I am 18 years old which you could probably tell by the age notification under my picture.
With being this age I should be graduating high school in 1 day, Tomorrow... Now I know my grammar is filled with malapropisms, incorrect spelling, and punctuation. I know many children say this but I am above 'average' intelligence. I was stuck into 3 advanced placement classes this year due to my test scores and nothing else. See my whole life I have been a failure/slacker relying on no child left behind to drag me through school. I have always been that cliche' child that never does any work but somehow passes all the tests. So I have become accommodated to this easy way of living. And instead of me passing by the hairs of my neck like I have always done, life caught up with me. I have now failed 3 classes. A.P. Econ, (regular) Econ, and A.P. Statistics... These failings have made it so I will not graduate with my class...
Earlier this semester I had a bad encounter with some drugs, these drugs made it so, that I became schizophrenic. Being in a classroom setting made me feel like I was on the brink of death. I missed 2 months of school consecutively because of this. I have been a 'teachers pet' sort of ordeal in a few classes, this granted me the ability to regain my grades very quickly and effortlessly. But some classes were harder, and for the first time in my life I fought for a grade. I did a semesters worth of material in 2 weeks for 3 classes. I figured I had this all in the bag. I spent at least 20 hours doing homework on the weekend. I honestly thanked God for this life lesson about rigor, perseverance, and integrity... I felt as if I was a new man.
Then I got told that I would not pass my A.P. Statistics class, I took no resentment towards the teacher and actually in my heart understood his reasoning. So I went to my Principal, I knew that 2 children within the last couple of days have dropped their math classes to take an online class. The catch is that even though they would graduate they could not walk. So I thought to myself make the best out of a bad situation... Well the principal basically lied blatantly to my face saying "We never drop a class unless the child has an A in the class". Which I politely mentioned the children who have by his consent dropped their classes that they were failing to take an online class. Then he tried to say they did it 3 months ago, and you kinda get the picture... In my opinion he just didn't want to take the 5 minutes of work to click my name put an F on my class and enroll me into a new one... But I took it as a lesson once again, I thought to myself I deserve this: I have spent 12 years doing the bare minimum to get by and now I expect to be held to the same acknowledgement as those who have labored. I once again with my heart thanked God for this lesson... I honestly did with my heart...
Then I go to class today and find out I failed economics by 3 points... No more no less... Watching all the children go up to the teacher and hear the teacher say, "You have a 78 in this class, good job see you at graduation". seemed to strike me the wrong way... I sat in my desk staring at my phone watching everyone else hoot and holler about graduating. Seeing kids who scored lower on the final then me, (considerably lower) pass the class was heart braking and beyond aggravating...
I have became extremely depressed now... All I can think about is how can people say God is looking out for you. God has a plan for you. God this God that...
How can God plan for a child to be given a laced substance which would cause him to go to the hospital, multiple times.
How could God allow for a student who undermines and resents authority to be given a 'get out of jail free card' while one who was polite and didn't try to fight the system gets a veil brought before his eyes...
I don't understand.... It seems when I think I find the lesson life has given me it smacks me across the head and says try again.
And what really sucks is this is child's play compared to my future... To think about all the hardships to come... I have only hit the top of the iceberg... To think if God does exist and I disown him so easily, I disown him so quickly that in the future when I actually get trials and tribulations I will surely disown him. So what is the point pretending that I will always love and keep Jesus near my heart...
Since any good time that comes I take it for granted and don't thank God for the good I praise myself, and every bad time that comes I curse his name...
3 years ago I saw myself becoming a world renowned gamer. ( pro-Video game player.)
A year ago I was about to create a start-up company with my best friend (at the time) and try on cornering a 7 billion dollar industry.
2 months ago I used to see myself going to school and learning about quantum trapping. Raising perfect zero to room temp. and creating my very own hover board...
1 week ago I saw myself going off into a impoverished nation and giving my life to God and trying to help those in need.
And now I see a man working till he drops always regretting his past, to obsessed with nostalgia to acknowledge the gifts of the present...
The more I search for a Christ-like lesson in life the harder life hits me. At this point the only lesson I see is kill those over you to get their possessions and chain those under you to keep the possessions. (analogy)
With being this age I should be graduating high school in 1 day, Tomorrow... Now I know my grammar is filled with malapropisms, incorrect spelling, and punctuation. I know many children say this but I am above 'average' intelligence. I was stuck into 3 advanced placement classes this year due to my test scores and nothing else. See my whole life I have been a failure/slacker relying on no child left behind to drag me through school. I have always been that cliche' child that never does any work but somehow passes all the tests. So I have become accommodated to this easy way of living. And instead of me passing by the hairs of my neck like I have always done, life caught up with me. I have now failed 3 classes. A.P. Econ, (regular) Econ, and A.P. Statistics... These failings have made it so I will not graduate with my class...
Earlier this semester I had a bad encounter with some drugs, these drugs made it so, that I became schizophrenic. Being in a classroom setting made me feel like I was on the brink of death. I missed 2 months of school consecutively because of this. I have been a 'teachers pet' sort of ordeal in a few classes, this granted me the ability to regain my grades very quickly and effortlessly. But some classes were harder, and for the first time in my life I fought for a grade. I did a semesters worth of material in 2 weeks for 3 classes. I figured I had this all in the bag. I spent at least 20 hours doing homework on the weekend. I honestly thanked God for this life lesson about rigor, perseverance, and integrity... I felt as if I was a new man.
Then I got told that I would not pass my A.P. Statistics class, I took no resentment towards the teacher and actually in my heart understood his reasoning. So I went to my Principal, I knew that 2 children within the last couple of days have dropped their math classes to take an online class. The catch is that even though they would graduate they could not walk. So I thought to myself make the best out of a bad situation... Well the principal basically lied blatantly to my face saying "We never drop a class unless the child has an A in the class". Which I politely mentioned the children who have by his consent dropped their classes that they were failing to take an online class. Then he tried to say they did it 3 months ago, and you kinda get the picture... In my opinion he just didn't want to take the 5 minutes of work to click my name put an F on my class and enroll me into a new one... But I took it as a lesson once again, I thought to myself I deserve this: I have spent 12 years doing the bare minimum to get by and now I expect to be held to the same acknowledgement as those who have labored. I once again with my heart thanked God for this lesson... I honestly did with my heart...
Then I go to class today and find out I failed economics by 3 points... No more no less... Watching all the children go up to the teacher and hear the teacher say, "You have a 78 in this class, good job see you at graduation". seemed to strike me the wrong way... I sat in my desk staring at my phone watching everyone else hoot and holler about graduating. Seeing kids who scored lower on the final then me, (considerably lower) pass the class was heart braking and beyond aggravating...
I have became extremely depressed now... All I can think about is how can people say God is looking out for you. God has a plan for you. God this God that...
How can God plan for a child to be given a laced substance which would cause him to go to the hospital, multiple times.
How could God allow for a student who undermines and resents authority to be given a 'get out of jail free card' while one who was polite and didn't try to fight the system gets a veil brought before his eyes...
I don't understand.... It seems when I think I find the lesson life has given me it smacks me across the head and says try again.
And what really sucks is this is child's play compared to my future... To think about all the hardships to come... I have only hit the top of the iceberg... To think if God does exist and I disown him so easily, I disown him so quickly that in the future when I actually get trials and tribulations I will surely disown him. So what is the point pretending that I will always love and keep Jesus near my heart...
Since any good time that comes I take it for granted and don't thank God for the good I praise myself, and every bad time that comes I curse his name...
3 years ago I saw myself becoming a world renowned gamer. ( pro-Video game player.)
A year ago I was about to create a start-up company with my best friend (at the time) and try on cornering a 7 billion dollar industry.
2 months ago I used to see myself going to school and learning about quantum trapping. Raising perfect zero to room temp. and creating my very own hover board...
1 week ago I saw myself going off into a impoverished nation and giving my life to God and trying to help those in need.
And now I see a man working till he drops always regretting his past, to obsessed with nostalgia to acknowledge the gifts of the present...
The more I search for a Christ-like lesson in life the harder life hits me. At this point the only lesson I see is kill those over you to get their possessions and chain those under you to keep the possessions. (analogy)
and yah, for some reason I feel the need to voice me problems to the world, since I am very melancholy and repressive the internet is my escape.
