Marriage

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AmyL

Guest
#1
#1
I have been married to my husband for 8 1/2 years. A few years ago I had an affair. I never told him because I didn't want to hurt him or lose him. I've always felt guilty. Earlier this year the guilt got so bad. I couldn't even look at him. I wasn't a christian so I was easily tempted by satan and was confused. I started talking to the guy it happened with again and thought God was telling me to leave my husband for him. I didn't think I loved my husband. I now know God wasn't telling me that. I became afraid my husband would find out so I left and filed for divorce. It's been 3 1/2 months since I filed. 2 weeks after I filed someone told my husband about the affair. He was devastated.
I started praying and I could feel my heart changing. I started not wanting to be with the guy I had the affair with, my feelings for my husband changed. I was living 3 1/2 hrs from my husband and I felt like God was telling me to move back to the town my husband was living so I packed up and moved back there. I ended things with the guy I had the affair with. I prayed and asked God to forgive me and to save me. I started feeling like God wanted me to fight for my marriage. I pray daily, all day for God to convict my husbands heart, and to heal our marriage. My husband says he no longer lives me and he wants the divorce. I still pray.
At first he was cold towards me and said hurtful things to me. Since then he has asked me to do some things, like write him a list of things I would do differently and why I would, and to leave the affair out. I did this for him. I wrote him a note telling him God hates divorce, this divorce is not his will.
I can see God working. He is no longer cold towards me. We have 2 small children together and he had been coming to things with us when I invite him now. He asked to come over to my place today to watch our kids open Christmas presents. I was in a car accident a few days ago and he has helped me a lot. He has taken me places, given me one of his cars to drive while mine is not drivable.
I know this is God working and changing his heart. But he still says he wants the divorce.
I live in an empty apartment with only my kids toddler beds and me an air mattress. I get half of our furniture after I sign the property agreement. Something won't let me sign it, I know it's God telling me not to. I have lived this way for 2 months and I will continue to.
I pray hard at times and cry hard for God to change his heart, let him forgive me, and to heal our marriage. I pray asking God to reconcile us and not let satan win this one.
I have noticed my love for my husband is stronger then ever before and I am missing him and yearning for him. I know this is Gods work. And I don't think God would be letting me feel this way if he wasn't going to reconcile our marriage.
It's hard waiting and I'm scared because we are 3 1/2 months into a divorce. I could use prayers and advice. Thanks!
 
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jason75

Guest
#2
#2
Sorry to hear and i know how you feel Keep crying out to GOD. I been going throught same thing the past few years. Lately i kinda lost hope for fixing my mariage. Seem like my ex will never want to plus i always felt she never lift her figure to arrenge our mariage. I might be wrong but anyway those are my feeling. Hardest part is not seeing my kid ennuff. Usely in a divorce with kids. The fathers pretty much lose the battle. At least GOD is there to help us. I really hope your mariage get save.
 
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ladylynn

Guest
#3
#3
Dear AmyL, You didn't mention counseling. Go on youtube and check out a marriage counselor named "Jimmy Evans". He and his wife "Karen" have a ministry for couples who are contemplating divorce. Divorce is devastating to all envolved especially the children.

See a marriage counselor first in your area and do NOT sign the final papers. Sounds like you have been very confused and made some major mistakes but that does not have to define you or your life. You and your husband need to talk and get things out. Jesus paid the price for our sins on the Cross and you need good sound Biblical counsel and advice. Accept God's forgiveness and ask Him to lead you to the right people in your area. Highly recommend Pastor Jimmy Evans on youtube for you to listen to on your own this Christmas day "evening" It will help you gain some calmness and much needed solid footing. God Bless you AmyL. Ladylynn :)
 
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Ugly

Guest
#4
#4
AmyL said:
I pray hard at times and cry hard for God to change his heart, let him forgive me, and to heal our marriage. I pray asking God to reconcile us and not let satan win this one.
I have noticed my love for my husband is stronger then ever before and I am missing him and yearning for him. I know this is Gods work. And I don't think God would be letting me feel this way if he wasn't going to reconcile our marriage.
It's hard waiting and I'm scared because we are 3 1/2 months into a divorce. I could use prayers and advice. Thanks!
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Well, just because you have an increase in emotion doesn't mean its Gods doing. Emotions are natural things and sometimes when we face a loss it reminds us of how things used to be. Of what we're about to lose and this causes a resurgence of emotion. I'm not saying it's possible that God might be working, but i would be cautious of mistaking a rise in emotions to equate to God being involved.
 
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Chris71

Guest
#5
#5
Im so sorry Amy that you are in this situation, Satan is most definitely out to destroy marriages and break families apart. I see that you joined today as did I. Im also struggling today with knowing what direction I need to take regarding my marriage. Ive been separated since August of this year due to an affair my wife of 22 years had. As a man, it is a devastating thing to deal with.. our manhood it seems has been taken away. I know that it was Satan that set the trap for my wife and is attempting to destroy my wife and I's marriage. All I can say is pray, pray, pray! Fall on your knees before the Lord and cry out to Him to take control of you and your husbands hearts and heal them! Have patience with your husband and just continually seek the Lord!
 
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Ecclesiastik

Guest
#6
#6
Counseling is good, as some have stated, but I would also like to caution you concerning it. I think the best counseling you could get is from a pastor who is a good Christian rather from a Christian psychologist or whoever mainly does psychology/counseling as their thing.

My reasoning is because entirely biblical counseling is rarely taught in seminaries and bible colleges now adays...and worldly logic and philosophies have infiltrated many churches and religious education systems.

I think you do well to meditate on Scripture and to pray to God to save your marriage but a good Christian mediator could certainly help.
 
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