L
So I've only shared this story with two close friends, my youth pastor, and at an all girl's Christian retreat. So I'm not the best at keeping everything in order. The story is still hard for me to tell since the struggles are still going on today. I am currently 17 and my turning back to Jesus happen just under a year ago. Well I'm gonna start now.
My name is Laura but I was born Lauretta Teresa _______. I was the last born and the only girl. I have four older brothers who are curently 27, 25, 23, and 19. Since I can remember they have always looked out for me. I was born into a devout Roman Catholic home and baptized at just three months old. I had no choice in the matter. Mom was Catholic. Dad was Catholic. And all my brothers were Catholic. It was just the way lif was in my house. So I was basically raised in the church.
My Catholic schooling began at the age of three when I began three year old preschool. Since it was only half a day and both my parents worked full time jobs I went to darecare instead of four year old preschool. But when I entered kindgarden I was right back at the private Chatholic school. I went there all through eight grade then. This school was very small. My eight grade class only had 36 kids in it compared to the 200 some at the public junior highs in town. At this school, religion was taught daily so our first communion happened in first grade instead of second or third than confirmation happened for me in eight grade.
By this time in my life I was questioning my faith and the doctrine of the Catholic church. I begain rebelling and refusing to go to church at all. I stopped praying to God compleatly by the end of seventh grade. My mom had long since given up on making me go but still asked each week if I wanted to join her. But each week I was "too tired" I had "too much homework". I was making one excuse up after another till I finally said I just didn't want to go. It wasn't soon after that did she stop going. She was the last of my family to stop going.
In eight grade I was forced to memorize a total of over a hundred different prayers and bible verses. This was all for a grade and do we could be confirmed, basically meaning I would become an adult in the church. I was compleatly against this idea but kept me receiving the Chatolic rate for tuition. Now don't get me wrong my family does have money quite a bit of it too with my dad being a dentist but like everyone else in the country at the time we were hurting and trying to save as much money as we could since my parents were also paying for at lest two of my brothers to go to college.
So I was confirmed. It really wasn't that big of a deal I got money put of it from relatives, so that kinda made up for it. But after I was confirmed I wanted nothing else to do with the church and I got that after graduation. Our graduation ceremony took place at the church and from that day on I had nothing to do with the Catholic Church. There was no looking back I was a free woman. I could do what I wanted and I said whatever I damn well pleased. I became the opposite of what I had been raised.
I soon entered the public high school for my freshman year and was I shocked. I had never in my life emagin i would see so many druggies or pregos. I had been compleatly sheltered from this at my private little school. But before long it was normal. I decided to ditch my "perfect" group of Catholic friends and began hanging out with the druggies. I never once touched a hard drug but I did get offered quite regularly but I always said I wasn't ready. But it wasn't long before I started feeling an emptiness inside of me and I began longing to fill it.
I tried many different things to fill that whole. The first thing I turned to was alcohol. It was available to me. You see my dad was and still is an alcoholic. So vodka was easy for me to get and it was great. The hole was filled.... For a bit. But soon the whole opened again this time bigger. I tried more alcohol but that didn't help at all, so I turned to something new. Prescription pain killers.
I had them at my finger tips and I had as many as I wanted. I had injured my shoulder during swim season and my doctor had prescribed 600mg of muscle relaxers. They were great. They put me out almost instently. I loved them. But once again they were only temporary. The hole got even bigger this time.
I decided I was missing romance so I became involved with a guy extremely fast. Though I am still a virgin I was very close not to being one during this time of my life. All I cared about was pleasing him how ever I could. I "fell in love" with him and he became my god. But something happened between us and he got mad and left me. Not only was I heart broken but I had also lost my god.
Summer soon came and swimming became my life and so did work. I became compleatly distracted from my hole in my life and I was "happy". But once swimming was over popping pills took its place yet again. But popping wasn't by it's self I had discovered self injury. I had basically already been doing it all along but this time cutting became my hole filler. It wasnt long till i realized I had to find some place besides my arms to cut. I so realized my hip was a great place and the cutting continued.
My hole though got even bigger and I could never quite fill it. I got to the point I was sick of it and attempted suicide a few times. I still find what I attempted to do hard to believe but I did it and I choice to to recall specific incidents of those nights I just leave it as attempted suicide.
After a few failed suicide attempts I met Tyler. Tyler didn't look like your typical football player no he looked like a huge druggie and I loved that idea. It wasn't much more than a month later did I find out he had quit cold turcky months before and had found God. This was around the time he began inviting me to his youth group. He tried for months and it was almost the end of my sophomore year when I finally said yes just to shut him up.
I went for the first time and actually enjoyed it. It wasn't long before I was a regular. I even kept going during summer and swim season. I was straightning up. Making new friends and going back to my Chatholic friends who many had dropped the Chatholic and had become Baptist or Nazarin.
One of my Christian friends invited me to what's called "The Weekend- a journey with Christ" I was kinda iffy at first but I went. It was a three day all girls weekend retreat at my old Catholic school but it was compleatly nondenominational. I loved the whole weekend. Than on Sunday afternoon, October 31, 2010 I rededicated my life to Christ.
A few weeks later I begain going to church regually at a Baptist church but than switch to First Prezperterian where I currently go with my loving non pushy boyfriend. The youth leader there is great. I compleatly opened up to him and confessed my self injury problem. Though I was pissed at him for making me tell my parents I am grateful he did. Because of his love and careingness for me, I'm still alive.
Since The Weekend I have turned my life around. I have given up popping pills and drinking. The cutting has become less frequent though I still cut when stressed and overwhelmed. I began going to a Cristian Counclor after telling my parents about my cutting. And I have served as a team member on The Weekend sharing part of my story. Because of God I am still alive and I thank him daily.
I know this was extremely long and I'm sorry but I wanted to share my whole story. I apologize for the spelling misstakes. I'm not the best speller do to my dyslexia. Well thank you for reading if you read this far.
Laura
My name is Laura but I was born Lauretta Teresa _______. I was the last born and the only girl. I have four older brothers who are curently 27, 25, 23, and 19. Since I can remember they have always looked out for me. I was born into a devout Roman Catholic home and baptized at just three months old. I had no choice in the matter. Mom was Catholic. Dad was Catholic. And all my brothers were Catholic. It was just the way lif was in my house. So I was basically raised in the church.
My Catholic schooling began at the age of three when I began three year old preschool. Since it was only half a day and both my parents worked full time jobs I went to darecare instead of four year old preschool. But when I entered kindgarden I was right back at the private Chatholic school. I went there all through eight grade then. This school was very small. My eight grade class only had 36 kids in it compared to the 200 some at the public junior highs in town. At this school, religion was taught daily so our first communion happened in first grade instead of second or third than confirmation happened for me in eight grade.
By this time in my life I was questioning my faith and the doctrine of the Catholic church. I begain rebelling and refusing to go to church at all. I stopped praying to God compleatly by the end of seventh grade. My mom had long since given up on making me go but still asked each week if I wanted to join her. But each week I was "too tired" I had "too much homework". I was making one excuse up after another till I finally said I just didn't want to go. It wasn't soon after that did she stop going. She was the last of my family to stop going.
In eight grade I was forced to memorize a total of over a hundred different prayers and bible verses. This was all for a grade and do we could be confirmed, basically meaning I would become an adult in the church. I was compleatly against this idea but kept me receiving the Chatolic rate for tuition. Now don't get me wrong my family does have money quite a bit of it too with my dad being a dentist but like everyone else in the country at the time we were hurting and trying to save as much money as we could since my parents were also paying for at lest two of my brothers to go to college.
So I was confirmed. It really wasn't that big of a deal I got money put of it from relatives, so that kinda made up for it. But after I was confirmed I wanted nothing else to do with the church and I got that after graduation. Our graduation ceremony took place at the church and from that day on I had nothing to do with the Catholic Church. There was no looking back I was a free woman. I could do what I wanted and I said whatever I damn well pleased. I became the opposite of what I had been raised.
I soon entered the public high school for my freshman year and was I shocked. I had never in my life emagin i would see so many druggies or pregos. I had been compleatly sheltered from this at my private little school. But before long it was normal. I decided to ditch my "perfect" group of Catholic friends and began hanging out with the druggies. I never once touched a hard drug but I did get offered quite regularly but I always said I wasn't ready. But it wasn't long before I started feeling an emptiness inside of me and I began longing to fill it.
I tried many different things to fill that whole. The first thing I turned to was alcohol. It was available to me. You see my dad was and still is an alcoholic. So vodka was easy for me to get and it was great. The hole was filled.... For a bit. But soon the whole opened again this time bigger. I tried more alcohol but that didn't help at all, so I turned to something new. Prescription pain killers.
I had them at my finger tips and I had as many as I wanted. I had injured my shoulder during swim season and my doctor had prescribed 600mg of muscle relaxers. They were great. They put me out almost instently. I loved them. But once again they were only temporary. The hole got even bigger this time.
I decided I was missing romance so I became involved with a guy extremely fast. Though I am still a virgin I was very close not to being one during this time of my life. All I cared about was pleasing him how ever I could. I "fell in love" with him and he became my god. But something happened between us and he got mad and left me. Not only was I heart broken but I had also lost my god.
Summer soon came and swimming became my life and so did work. I became compleatly distracted from my hole in my life and I was "happy". But once swimming was over popping pills took its place yet again. But popping wasn't by it's self I had discovered self injury. I had basically already been doing it all along but this time cutting became my hole filler. It wasnt long till i realized I had to find some place besides my arms to cut. I so realized my hip was a great place and the cutting continued.
My hole though got even bigger and I could never quite fill it. I got to the point I was sick of it and attempted suicide a few times. I still find what I attempted to do hard to believe but I did it and I choice to to recall specific incidents of those nights I just leave it as attempted suicide.
After a few failed suicide attempts I met Tyler. Tyler didn't look like your typical football player no he looked like a huge druggie and I loved that idea. It wasn't much more than a month later did I find out he had quit cold turcky months before and had found God. This was around the time he began inviting me to his youth group. He tried for months and it was almost the end of my sophomore year when I finally said yes just to shut him up.
I went for the first time and actually enjoyed it. It wasn't long before I was a regular. I even kept going during summer and swim season. I was straightning up. Making new friends and going back to my Chatholic friends who many had dropped the Chatholic and had become Baptist or Nazarin.
One of my Christian friends invited me to what's called "The Weekend- a journey with Christ" I was kinda iffy at first but I went. It was a three day all girls weekend retreat at my old Catholic school but it was compleatly nondenominational. I loved the whole weekend. Than on Sunday afternoon, October 31, 2010 I rededicated my life to Christ.
A few weeks later I begain going to church regually at a Baptist church but than switch to First Prezperterian where I currently go with my loving non pushy boyfriend. The youth leader there is great. I compleatly opened up to him and confessed my self injury problem. Though I was pissed at him for making me tell my parents I am grateful he did. Because of his love and careingness for me, I'm still alive.
Since The Weekend I have turned my life around. I have given up popping pills and drinking. The cutting has become less frequent though I still cut when stressed and overwhelmed. I began going to a Cristian Counclor after telling my parents about my cutting. And I have served as a team member on The Weekend sharing part of my story. Because of God I am still alive and I thank him daily.
I know this was extremely long and I'm sorry but I wanted to share my whole story. I apologize for the spelling misstakes. I'm not the best speller do to my dyslexia. Well thank you for reading if you read this far.
Laura