relaxation from your cares.
 
E

Everyone

Guest
#7
#7
Hungry said:
Guys aren't too difficult to understand. When a guy knows a girl likes him it's an ego boost. He probably is giving you mixed signals because he likes the attention and wants it to continue. That way he can turn to you to make him feel better if he and his current girlfriend are a little cold. I wouldn't tell him anything because he most likely already knows. I've seen this situation many times. Even if they did break up and you started dating he would probably still be thinking of her. She has a hold on his heart that is why they keep getting back together. First get over him. Yes if you distance yourself it can be done. Then look for somebody else. Something else I've seen to warn you about, he might be attracted to you. If they break up and his ego is hurt he might turn to you for comfort. You make him feel better, his ex sees the confidence in him she fell in love with she makes a play showing him all he fell in love with. They decide again they were meant for eachother then you are left picking up the pieces of your heart and carry them to another church because you can't stand to see them together. I've been called a negative thinker but I call it experience. Take it for what it's worth.
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This. 100%.

The only thing I'd add is that the guy is very insecure. A guy who is "off and on" in his relationship with a girl is just desperate for companionship. He knows in his head that their marriage would never work out; after all, there is no "off and on" in marriages. If they had to take breaks after dating just a couple years, how could they possibly survive a marriage which can last over half a century? But he clings to the relationship because of his insecurity. Same thing draws him to be all touchy-feely with you.
 
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Blue3Falcon

Guest
#8
#8
Thanks everyone, the advice was really interesting to read. Made me think about some stuff.
 
C

chame

Guest
#9
#9
hmm, the only thing u can do as of now is to pray for it, and always think that every thing happens for a reason. :)
 
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Robbinette

Guest
#10
#10
I dated one of the "touch feely" guys one time. I though oh he's so sweet he always wants a hug... turns out he was like that with any female. I think he just loved the attention but it didn't work out. With this situation I would think well if he doesn't see how great I am to break it off with that girl and give us a chance then forget it. I would be a fellow christian to him but nothing more. You have to guard your heart with guys like that, you don't want to be hurt. I'll be praying for you but I think you deserve better :)
 
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zaoman32

Guest
#11
#11
Robbinette said:
I dated one of the "touch feely" guys one time. I though oh he's so sweet he always wants a hug... turns out he was like that with any female. I think he just loved the attention but it didn't work out. With this situation I would think well if he doesn't see how great I am to break it off with that girl and give us a chance then forget it. I would be a fellow christian to him but nothing more. You have to guard your heart with guys like that, you don't want to be hurt. I'll be praying for you but I think you deserve better :)
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I know I already replied, but this is a key piece of advice. You would do well to consider it.
 
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