Marriage & Sex?

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kelseybRN

Guest
#1
#1
Hello! I'm 22 years old & my husband & I have been married for almost 2 years, coming up next month :) We love each other very much & are extremely happy! We have a healthy & stable relationship. However, we have issues pertaining to our sex life, or at least I do. All through high school, I was scared out of having sex due to "sex ed teachers" talking about how bad sex was & then Christians also talking about how bad pre-marital sex is. But I never heard anything about sex in marriage. I understand why pre-marital sex is bad, but if it's so bad then how is sex in your marriage good. I feel like even though we are married, I am doing something that is wrong & disgraceful! I HATE doing this to my husband & I feel that it does put some strain on our relationship, so I really need a Christian's advice on sex in marriage. Thank you!
Kelsey B
 
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tonyp71190

Guest
#4
#4
That's just a good video. You shouldn't feel guilty at all. God created sex for a man and woman once they are married. There isn't any shame involved anymore and you are free to express your love for each other in an intimate way and holy way. It's a pretty amazing gift to be able to share your soul with the one you love. I would say there isn't anything wrong with it bc God created it so bc he created it, it's good; just like everything he created is also good. You aren't breaking any of his laws and it's not sinful behavior anymore. I would say do it to it! lol. AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH; so they are no longer two, but one flesh. Mark 10:8. You two are one flesh now. Pretty hard concept to grasp but still an amazing truth. Here is a verse from Genesis 2 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Seems like there should be no shame involved. As far as your sex ed teachers impressing your views on sex, they don't understand biblical love which means they don't understand God, which means they don't understand marriage and sex. So whatever you've picked up from their teaching, know that God's way is the only way and it's pure. 7 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.[SUP]2 [/SUP]Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
[SUP]3 [/SUP]Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. here's another helpful verse. Remember God likes self-control too so staying in pray about your sex -life will be important and i also encourage you to maybe do a study on marital sex. That's all i got for now.
 
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GeorgeGordon

Guest
#6
#6
Sex is the most sacred act humans can perform because it makes us co-creators with God.
The ban on sex before marriage has to do with the sacredness of the act, not it being "bad" or "good" those are just words.
Sex is a miracle.
Sex before marriage is not only a sin of lust but also a sin of blasphemy against God, because casually creating life is unhealthy and draws us further into the darkness of sin. There is nothing wrong with sex, there is however something wrong with human beings (self will run amok!)
 
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Iluv_Jesus

Guest
#7
#7
Sex in a Marital relationship is very right and it pleases God. As long as both the partners know what each other wants and are happy together. May God's love be with you two always.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#8
#8
kelseybRN said:
Hello! I'm 22 years old & my husband & I have been married for almost 2 years, coming up next month :) We love each other very much & are extremely happy! We have a healthy & stable relationship. However, we have issues pertaining to our sex life, or at least I do. All through high school, I was scared out of having sex due to "sex ed teachers" talking about how bad sex was & then Christians also talking about how bad pre-marital sex is. But I never heard anything about sex in marriage. I understand why pre-marital sex is bad, but if it's so bad then how is sex in your marriage good. I feel like even though we are married, I am doing something that is wrong & disgraceful! I HATE doing this to my husband & I feel that it does put some strain on our relationship, so I really need a Christian's advice on sex in marriage. Thank you!
Kelsey B
Click to expand...
Sex was created, with the intent of it being within marriage. That was God's intent. Sex is not bad. Sex is wonderful. But it's not meant to be shared with everyone. It is something that is meant to be saved for one person, so you can express your feelings, and a sense of closeness with your spouse. God encourages sex within marriage. Sex is ONE of the factors that helps keep a marriage close, according to God. So stop worrying and feeling bad. You're actually doing the opposite of what God wants by not allowing yourself, and your marriage to have a healthy, loving, FUN sex life. Thank God for this awesome chance to share and express your feelings to your husband in an intimate way, and to also have him share the same with you. Relax, have fun and enjoy it. Some of us (*ahem.. ) don't have that option and wish we did. So get in there and do what God wants you to do. Enjoy sex with your husband.
 
maxwel

maxwel

Senior Member
#9
Apr 18, 2013
9,375
2,449
113
#9
Sex is also a very special form of communication within a marriage.

It is a way of communicating special feelings which are intended by God to be
expressed only in this very special way.
It is a special form of communication with the most special person in your life.
 
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Tintin

Guest
#10
#10
Godly sex is the Holy Communion of marriage.
 
yac11

yac11

Senior Member
#11
Mar 24, 2013
580
19
18
#11
kelseybRN said:
Hello! I'm 22 years old & my husband & I have been married for almost 2 years, coming up next month :) We love each other very much & are extremely happy! We have a healthy & stable relationship. However, we have issues pertaining to our sex life, or at least I do. All through high school, I was scared out of having sex due to "sex ed teachers" talking about how bad sex was & then Christians also talking about how bad pre-marital sex is. But I never heard anything about sex in marriage. I understand why pre-marital sex is bad, but if it's so bad then how is sex in your marriage good. I feel like even though we are married, I am doing something that is wrong & disgraceful! I HATE doing this to my husband & I feel that it does put some strain on our relationship, so I really need a Christian's advice on sex in marriage. Thank you!
Kelsey B
Click to expand...
All the above responses are so correct. I understand that after years of being told that sex is wrong, etc. etc. it can be uncomfortable to all the sudden feel right expressing yourself that way just because your married. What I didn't know at your age and what I know now is that when you marry your covenant was a marriage of three. Since God was part of that, just pray for all the negative feelings to go away regarding sex and ask God to bring in the miracle of love that he wants for a man and women who have given themselves to each other in Holy matrimony. I pray for you that God Blesses your marriage everyday of every year. :)
 
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MissCris

Guest
#12
#12
Short answer....

"Just do it".

Also, yeah, what all those smart people up...^^^...there...said.
 
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Nancyer

Guest
#13
#13
I always believed that sex is the gift you give to your spouse, the one gift that ONLY spouses give one another, no one else, ever. That's what makes it intimate, special and why God created it within the covenant of marriage. It is sacred when it's within a marriage. It is also God's way for us to create a child. (hence no child is actually an accident...) If you and your husband love each other, are committed to each other, and on the same page as to how often and what you both like then all should be good, go forth and enjoy.


 
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Porthos

Banned
#14
Apr 15, 2013
236
1
0
#14
kelseybRN said:
Hello! I'm 22 years old & my husband & I have been married for almost 2 years, coming up next month :) We love each other very much & are extremely happy! We have a healthy & stable relationship. However, we have issues pertaining to our sex life, or at least I do. All through high school, I was scared out of having sex due to "sex ed teachers" talking about how bad sex was & then Christians also talking about how bad pre-marital sex is. But I never heard anything about sex in marriage. I understand why pre-marital sex is bad, but if it's so bad then how is sex in your marriage good. I feel like even though we are married, I am doing something that is wrong & disgraceful! I HATE doing this to my husband & I feel that it does put some strain on our relationship, so I really need a Christian's advice on sex in marriage. Thank you!
Kelsey B
Click to expand...
Religion has always made people feel ashamed about having sex, the thing is; God's actually a very sexually understanding creator! Sex is about emotional intimacy, about sharing a fruit together and bringing you together through physical imtimacy (and often ecstasy!)

It's nothing to be ashamed about but obviously that won't stop you feeling ashamed. Just understand, this is one area that you are allowed total freedom in, to do it as much and as often as the two of you like.

I know it's unorthodox to put this kind of advice on a Christian forum, but I would have you and your husband talk and perhaps get some basic knowledge and tips from each other. Things that make you feel more comfortable and ways that both he and you can make the experience more enjoyable for each other. And you'll find after a while that the two of you will start to understand how to have a great time in this respect.

Personally, I have had sex before, though I'm off it now. And one of the reasons I decided to abstain (apart from the obvious) was because sex has become so sleazy and cheap and commercialized to a lot of society, that I also almost felt guilty doing it; but moreso I felt inadequate and I've decided to wait for someone who first understands and loves me as a human being.

But you two; you already have that! What you have is a form of intimacy, regarding sex, that doesn't come with all the social preconceptions! You're both married and you both don't know other partners. You just know each other. And you two can learn each other inside out and make your sex life very fulfilling for the boht of you because of this; moreso than people who have certain preconceptions and standards about sex. That's what makes this special.

This is a learning curve for both of you. To come together and slowly build up sexual trust and comfort; to explore avenues with each other and find out what you both desire in this respect.

I'd start off by doing some research, getting a basic idea of how things work and then having a fun evening out together; a meal and a movie perhaps? Then a glass of wine to ease the nerves.

remember, this is all about you two; not about society's standards. This is about you two learning to connect together as a couple, according to what you both need and desire. And communication is the key.
 
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Porthos

Banned
#15
Apr 15, 2013
236
1
0
#15
And in fact, the more you leave social preconception about sex at the door here, and focus on what you two personally require and how it makes both of you feel, the more you can have something that most people never get; a truly, mutually understanding physical, emotional and mental connection.
 
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kelseybRN

Guest
#16
#16
Your words were exactly what I needed, so I appreciate you taking the time to ease my worry. my husband & both I thank you ALL VERY MUCH for the advice :)
 
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jinx

Guest
#17
#17
as you get older in your marriage, I hope you will be able to focus on your husband in sex. To be able to just relax, focus on him, and everything you love about him, his touch, his voice, his affection towards you, everything you love about him just floods your mind and soul and focus on him, and only him, and pleasing him, and then all those "teachers" from your youth will go away because you will hold something very very positive with your husband, LOVE.

It can happen.

Just focus on HIM, and what he wants. everything else melts away.
 
HoldingOn2013

HoldingOn2013

Banned
#18
Dec 25, 2012
419
5
0
#18
kelseybRN said:
Hello! I'm 22 years old & my husband & I have been married for almost 2 years, coming up next month :) We love each other very much & are extremely happy! We have a healthy & stable relationship. However, we have issues pertaining to our sex life, or at least I do. All through high school, I was scared out of having sex due to "sex ed teachers" talking about how bad sex was & then Christians also talking about how bad pre-marital sex is. But I never heard anything about sex in marriage. I understand why pre-marital sex is bad, but if it's so bad then how is sex in your marriage good. I feel like even though we are married, I am doing something that is wrong & disgraceful! I HATE doing this to my husband & I feel that it does put some strain on our relationship, so I really need a Christian's advice on sex in marriage. Thank you!
Kelsey B
Click to expand...

I wondered if I should reply to this thread, because I can not relate to your situation at all. But then I thought, wait! This woman needs my help. She is actually thinking sex is bad or that God is against it. All I can say on this thread is that God created us so that we would be partners in life and compliment each other, among other things. I think your view on sex has been contaminated by "society" and possibly overly conservative "christian views". I would be happy to talk with you about this subject privately, so PM me if you like. I'm not comfortable putting my sex life out there for the CC community but I'm here if you have a question or want to discuss this further. :)

God Bless!
 
CatHerder

CatHerder

Senior Member
#19
Mar 20, 2013
3,551
79
48
#19
The Marriage Bed

You've been given some good advice.

This links to a great resource for you also to read about things that may be inappropriate to discuss on a mixed forum should you have specific questions.
 
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