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Ok, so I belong to a writer's chatroom, but I didn't get the kind of critques I wanted. Mainly, I didn't get enough. If you guys would be so kind as to critique it for me, I would be most grateful.
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Once, there was a man. This man had nothing, but the clothes on his back, his words, and his culture. Because of this, he decided to try and use his words to get his monthly pay check. He tried everything. Acting, singing, speech-making for clubs, even tried to be a lawyer. But he found that no one would listen there. So, he got an old soap box, and went to the market.
Once there, he used his words again. And now, people would listen to him. He talked everyday, about the things the people wanted to hear. Soon, he caught the eye of the President, and was asked to write his speeches. But the people wouldn’t listen anymore. Eventually, the man started to give his own speeches again, for the President, and people again listened.
Soon, the people wanted him to be their new President. The Speaker didn’t hesitate, and signed his name up for the poll. But, because of his low background, a lot of people didn’t want him for the power. Again, and again he tried, but failed. Soon though, he got enough people to vote for him, that his past was rewritten in history books.
Now that the Speaker was in charge, he set about destroying his enemies. His reasoning was simple. Anyone that did not attend his speeches, he would arrest, and put them into camps made for their deaths. He was soon going all over the country, looking in each city for those unwilling to listen and obey him. Eventually, he got to a small town, so small, it didn’t even have a name.
By the small town, there was a forest. The Speaker decided that if people continued to not listen to him, he would have to wage war on them. And he would use the forest to fuel his war. By this time, he had given so many speeches, that he had planted the seeds of hate, in even those that had resisted him. He took that seed, and planted it in the forest.
But in this small town, there was a small girl. She too had a seed. But a very different seed. This was a seed of friendship, and love. While the Speaker was talking to the town, the girl snuck away from them. She went into the heart of the forest, and planted the seed.
The seed began to grow at a very fast pace, and within a few weeks, it was a towering tree, larger than the rest of the forest. The town had noticed the swift growth, and decided that the tree was holy, and should not be taken down. But the Speaker was leading a hard war, and needed all the trees he could get.
He again came to the small town, and noticed the larger tree. When he went to go and see this tree in person, he also noticed the girl watering it.
“ Get out of my way, girl. I need this tree for my war. If you don’t move, I will know that you are my enemy, and you will be given a harsh punishment.” Said the man. The towns people, not wanting to make the man angry, pleaded with the girl to move.
“No. This is my tree, and you can’t have it.” replied the girl, in a cool manner.
“Fine. You have brought this upon your self. Guards!” shouted the man. But by that time, the girl had climed up the tree. When the guards tried to follow her, branches snapped under their weight. Pine cones fell on their heads, and needles got into their eyes.
Soon, the man was raging at all those who failed to catch the girl. He called for an ax to be brought, to cut down the tree. But no matter how hard he chopped, the tree would not fall. It didn’t even bear scars from the ax. He called every man to help him, that was assembled there. No one could cut the tree.
The girl, being lulled into sleep by the vibrations of the cutting below, had a dream. She dreamed that a man would come to her, and allow her to leave her tree, without being punished. Years passed, and no man came. The girl soon became apt to be seen flying through trees at night to collect food. But she always came back to the tree in the morning, to be put to sleep by the failed attempts to cut the tree.
Eventually, the tree was so tall, that it touched the clouds themselves. A man came wandering into the town, looking for the tree. The people assumed he wanted to chop it down, and so led him there.
When he got there, he noticed the girl sleeping in the branches. He leaned the ax against the tree, and climbed up to the girl. All the people were surprised to see that the branches held his weight. No pine cones hit him, and no needles got in his eyes. By the time he got to the girl, he was panting slightly.
His panting caused the girl to wake. “ Are you here to bring me down?” asked the girl. “Yes. And I was hoping that you could come now.” Asked the man.
“Oh, I suppose. I haven’t seen my family face-to-face in years.” Replied the girl, starting down the tree. Soon, they reached the bottom branch and jumped down. As soon as her feet touched the ground, the tree started to show all the ax marks. After about a minute, the tree was ready to fall. “Look out! The trees going to crush you!” shrieked about a hundred voices at once. But the tree hit no one. Years of trying to cut it was catching up in a matter of minutes.
By the time the tree had finished falling, it was only dust, pinecones, and needles. The people looked at it in amazement, including the Speaker. The same Speaker that had ordered the girls arrest years before. “You are clearly better than me. Please, become our leader.” Implored the President. But the girl refused.
“ The only reason that tree refused to fall, is because I was friends with it, and I would continue to have friends.” Said the girl. The Speaker left, somehow changed, but with the same goals. Eventually, the war ended, and the Speaker died. But the small town became larger. Because the tree had left pine cones, the entire forest soon touched the clouds. The town was named finally, by the girl, and the man who got her. They named it Treetown.
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Once, there was a man. This man had nothing, but the clothes on his back, his words, and his culture. Because of this, he decided to try and use his words to get his monthly pay check. He tried everything. Acting, singing, speech-making for clubs, even tried to be a lawyer. But he found that no one would listen there. So, he got an old soap box, and went to the market.
Once there, he used his words again. And now, people would listen to him. He talked everyday, about the things the people wanted to hear. Soon, he caught the eye of the President, and was asked to write his speeches. But the people wouldn’t listen anymore. Eventually, the man started to give his own speeches again, for the President, and people again listened.
Soon, the people wanted him to be their new President. The Speaker didn’t hesitate, and signed his name up for the poll. But, because of his low background, a lot of people didn’t want him for the power. Again, and again he tried, but failed. Soon though, he got enough people to vote for him, that his past was rewritten in history books.
Now that the Speaker was in charge, he set about destroying his enemies. His reasoning was simple. Anyone that did not attend his speeches, he would arrest, and put them into camps made for their deaths. He was soon going all over the country, looking in each city for those unwilling to listen and obey him. Eventually, he got to a small town, so small, it didn’t even have a name.
By the small town, there was a forest. The Speaker decided that if people continued to not listen to him, he would have to wage war on them. And he would use the forest to fuel his war. By this time, he had given so many speeches, that he had planted the seeds of hate, in even those that had resisted him. He took that seed, and planted it in the forest.
But in this small town, there was a small girl. She too had a seed. But a very different seed. This was a seed of friendship, and love. While the Speaker was talking to the town, the girl snuck away from them. She went into the heart of the forest, and planted the seed.
The seed began to grow at a very fast pace, and within a few weeks, it was a towering tree, larger than the rest of the forest. The town had noticed the swift growth, and decided that the tree was holy, and should not be taken down. But the Speaker was leading a hard war, and needed all the trees he could get.
He again came to the small town, and noticed the larger tree. When he went to go and see this tree in person, he also noticed the girl watering it.
“ Get out of my way, girl. I need this tree for my war. If you don’t move, I will know that you are my enemy, and you will be given a harsh punishment.” Said the man. The towns people, not wanting to make the man angry, pleaded with the girl to move.
“No. This is my tree, and you can’t have it.” replied the girl, in a cool manner.
“Fine. You have brought this upon your self. Guards!” shouted the man. But by that time, the girl had climed up the tree. When the guards tried to follow her, branches snapped under their weight. Pine cones fell on their heads, and needles got into their eyes.
Soon, the man was raging at all those who failed to catch the girl. He called for an ax to be brought, to cut down the tree. But no matter how hard he chopped, the tree would not fall. It didn’t even bear scars from the ax. He called every man to help him, that was assembled there. No one could cut the tree.
The girl, being lulled into sleep by the vibrations of the cutting below, had a dream. She dreamed that a man would come to her, and allow her to leave her tree, without being punished. Years passed, and no man came. The girl soon became apt to be seen flying through trees at night to collect food. But she always came back to the tree in the morning, to be put to sleep by the failed attempts to cut the tree.
Eventually, the tree was so tall, that it touched the clouds themselves. A man came wandering into the town, looking for the tree. The people assumed he wanted to chop it down, and so led him there.
When he got there, he noticed the girl sleeping in the branches. He leaned the ax against the tree, and climbed up to the girl. All the people were surprised to see that the branches held his weight. No pine cones hit him, and no needles got in his eyes. By the time he got to the girl, he was panting slightly.
His panting caused the girl to wake. “ Are you here to bring me down?” asked the girl. “Yes. And I was hoping that you could come now.” Asked the man.
“Oh, I suppose. I haven’t seen my family face-to-face in years.” Replied the girl, starting down the tree. Soon, they reached the bottom branch and jumped down. As soon as her feet touched the ground, the tree started to show all the ax marks. After about a minute, the tree was ready to fall. “Look out! The trees going to crush you!” shrieked about a hundred voices at once. But the tree hit no one. Years of trying to cut it was catching up in a matter of minutes.
By the time the tree had finished falling, it was only dust, pinecones, and needles. The people looked at it in amazement, including the Speaker. The same Speaker that had ordered the girls arrest years before. “You are clearly better than me. Please, become our leader.” Implored the President. But the girl refused.
“ The only reason that tree refused to fall, is because I was friends with it, and I would continue to have friends.” Said the girl. The Speaker left, somehow changed, but with the same goals. Eventually, the war ended, and the Speaker died. But the small town became larger. Because the tree had left pine cones, the entire forest soon touched the clouds. The town was named finally, by the girl, and the man who got her. They named it Treetown.