Missing my mom

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karen7574

Guest
#1
#1
My mom passed away in 2001. We had an amazing bond. I know she is in heaven and I know one day we will be reunited. I just miss her so much. I am a successful 49 year old teacher, wife and mother of 2 Christian adult sons. I don't pull the covers over my head and hide from the world. However, I find it difficult to talk about my mom with my friends, because I fear I will begin to cry and become a blubbering mess. I don't want people to feel sorry for me. I wantand to be strong and able to cope with this.

My worries; how long is too long to feel the loss of a parent? It has been 12 years, is there something wrong with me?
 
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psychomom

Guest
#2
#2
Aww, Karen...I sorrow with you. :(

There's no time limit on grief. Maybe this time of year makes the loss of your mom more difficult?
My dad died in '08, yet there are still times I almost reach for the phone to ask him something.

I think it's okay to be a blubbering mess with a compassionate friend. Maybe just what you need is someone to weep with you, as we rejoice with those who rejoice.

just some thoughts...I'll be praying for you, Karen. ♥

love,
ellie
 
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karen7574

Guest
#3
#3
Ellie,
Thank you for your kind words...My dad passed away in 2008 also. I had an amazing relationship with him too, but strangely I don't feel the deep longing and loss I feel for my mom.

What you said about this time of year being harder is true. Her birth month and the month of her passing are also difficult.
 
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rainin

Guest
#4
#4
My mom died in 1990. For the first 3 months I sat on the couch and cried. That was all I could do. I think it was one of the worst times in my life. One day it was like I heard her voice saying "Get up!". At that point I knew she would never have had me sitting there wasting one more minute of my life in grief. I got up. I still miss her and always will until I die and see her again but I know she is waiting for me....like always. If you need to cry....go ahead and cry. Cry as much as you need to. God gave us tears for a reason. Tears aren't a sign of weakness.
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#5
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#5
I miss my gradma! She raised me. It's more than 35 years... I seldom mourn for her, but she's badly missed and wanted. I don't tell them about a person or thing they can't get, because I don't have a movie to teach any what I lived or know. She passed away one December...

Perhaps this one of the reasons I became a Grinch. Je! Je!
 
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rainin

Guest
#6
#6
secularhermit said:
I miss my gradma! She raised me. It's more than 35 years... I seldom mourn for her, but she's badly missed and wanted. I don't tell them about a person or thing they can't get, because I don't have a movie to teach any what I lived or know. She passed away one December...

Perhaps this one of the reasons I became a Grinch. Je! Je!
Click to expand...
I miss my grandma too....she was like my other mother.
 
notuptome

notuptome

Senior Member
#7
May 17, 2013
15,050
2,538
113
#7
I think it OK to cry. I cannot imagine how God was grieved over His Son's death. All that grief borne that Adams race might be redeemed. The closer we are to God the more we weep for innocence lost. Mom's represent a certain purity and holiness that we miss when they are gone. Yeah it's restored in the Lord but at times we feel the loss more acutely.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 
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Ugly

Guest
#8
#8
karen7574 said:
My mom passed away in 2001. We had an amazing bond. I know she is in heaven and I know one day we will be reunited. I just miss her so much. I am a successful 49 year old teacher, wife and mother of 2 Christian adult sons. I don't pull the covers over my head and hide from the world. However, I find it difficult to talk about my mom with my friends, because I fear I will begin to cry and become a blubbering mess. I don't want people to feel sorry for me. I wantand to be strong and able to cope with this.

My worries; how long is too long to feel the loss of a parent? It has been 12 years, is there something wrong with me?
Click to expand...
Sounds to me you're so worried about 'looking strong' that you aren't doing the TRULY strong thing and confronting and dealing with the grief. Strength has nothing to do with your ability to hide what you're feeling. In reality, that is weakness. If you really want to be strong stop being so concerned about how you will look, and how you can think you might seem strong and put that stuff aside, let yourself be vulnerable and let those raw emotions come forth and deal with them directly. And so what if people feel sorry for you. Is that really such a horrible thing? Is your pride and holding up this false facade of strength so important that you will let it handicap and hinder you? If you really want to be strong then be honest, open and vulnerable. Cry, blubber and snot all over the place. Only then will you truly show strength. Strength to confront your fears, your grief, your loss.
 
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karen7574

Guest
#9
#9
Thank you all for your kind, loving and heartfelt support. Ugly, your words are beautiful to me, they touched me and made me think. On September 9th, 2001 my whole family was in a major auto accident, September11th the twin Towers fell as I lay in a hospital bed while my 11 year old son was fighting for his life in an ICU bed and my oldest son (13 years old at the time) was in another hospital across town dealing with a hairline fracture to his spine while my husband ran back and fourth between the two hospitals checking up on us. Then on October12 my mom passed away. At the time I had to be strong for my children. Now years later I realize that I am stuck in that rut of wearing a mask of strength. Both our boys made full recoveries and are fine Christian men. After years of physical therapy I have also recovered physically. Now its time to work on my emotions.

Again, thank you all for your thoughts and prayers,
Karen
 
sandtigeress

sandtigeress

Senior Member
#10
Apr 29, 2013
526
16
18
#10
Give your self time to mourn, even so it is 12 years ago.
I lost my mother in 2009 and I sometimes miss her (and her advice) so fierce.

She had a wonderfull way of telling me, why I might be completly wrong :)
 
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Nancyer

Guest
#11
#11
I too know what it's like to lose your mom. Mine passed in 2007. We too were very close, and it was sudden. I mean, she was 82 but you would never have known it. We were planning a trip to Vegas for later that year. I still, once in a while, will hear something on tv or radio, or read something and think for a second, "I've got to tell mom about..." A few weeks afterward, I watched the old movie "Greatest Show On Earth", which I first saw with mom years before. I cried through the entire movie. Actually felt really good when it was over, cleansing, you know? I haven't had a good cry over her since, even though I miss her.

Please, let out the tears. Cry when you feel the need. People will understand and if they don't so be it. That's their concern, not yours. Tears are not bad, they are healthy and cleansing and necessary to let things out.
 
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