Marriage advice

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hopeful413

Guest
#1
#1
This is a tricky question. Im not sure how to ask. Happily married. I love my husband. we are both in our 40s and have been married over 15 years. Our physical relationship is good - when it happens. My question has to do with when the female is MORE interested than the male. The stigma is the other way around - so there is some insecurity that arises from feeling un-desired, or something like that. I dont know how to talk about this - he is so wonderful. I am truly feeling guilt, shame, even self doubt.
 
CS1

CS1

Well-known member
#2
May 23, 2012
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#2
well sounds like you have a great guy for a husband I would highly recommend you tell him what is your desire. the main reason why this becomes an issues is because many couples do not tell their partner what they want.
 
JesusLives

JesusLives

Senior Member
#3
Oct 11, 2013
14,551
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#3
I agree to talk about it with your husband....I also say spice things up and make a romantic move sometimes things become so routine this or that is expected.... Do something unexpected that you know he would like.
 
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hopeful413

Guest
#4
#4
we have talked about it some. I have shared my feelings. He assures me he loves me and we are good - so, I feel like if I bring it up continually it becomes bigger than I should let it be. That is part of my question too - is this somehow a sin - to let it be so important to me? Im trying to do the right thing. trying to put his needs before mine in many cases - (I know he works hard, I know he is tired). It is effecting US tho.
 
CS1

CS1

Well-known member
#5
May 23, 2012
12,453
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#5
hopeful413 said:
we have talked about it some. I have shared my feelings. He assures me he loves me and we are good - so, I feel like if I bring it up continually it becomes bigger than I should let it be. That is part of my question too - is this somehow a sin - to let it be so important to me? Im trying to do the right thing. trying to put his needs before mine in many cases - (I know he works hard, I know he is tired). It is effecting US tho.
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let me just say it is not sin to desire your husband nor is it anyone business your bed room matters. If it is important enough for you then it will be for him also. please remember that we should not see the lack of sex as not being desirable that is a lie of the enemy. more to you then just sex remember a " Wife " is a Good Thing " and sex is not the wife.
 
Yeraza_Bats

Yeraza_Bats

Senior Member
#6
Dec 11, 2014
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#6
CS1 said:
please remember that we should not see the lack of sex as not being desirable that is a lie of the enemy.
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Lets also not be lead to believe that it is evil, either. Christ and even some of His followers (Paul) did not desire sex.
 
Yeraza_Bats

Yeraza_Bats

Senior Member
#7
Dec 11, 2014
3,632
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#7
Oh, and both men and women are commanded to be their for their spouse when the need arises. So I dont believe you are in sin if you are dealing with that issue, no : p Pray to God for guidance, and dont worry about what the world is telling you.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#8
Mar 13, 2014
41,400
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Tennessee
#8
JesusLives said:
I agree to talk about it with your husband....I also say spice things up and make a romantic move sometimes things become so routine this or that is expected.... Do something unexpected that you know he would like.
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This is good advice.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#9
Mar 13, 2014
41,400
16,342
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69
Tennessee
#9
hopeful413 said:
This is a tricky question. Im not sure how to ask. Happily married. I love my husband. we are both in our 40s and have been married over 15 years. Our physical relationship is good - when it happens. My question has to do with when the female is MORE interested than the male. The stigma is the other way around - so there is some insecurity that arises from feeling un-desired, or something like that. I dont know how to talk about this - he is so wonderful. I am truly feeling guilt, shame, even self doubt.
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You should not feel guilty or shame because you want to spend some quality time with hubby behind closed doors. I read your other post too, no it's not a sin to want and desire your husband. I'm sure that it is like you have stated, he works hard and is tired. Even so, he still needs to find some time for you. I'm sure he wants this too.

Glad to have you join our family. Welcome to CC.
 
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oldethennew

Banned
#10
Feb 28, 2016
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#10
we see that you are in your mid-40's, for many this is a time when many intense bodily changes occur,
in 'both' sexes...
since we have no immediate workbook to look into, then we must pray with all of our hearts,
and wing it in the best way that our Father leads us,..
you are not at fault for desiring your mate, this is most natural and can be most pleasing,
especially when it happens for no apparent reason, a just beautiful, loving, gift...
 
JesusLives

JesusLives

Senior Member
#11
Oct 11, 2013
14,551
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#11
I'd like to add too that in your 30's and 40's most couples are raising a family and stressed out with a lot of work and just general life day to day worries that can just wear you out. He loves you by your own admission and no it is not a sin to want your husband frequently. You have been together for many years and things are constantly changing...

If you do have kids they leave and that takes some of the responsibility away and will leave more time for the two of you when he isn't so busy with taking care of all those responsibilities and life eases up a bit there will be more time for each other with less stress.... Just continue to tell him you love him often and rub his neck and shoulders to help ease the stress. Hug often rekindle the dating phase ask him to go to a movie with you or do something that you both enjoy together... Help set the mood.

Always pray and ask Gods help in that He will help your husband to be able to relax more and help out with whatever the stress problems are. Rest in the fact that your husband does love you....

I do understand what you are talking about and I have 20 years on you......and sounds like we both have love in our marriages with men that love us....I'm o.k. with that as I'm not getting any younger...

I've heard is said somewhere that men peak at age 18 and women peak at 36.....doesn't seem quite fair does it.... I don't believe that it is true either.... But sometimes I think we women folk have a bit more stamina and built for the long haul... but I'd never throw in the towel because the love is there in the bedroom or not.
 
JesusLives

JesusLives

Senior Member
#12
Oct 11, 2013
14,551
2,173
113
#12
Thought just popped in my head - Maybe it's time for a vacation without the kids....
 
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Ariel82

Guest
#13
#13
Anyway for him to work less?
 
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hopeful413

Guest
#14
#14
Thank you for the kind words. I agree - I believe its a bit unfair - the men peaking at 18 - us closer to 40... I think it helps knowing I am not alone in this. I try hard to not take it personally or to feel there is something wrong with me - I do KNOW we love each other and are fully commited. Kids, jobs, sports, commitments are certainly draining us - time wise. We do try to get away together for a weekend atleast once a year - that doesnt sound like much but with kids and busy schedules it really is - THank you everyone. I appreciate it.
 
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WeightedWords

Guest
#15
#15
I feel for you, sweety. It's true that if you keep bringing it up you would be nagging and possibly creating the appearance of sex as a god. HOWEVER, it is your right to have this need of your husband. Desiring your husband is good. My advice is to surprise him some evening with an empty house and you waiting to surprise him. He probably won't know what to do with it, but at least you got a kick out of surprising your husband with you. Helping him have time for him helps too. Good luck.
 
IDEAtor

IDEAtor

Senior Member
#16
Aug 15, 2012
827
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#16
CS1
"please remember that we should not see the lack of sex as not being desirable that is a lie of the enemy."

I've never heard this, but it makes sense.
 
IDEAtor

IDEAtor

Senior Member
#17
Aug 15, 2012
827
19
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#17
Tell Facebook your feelings, it has a way of broadcasting how long you've known so and so. It even creates a short song scrapbook for reminders. Actually, maybe you should do the opposite. Focus on God telling him.

Get up early and pray, journal, do something sweet for him-- but not spicy. And then go to work or bed.
Eventually, if he is as nice as you make him sound, he will get it. Perhaps not through the methods of this world but by a spiritual compass. Intimacy and sex are not the same thing. But in marriage, they can go well together.
 
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