My husband lives with his married girlfriend, and demands a divorce. Is there hope?

[FollowYouAlways]

2 months ago, I, along with my 2 children, left my husband of nearly 8 years. He was seeing 3 different women and I couldn't take it anymore. Our marriage is destroyed not only because of him but by my own faults as well. We some how along the way lost our walk with of our he Lord and derailed. He basically has been unfaithful to me for the most part our marriage, except when we where doing what we were supposed to be doing (living as Jesus wants us to).. Last summer I had my first and only affair, then stopped and expected him to stop and he didnt so I left. I admit I wasn't the best wife and took him for granted..besides his unfaithfulness he was a wonderful provider and so good to me. I am so ashamed of my selfishness and my sins and what I have now brought upon myself and my children. He now lives with his married girlfriend, her 3 children, her mother and her sister.... I was a fulltime student for the past 2 years so I have not worked and am desparately looking for work now. He is not supporting his children as he should (financially or seeing them that much)...both of my kids birthdays are within the next 2 weeks and they also need school supplies and clothing and he really has given me not much of anything but excuses as to why he can't give me anything...yet everytime i see him he has new clothes, shoes, haircuts, a tattoo (which he was always so opposed to getting) and top it off he went out and got a new truck last night...All while I am struggling and have been getting their school stuff here and there from the thrift store. This is not like him. The man I know would have given his all to his family so we could have, even if it left him with nothing. Every day he is calling me raging saying he hates me, move on, he doesn't want me, tells me "why do you want to be with someone who doesnt want you?", threatening me and my life, calling me the "B" word... when in the past 10 years I have known him, he has NEVER called me anything outside of my name or anything that wasn't nice. I don't know this man anymore.He is the kind of person who is the company they keep. He is easily influencable, and does what those around him are doing. He comes from a destructive family who he stayed away from during our marriage because they were so destructive but he is now hooked back up with them..He is so caught up in his life with this woman, his family and other no good people. Myself and my family were the only positive influences he ever had in his life... I feel as though he will never return to us now because he has no good voice of reason. I thought he would come back for us when I moved out , and see that he needed his family but he never did. He has been with 6 different women in the past 2 months and now lives with the newest one who happens to be the lady who sold us car insurance. I have had my face in the bible nonstop lately and Im taking this to God. Regardless of all my husband has done , I still love him, forgive him and want to leave everything that happened before today and start new. Up until a few days. ago I have been suicidal nearly everyday, in complete misery and I have cried every day since I left. Every night it kills me to know MY HUSBAND is laying next to someone else...I was literally at the point where something had to give or I was going to take my life...so I turned to God. I realize I have to focus on fixing myself and take responsibilty for what I have done before I can even think of going back but I just don't know what my next step is. He doesn't want this and can not make it anymore clear that he hates me, wouldnt care if I dies and for me to please get out of his life...I keep praying for his heart that God would lead him away from his lifestyle and keep nudging at his heart... idk what to do..if i should let him go or if this is even fixable.. i need friends, prayer...something I feel so desolate and alone.

 

[damombomb]

Sister this is a lot to go through. I have learned one thing about life, when i have went through hurricanes or storms of life, was to stand still
and know that he is God. When i cried and worried or let doubt and fear creep in there was no victory. I realized in a storm to totally surrender
the situation to the Lord and stand still and wait on him to take care of it, to trust him, when I did that he did a quick work, but
if i hung on to it, i was being in control and tieing Gods hands, but ive learned now to put it with him asap and let him handle it.
I know its not pleasant at the moment, but it will pass, praying for you!
God bless you!
And welcome to cc

 

[FollowYouAlways]

thank you for those words. Those were my mothers words, my counselors words and your words...3 times a charm. Although I don't know you, it means so much, you've no idea...

 

[damombomb]

thank you for those words. Those were my mothers words, my counselors words and your words...3 times a charm. Although I don't know you, it means so much, you've no idea...

You are so welcome!
May the Lord show himself true to you! He is faithful

 

[Ellie]

Hi FollowYouAlways welcome to cc.

I have nothing helpful to say. But I want you to feel as loved and supported as possible so I wanted to add a post to your thread and just send you my love.

Hang in there. You are important and valuable.

 

[beyondbroken]

First let me say I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I too know the agonizing pain you feel. My husband and I are seperated too and we have both made many mistakes over the 16 yrs of marriage.
Your husbands heart is raging against God right now. If you can try to not look at this just w your physical eyes but look at it from a spiritual prespective as well. The enemy is out to steal, kill and destory all that he can. I would recommend that you pray for your husband faithfully. Take authority over his mind, the seeds the enemy is planting in his head/heart, plea the blood of Jesus over him. Pray that the strongholds on his life will be broken and that God will deliver him from the bondage that he is in.That he will come to a place of total surrender! That the Holy Spirit will convict him.
Pray for yourself! Pray that God will renew your mind in Him. That God will put a hedge of protection around you and your children. That He will quinch the fiery darts that the enemy sends your way!! Cuz Satan will send them, usually thousands at a time (it feels like)Pray for healing for yourself. And just dig deep into God's word. IT helps so much! Get in church and surround yourself w Gods people. Let them help you through this!
As far as Hope....there is always HOPE in Christ. We serve a living God. He is the same God yesterday, today and forevermore. He is still healing, restoring, delivering and giving miracles. He is the God of the impossible. So totally surrender your husband to God, your marriage to God and yourself. And pray while believing GOD has already answered your prayers, it just hasnt been manifested yet!
When your husband calls, I would answer the phone one last time. Tell him that if he is not calling about the kids/fiances, and all he wants to do is cuss you and put you down then there is nothing to talk about. Ignore his calls and when you see his number, pray for him at that very moment. Let the answering machine pick it up, then if he is leaving a message to curse at you, delete it and dont listen to it. The enemy will use his words to bring more discouragement to you.
Pls stay in the word. Being in God's word is what is carrying me through this time in my life and being involved in church. And just wrap yourself in the arms of Jesus. Focus on your relationship w Him and your kids and let God start working. Thank God for what he has already done!
I will def being praying for you and your family!
Jere 29:11; Romans 8:28

 

[Lucy68]

I'm so sorry you're going through this pain .

We are never 'alone' and I'm so thankful that you discovered that before you did something drastic.

I'm so sorry your husband went back to his old style of living. Sometimes people try the Christian way of living and just don't like it....they prefer casual sex, drinking, drugs, etc. not realizing that these are the very things that are making them miserable.

Because of his severe reaction to you, maybe you should stop contacting him? Maybe you've already done this but you could, for your own sake really, send him a letter apologizing for your part in the breakdown of your marriage. Then leave the next step to him if he wants to seek reconciliation.

If he isn't providing child support then you may want to seek legal help. There's lots of dads out there who need a nudge in helping with the financial responsibility of the children. You don't have to do it alone.

Do you attend a church or know a group of Christian ladies? These can really be an encouragement to you as you go through this trial.

Praying for your husband...that his eyes are open and is led by the Spirit to a permanent heart change.

Praying for you sister, that your hurt is healed by the Great Physician and that the Holy Spirit lifts you up and guides you into a happy life

 

[intercessorginger]

Dear Follow You,
There is nothing that God can't heal..no pit so deep that he is not deeper!
My advice is to continue in your walk with the Lord, to develop and strengthen it. I can't say if you will be able to reconcile your relationship after all of the unfaithfulness on both sides, but I'm very sure you will know the closer to get to Jesus. He will direct you and give light to you path for the future. For now, just love him, pour out your love on your children and be happy. God will do the rest.

 

[shekaniah]

You have been given some good wisdom...
Pray and ask God how to speak to your husbands heart...
God knows how to reach him.
I will pray for you and your family...
with love and insight, Shekaniah

I would like to tell you about a good book.
I read it when my husband and I were going through a rough patch.
I did'nt agree with everything, but it has a lot of good insight.

"His needs Her needs"
Quote:
It's no surprise that men and women have radically different priorities. Describing the 10 most important needs of men and women, the author teaches you how to "affair-proof" your marriage by learning how to sustain romance, increase intimacy, and deepen your awareness year after year.

 

[jamieedmonds10]

FollowYouAlways? I added you to my friends list. I understand what you are going through. I can relate. My heart of compassion is opened up to you. I have a scripture i want you to Read. Go to Hosea Chapter 2 and read that. When you read it, read it with understanding. God bless your dear heart. All i can say is that there is absolutely NOTHING too hard for God.

 

[FollowYouAlways]

thank you for that Jamie...its amazing that I just got off the phone with my family friend/counselor not too long ago and she told me to put Hosea 2:6-7 on repeat day in and out over him.. I am taking something from all of the posts here and I kindly appreciate all of you for even taking a moment to give what I'm saying any thought... Thank you all so much

 

[Bea22]

<3 <3 <3 FollowYouAlways

People are praying for you.. and sending love your way at this very difficult moment in life... Every time you feel sad, or you feel like you can't take it anymore, just remember someone is praying for you... and God is watching over you...

When we go through trials, when we feel alone and miserable, and like things couldnt get worse, .. we can either turn from God or we can run to Him... He wants us to run to Him.. He wants to be our all in all.. He wants to comfort and protect us, to care for us and love us.... His love is where unconditional love originates.. take advantage of His love for you right now.. whether anyone else in the world loves you or not, He loves you...

I would advise - and this is just my advice - that since your husband knows that you love him, and want him back regardless of what he has done to you... that kind of love is irresistible to anyone... real love like that, which forgives and doesn't die, as in Corinthians.. everyone wants that kind of love... and you've already shown that you would be willing to take him back, but you don't need to chase after him to somehow make him see... I say, let him go and think about it now... If he lays next to another woman, if he thinks that he has moved on... he is still thinking about you and your love for him... don't forget that.... no matter how hard he tries to forget you, how can he? After years being together and after having love for you before, how can he completely forget you just like that? The truth is he hasn't and won't...
So what you need now is patience.... because love is patient... you can pray to God to have you on his mind all the time.. you can pray to God for all sorts of little things... but also pray for patience, because it may take some time.. in the meantime, you are leaning on God and trusting in God and finding your strength there.... I believe we need to learn to put God first, before anyone, and so sometimes these things happen so we can rely on God for everything and to put Him first...
Get your strength from the Word of God.. read until you feel peace, pray and talk to God at any and all moments through the day when you start to fret and think about it and feel depressed... do it until you feel peace.. continually do it, until...
And leave it up to Him. He is there to listen to all your worries... every issue you have, every frustration, and every tear, He is there.
By concentrating on God, you let go of the hurt and worrying about what your husband is up to now... and whether he will come back to you, and when.. just concentrate on God and leave it for Him to do...
But always know that real love is the most attractive thing anyone can ever have. People search all throughout their lives and the whole world over for it and never find it... where can you find it these days? Everyone has selfish motives to love. Divorce and hurting someone is normal.
But when they see real love displayed, it stands out, and it changes cruel and hard hearts because it conquers anything and everything.
It always trusts, so it doesn't have to chase, as some think they must do... chase after someone to make them love you? No, it expresses itself clearly but rests in calmness as it waits patiently. And people cannot help but be drawn to it.
I like the scripture about casting your bread on the water and it returning after many days. I think love works the same way. You cast it out there and one day, maybe a long time later, it returns.

 

[Risen]

Dear Follow-you-always, my heart goes out to you for you are in a very similar situation that I was two years ago. My husband knows that I love him and have forgiven him and that I will welcome him home as if he has never wronged me and our six children. I am grateful to have such a heart. I am grateful that my husband did leave us two years ago, for I would not know God as I know Him now. I did what beyond-broken is advising you to do " So totally surrender your husband to God, your marriage to God and yourself. And pray while believing GOD has already answered your prayers, it just hasnt been manifested yet!"
I do not hazel him anymore about his responsibility for our children. I have given everything to God for He has the final say. For the mean time, I continue to pray and uphold him and his mistress that one day they will have the opportunity to know God's unconditional love and forgiveness. Please know that God loves and cares for you more than you can imagine. He will more than willing to be your provider and be your shield. Embrace him and welcome Him to your family and live life as He intended you to. I now thank God for healing my heart and restoring His inner peace within my heart and soul likewise to my children. I also thank Him for restoring my family, I may not see it with my naked eyes but I can see it with my spiritual eyes.

May God's love and mercy surrounds you and your little ones and may you all be shielded in the power of His blood.

 

[psychomom]

I just wanted to add, I love you, and will pray for you, your husband, and your little ones.
Life is hard, but God is Good. &#9829; Remember to offer a sacrifice of praise.
ellie

 

[Icantstoplovinghim]

Im currently in the middle of a similar situation. At the moment I feel your pain it's a sickening pain a physical pain aswel as mental pain im praying for you sweetheart it tears you apart that the man you love so much can treat you so badly unfairly praying everyday that god will send my husband back to me and that we will have a stronger bond than ever and u will include you in my prayers lean on god put all your trust in him god will not support a non covenant relationship and you must keep believing that, god loves you and hears your prayers he will not let you down may god bless you and,keep you always hug for you x

 

[CB55]

Know that he is with you always to guide and comfort you. you are not alone!!!!!! Not only is he there, but we, your christian family are there for you and praying for you and your marriage. God please restore this most sacred union of yours. Amen