My husband had an affair with a co-worker :-(

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S

Shadowife

Guest
#1
#1
Hi,

As the title says. After a gut wrenching month of suspicions I finally scraped some courage together and asked him yesterday after accidently seeing a snippet of his cellphone conversations. He said he is sorry and seemed really remorseful. He will need to end it in a decent way since they work together. I told him I don't want to divorce.

My heart is ripped apart. I have no-one to talk to. Only me, him, the girl and God knows. She is engaged and 5 years younger than me.

I know there is hope, but to take the right steps and work through it will be hard. Where do we begin. I am not angry, but just so hurt.
 
santuzza

santuzza

Senior Member
#2
Feb 12, 2013
1,609
38
48
#2
I have never been in this situation, so I cannot offer any advice except to say that you both need solid, Christian marriage counseling. I know couples have been able to work through infidelity, but both of you have to be willing to do the work.

I'm so sorry you've been hurt like this. It's terrible. Just keep bringing it to the Lord in prayer.
 
M

MyaView

Guest
#3
#3
Either your husband or the other woman needs to start looking for another job. This is a difficult process and one where constant temptation will keep coming back until one of them removes themselves from the environment in which it started. Also, as previously suggested, Christian counseling with a professional will help to answer all of those nagging questions that need to be addressed in order to understand and move forward.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#4
Mar 13, 2014
41,323
16,307
113
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Tennessee
#4
What a horrible thing that your husband has done to you. Your husband does not need to end the affair in a 'decent' way, he just needs to end it immediately. You are not alone in this type of suffering. It will take years for your broken heart to heal and you may never recovery. I have said a prayer for your situation. God Bless You. Welcome to CC.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#5
Mar 13, 2014
41,323
16,307
113
69
Tennessee
#5
MyaView said:
Either your husband or the other woman needs to start looking for another job. This is a difficult process and one where constant temptation will keep coming back until one of them removes themselves from the environment in which it started. Also, as previously suggested, Christian counseling with a professional will help to answer all of those nagging questions that need to be addressed in order to understand and move forward.
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You wrote an excellent post in offering counsel to a fellow member that is hurting inside. Welcome to CC.
 
resurrection33

resurrection33

Banned
#6
Dec 19, 2009
27,513
128
0
71
#6
Shadowife said:
Hi,

As the title says. After a gut wrenching month of suspicions I finally scraped some courage together and asked him yesterday after accidently seeing a snippet of his cellphone conversations. He said he is sorry and seemed really remorseful. He will need to end it in a decent way since they work together. I told him I don't want to divorce.

My heart is ripped apart. I have no-one to talk to. Only me, him, the girl and God knows. She is engaged and 5 years younger than me.

I know there is hope, but to take the right steps and work through it will be hard. Where do we begin. I am not angry, but just so hurt.
Click to expand...
If your husband had an affair, you have every right to divorce him. You say you don’t want to. One question that arises in my mind is whether or not he is truly remorseful, or is he going to put you through this again?

I would say you are in the driver’s seat. At this point you can do whatever you want. You can divorce him. You can separate from him. You can stick with him under the condition that he never commit this sin again. It’s up to you.
 
Born_Again

Born_Again

Senior Member
#7
Nov 15, 2014
1,583
128
63
#7
My wife cheated on my 5 times.... I forgave her each time. BUT!!! We are now divorced. Number 6 was a bit too much LOL My point being, she said she was sorry too, but she did it again anyways. A lot of people who would do that are searching for fulfillment in a person that they can only truly get in God.

Her new guy is already nervous that she is going to or has cheated on him.
 
PennEd

PennEd

Senior Member
#8
Apr 22, 2013
12,967
8,673
113
#8
Shadowife said:
Hi,

As the title says. After a gut wrenching month of suspicions I finally scraped some courage together and asked him yesterday after accidently seeing a snippet of his cellphone conversations. He said he is sorry and seemed really remorseful. He will need to end it in a decent way since they work together. I told him I don't want to divorce.

My heart is ripped apart. I have no-one to talk to. Only me, him, the girl and God knows. She is engaged and 5 years younger than me.

I know there is hope, but to take the right steps and work through it will be hard. Where do we begin. I am not angry, but just so hurt.
Click to expand...
I am truly sorry you are going through this. I pray the Lord takes away your pain and heals your marriage. May His Peace and love reign in your heart.
 
Marcelo

Marcelo

Senior Member
#9
Feb 4, 2016
2,359
859
113
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#9
The same happened to my wife when she was engaged to another man (before we met). Her fiancé was dating a co-worker and, thank God, she found out about the affair one month before the wedding. Of course she got dejected, but today she praises God for that temporary misfortune.

As Resurrection 33 said, you are in the driver's seat. Just as Hosea forgave his wife, you can forgive your husband - you can give him a second chance.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#10
Mar 13, 2014
41,323
16,307
113
69
Tennessee
#10
Born_Again said:
My wife cheated on my 5 times.... I forgave her each time. BUT!!! We are now divorced. Number 6 was a bit too much LOL My point being, she said she was sorry too, but she did it again anyways. A lot of people who would do that are searching for fulfillment in a person that they can only truly get in God.

Her new guy is already nervous that she is going to or has cheated on him.
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Her new guy has reason to be nervous.
 
L

LiJo

Guest
#11
#11
Shadowife said:
Hi,

As the title says. After a gut wrenching month of suspicions I finally scraped some courage together and asked him yesterday after accidently seeing a snippet of his cellphone conversations. He said he is sorry and seemed really remorseful. He will need to end it in a decent way since they work together. I told him I don't want to divorce.

My heart is ripped apart. I have no-one to talk to. Only me, him, the girl and God knows. She is engaged and 5 years younger than me.

I know there is hope, but to take the right steps and work through it will be hard. Where do we begin. I am not angry, but just so hurt.
Click to expand...
Shadowife,

Welcome to CC my sister!! I'm so sorry you are hurting, the good news is you are the daughter of a true loving Father, lean and draw your strength from Him. He will get you through this. Please feel free to PM me. I will lift you and your marriage up in prayers.
 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#12
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
338
83
#12
Shadowife said:
She is engaged and 5 years younger than me.

Where do we begin. I am not angry, but just so hurt.
Click to expand...

I'd begin by telling the guy she's engaged to about the affair. He has a right to know the truth and should be made aware of what he's getting into. It might save him the agony of being in the same predicament as your in now. Just a suggestion, but I'd give your husband the choice of divorce or telling his co-workers fiance that he's been sleeping with the woman he plans to marry.
 
W

WarriorForChrist

Guest
#13
#13
I don't agree with people calling for divorce. If this were the case my wife would have divorced me instead of giving it to God and giving me another chance. The most important thing that needs to happen is your husband needs to give his life to God. If he doesn't do this then I'm afraid the fight won't be won. Also, if you need to fix your relationship with God that must be done as well.

I also agree that your husband needs to probably find another job so he isn't tempted to make contact with her again. It is going to be an uphill battle, but with God in the picture your relationship can and will be fixed. My relationship is living proof of this :)
 
C

Cindy12

Senior Member
#14
Jan 5, 2015
243
11
18
#14
I will be praying for you and your husband. I agree that he needs to and will end it right away if he is truly remorseful. Obviously, there are problems between you two or this would not have happened. You might not know what those things are, but talking to him and Christian counseling should bring the issues to to the surface so that you can begin to work on them and heal if at all possible. Maybe he can call this girl on speakerphone, with you there, and tell her that you are with him and that he wants to end the affair this very moment. It shouldn't take a lot of thinking at all. This way, she knows you are aware, and what he says to her is out in the open and not a secret. Secrets are something you won't be able to handle anymore. If he is truly sorry, he will do that today - or he would have already done it. I also agree that he needs to get another job -- working with her will never, ever work for you, him, her or your marriage. You will never, ever trust him around her (and rightfully so). I hope for your sake he has ended it with her already. Get into counseling, even if its for yourself. You need some good Christian support. I will be praying for you and your marriage.
 
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