Mid-life crisis

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Keryaa

Guest
#1
#1
HowMy husband of 23 yrs has decided that he wants to re-evaluate his life. Specifically, he wants to try to figure out whether he wants to be married to me anymore. He denies there is another woman. He just wants to do his own thing without having to be bothered with being acountable to me. He also states he doesn't want to have to rely on me for anything. I'm very hurt. He's asked for a week (aftergiving me the silent treatment for 2 weeks) to decide. I'm so hurt I just want to leave. I don't want to give him a week as I really dont see him making our marriage, or me a priority. How do I wait graciously?
 
Twinkle77

Twinkle77

Senior Member
#2
Sep 1, 2012
357
5
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#2
Keryaa said:
HowMy husband of 23 yrs has decided that he wants to re-evaluate his life. Specifically, he wants to try to figure out whether he wants to be married to me anymore. He denies there is another woman. He just wants to do his own thing without having to be bothered with being acountable to me. He also states he doesn't want to have to rely on me for anything. I'm very hurt. He's asked for a week (aftergiving me the silent treatment for 2 weeks) to decide. I'm so hurt I just want to leave. I don't want to give him a week as I really dont see him making our marriage, or me a priority. How do I wait graciously?
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Hi Keryaa
I'm sorry that you are going through this and so sorry for the hurt that you are feeling.
Don't make any hasty decisions because your emotions are affected.

Because you can't change him, the best is to pray and leave it in God's hands.
Your life and your husband's lives are in His hands.
Seek refuge in the Lord

I pray that God will comfort you and give you peace during this time.
I also pray that God will speak to your husband's heart and that He will
intervene in this situation to make your marriage work according to His word.
I also pray that the Lord will give you words of wisdom that when you have to speak to your husband,
words of wisdom and love will flow and He will feel the presence and the power of the almighty God and
be convicted of any wrong doing/decisions that he may want to take.

These words are from a song "Put on a garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness"
Open the book of Psalms and look for psalms that have praises to the Lord in it and
read it out loud & praise the Lord!!

God bless you Keryaa
 
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kenisyes

Guest
#3
#3
This is so common. It is SO sad that so many men do not realize that their life is one life being lived by two fleshes that have been one for many years. God works with the two of you together, and you are part of his life change. Waiting a week is Scriptural (for Him to seek God), but the things he wants to do with that week are not (if they include the possibility of leaving you). The proper solution is for him to seek God, for what changes he should make in his life, and then for you (two) to seek God together how you (his wife) are a part of that new changed life.
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#4
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#4
Wow, that is very hurtful. I'm so sorry you're going through this! Keep in mind that Satan has a lot of power over unbelieving hearts and he is definitely influencing your husband. Lean on God during this time....a lot of Bible reading and prayer will hold you together like nothing else will.

Try to get him to talk to you...why is he dissatified with his life? Sometimes we think it's someone else causing our misery when it's really something else. Does he need to change his work situation? Do you think traveling together....a change of scenery and doing new things, would help him out of a rut? Is he a Christian?

I think most couples who have been married awhile fall into a stagnation that can be depressing but it is possible to tackle whatever is not going right or needs to be changed. Communication and mutual concern are the keys to working things out. Christian marriage counseling may help. An objective third party may open up the communication lines and help you to deal with resentment and hurt.

Praying for you both....love and understanding and that the Spirit will lead you into the healing of your marriage.
 
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Keryaa

Guest
#5
#5
Thank-you for your encouragement. I spoke to my pastor today and he gave me the name of a Christian counsellor. My husband has ageed to go to counselling. It will take a couple of weeks to get in. Till then I am trying to give him the space he claims to want. My heart is crushed due to his neglectful attitude. I pray that God intervenes in both our hearts. His to bring him back to Him and mine so that I can forgive him and heal enough to trust him again.
 
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Keryaa

Guest
#6
#6
Well I have a bit of a clearer picture as to why he's treating me with such passive hostility. I have discovered that he is looking at pornography again (this has been a problem in our marriage since 1998. We've been to counselling for this in the past and I really thought he had this under control). He is also spending time looking at facebook pics of some of his co-workers (one in particular that is about half his age and just had a baby about 8 months ago. She is doing exercise and has regained her figure nicely. Bill is into fitness so i can see the attraction. Although why he wants another baby is beyond me!) So this explains the emotional abuse. I can't help feeling confused though, since I really didn't see this coming and I'm usually pretty good at picking up subtle clues. Has he honed his deception skills so well? Wow! I just can't believe that my marriage may be over! I'm praying. But I really don't want to go through this season of mourning. I think it really is easier to do the leaving than to be the left behind.
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#7
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#7
I can see how it would be a natural reaction to want to just leave. But you may regret that later. At least waiting and going through counseling and seeing if you can mend your marriage right now, you can say you tried....and won't wonder years down the road 'what would have happened if I had just stuck it out for a little longer?'. Regrets are awful things to live with :(.

Praying for you...strength and wisdom and an ever increasing closeness to the Lord.
 
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