Ive been married for 6 1\2 years and he still doesnt open up to me. Whenever i have a problem and tell him its like he doesnt care. I feel like I can't go to him for anything. its hard for me to try to fellowship with him because he is not christian and does not go to church, and I try with him because I really want someone to fellowship with. I just get tired of trying to get him to communicate with me. I dont know what else to do.
It's fairly normal for men not to want to 'open up' and talk about their feelings to the same extent women do. But it does sound like you have a problem. I suppose one thing you can do is try to make yourself a 'safe place' for him to talk. When you talk to him, never be harsh. If your critical or harsh towards him, he may shut down the conversation. If you are very kind and warm towards him and make it really enjoyable talking with you, he may warm up. That may not work on every man. I do know if my wife gets in a mood for a few days and keeps thinking of me in a negative light and finds fault with what I do a lot, I don't really enjoy talking with her. If she gets like that, and comes to me with a problem, it's harder for me to listen than if we've been getting along well and she's been really warm and supportive. With my wife, attitude has a lot to do with hormones, lack of sleep, or a combination of the two. Most of the time we get along well, and I really enjoy it if she is really warm, kind, etc.
When you dated did you talk on the phone for hours or sit around talking for hours? If you did, he has the potential in him.
Why don't you experiment a little. Sit down and write as many good things about your husband as you can think of. When he comes home, greet him at the door with a kiss and a smile that says you are happy to see him. Tell him some of the things you remember from your list (without reading it.) For example, you could ask him to sit down because you have something to tell him. (you can make it seem kind of serious.) Then you tell him how much you appreciate his working so hard for the family. You could tell him how hard his work is (if that makes sense) and say you appreciate it. Kiss him. You can also complement physical attributes, flirt with him, etc.
If he knows he's coming home to sincere praise, warm, loving affection a meal he likes, and all that good stuff, not only will he be eager to come home, but he just might start to warm up a little more to conversation. If you do want to point out a flaw, do it very gently in short manner that is too the point without arguing or harsh accusations.
It's a lot of work, but the kind of thing that should be going on in a marriage. Hopefully, he'll reciprocate. If he enjoys talking to you and feels really safe about opening up because talking to you is such a pleasurable experience, he may do so more. He may also be a better listener when you have problems.
I can't guarantee this will work, but it's a good thing to do in marriage anyway, for either party.
