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i grew up in a christian family on my mothers side. When i was around 3 months old i was in the hospital.. they doctors didnt know what was wrong with me! They said i was dying.. so my mother called a pastor at my grandmothers church and he came to pray over me to be healed. He still says to this day how sick it made him to fell my frail body in his hands...but shortly after they could literally see me gain weight and look more healthy.. after some more tests the doctors said they dont know what happened i was mysteriously all better and that it was a miracle i was alive. i went to church maybe three times a year and always went to vbs as a child. I grew up in an appt building with a bunch of other kids and these teenagers would come teach us about the Lord. I Loved talking about this God i always was hearing about My mother never really taught us about the Lord the only thing she ever told us was NEVER deny the Name of the Lord. When i was around 11 my younger sister went to my mother and said mom i have been reading this bible but i dont understand what some things mean.. when she asked what it meant something clicked in my mother.. she said that she felt an empty feeling in her heart.. she felt so guilty for never letting us get the chance to know the Lord like she knew him.. so from that day on she took us back to the Church where the pastor who prayed over me was. I remember being upset because it was going to take away one of my free days off from school ahahaha i was young but ill never forget the overwhelming feeling i got when i worshiped something great then all of us. it felt so freeing.. after that i went to every sunday meting and they held home meets wednesday nights at my grandmother house which i also attended.. but it wasnt until after high school when i turned 18 that i realized i needed to be saved.. so i was baptized in water and then in the Hold Spirit. after that things started to go down hill for me!! i started getting into my temptations.. meeting a guy i thought loved me giving myself to him.. then him rejecting me.. you see my father does not know the Lord... so it was hard growing up he was never there for us emotional and was never the spiritual leader he should have been. He never said i Love you or hugged us. we seemed to be more in the way if anything. Its ok i have forgiven him now though but as i was saying this guy rejected me.. and because i never had the Love of my father i was used to being rejected instead of being used to the Love from a man..so when he rejected me i became angry with the Lord and started to seek Love from a man else where..after a few years it started to wear on me.. thoughts would run through my mind like..your not a good christian.. you are so wordly.. you are not worthy to be the Lords (all coming from the enemy) or he will never forgive you so you should quit while you are ahead.. so i left the Lord.. i still went on sundays to please my mother but i wasnt mentally there..when i turned 22 it seemed to get worse.. later that year on dec 19th my cousin David (i grew up with him in that appt. building for 10 years so he was really a brother) was in his appt with some friends(the same appt. we grew up in) drinking..well the started to play around with a gun and when david got it..it went off.. david died instantly..at that moment i great hate towards God..i knew David loved the Lord and that he was trying to quit drinking and better his life in the Lord.. i was so angry... and if course i thought he was trying so hard and now he isnt with the Lord.. apart of me wanted to believe he was in heaven but i just didnt know for sure.. then this January i had a dream..i know now that it was a dream from the Lord. It was my wedding day i was in a white gown.. but when i looked around no one was there i was in an isle alone and it was so bright...i looked behind me and there was david smiling with his hand out dressed in a white gown.. you see it was my wedding day.. just not marriage to a man.. it was my wedding to the Lord.. That dream was given to me by God to assure me that David was with the Lord and that i will see him again one day <3 So from then on i repented to the Lord.. i Turned back to him.. and now its all or nothing and im choosing to give my all <3 I Love the Lord dearly and want nothing more then to be with him when this is all over 