M
This is a testimony of my backsliding and coming back, God will always be my lighthouse:
I was really going through a time about 2 years ago from now. It was a true wrestle between God's will and my own (or others) will for me.
Yet this goes back to sophomore year in High School, I prayed in all faith and earnestly that "God would help me get into a Christian college, if it was His will" (less earnest on the last part). I was sure it was His will for me to go to a Christian college, I mean why not. I could grow more in the Word and fellowship, etc. Secular college would only do the opposite. I was sure I knew what God wanted, I WAS WRONG, laha.
Senior year I moved to a different state because of scholarships, it was the most miraculous thing in itself but a different story I could tell some other time perhaps. It was also the worst. I had no idea what to do, no Christian college was wanting me and I knew God wouldn't want me to go to a secular school. I tried and tried to no avail, so I didn't care anymore. I was dum enough to say "if God doesn't care about me or my situation then I'll just pick one of these secular colleges. I guess He doesn't care if I lose my salvation." Here with the secular schools I had every options you could think of because of my gpa and involvement in the community. Yet I didn't want to move real far from my family and this greatly disappointed them because I was suppose to attend a elite college, and was really close to going, but back down last minute and went for one in my state. This was a doing my own will thing, I prayed but never waited for God's answer. I even began to believe God doesn't answer prayer... as you can imagine I was going down. I was become more and more like the old me.
Sadly, I had, after going to the college that everyone chose for me and dropping out from unhappiness. I was suppose to be strongly rooted in God but I wasn't. I no longer believed in God and began the old rhythm of life(no proof, no evidence, how could I ever believed in that, etc.). I had completely forgot how much God meant to me, I had left my first love. The strange thing is, I didn't even realize it until I was there. It was great at first didn't have to feel bad for just being human (lying, angry, selfish, reading what I wanted, saying what I wanted, lusting, unforgiving, hateful, disobedient, etc.) but slowing I ran back into the junk the devil left out in the beginning of my backsliding. Depression, suicidal thoughts, and self-harm I had in the past. I was miserable, but refused to believe in spite.
Praise God though it wasn't long.
Not only did I come back to God I surrendered everything this time and in return He delivered me from depression, suicidal thoughts, and self-harm completely! I didn't know what God wanted for my life, but I didn't care, all I wanted was Him. I wanted to know Him this time, understand who He is, and who I am in Him. I was seeking and I found, still I couldn't understand what He wanted from me. I was having trouble finding a school, and owed money to the college I dropped. I couldn't get a job, I looked everywhere. Little did I know that God was answering someone else's prayer through me.
A family had moved from Ohio and needed a Christian to babysit their child, someone good and that they could trust. They had tried and look for one everywhere. I was the exact answer to their prayer(everything they had ask in a sitter I was), I had to wait a year for school and go through everything but it turned out that me dropping out and needed a job was the way to be a prayer answered for someone else. And they paid me a fortune to watch their child too! I paid the school off just in time to go to another school, but that wasn't where God wanted me either, because though it was an easy school for anyone to get in, it wasn't for me. At the last minute(I do mean last minute, try applying and getting everything in 3 days) I applied to another of the top schools in the state and got excepted right away! Isn't it great when He's late, but still on time!
I am now attended this Secular College in the inner city, it has it's challenges, but God prepared me well in the year before. what territory, it's a witnessing playground, laha! I do not know if this is a good testimony and I did leave somethings out for times sake, but this experience of trial has really help me in my life, scripture, prayer, and all the above. I hope it can bless others also. I'm glad God didn't let me stay away from Him and excepted me again despite my failures and foolishness, I thank God for those who prayed for me. What a good God we serve!!!
[video=youtube;dSn9HW5P-sA]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSn9HW5P-sA[/video]
I was really going through a time about 2 years ago from now. It was a true wrestle between God's will and my own (or others) will for me.
Yet this goes back to sophomore year in High School, I prayed in all faith and earnestly that "God would help me get into a Christian college, if it was His will" (less earnest on the last part). I was sure it was His will for me to go to a Christian college, I mean why not. I could grow more in the Word and fellowship, etc. Secular college would only do the opposite. I was sure I knew what God wanted, I WAS WRONG, laha.
Senior year I moved to a different state because of scholarships, it was the most miraculous thing in itself but a different story I could tell some other time perhaps. It was also the worst. I had no idea what to do, no Christian college was wanting me and I knew God wouldn't want me to go to a secular school. I tried and tried to no avail, so I didn't care anymore. I was dum enough to say "if God doesn't care about me or my situation then I'll just pick one of these secular colleges. I guess He doesn't care if I lose my salvation." Here with the secular schools I had every options you could think of because of my gpa and involvement in the community. Yet I didn't want to move real far from my family and this greatly disappointed them because I was suppose to attend a elite college, and was really close to going, but back down last minute and went for one in my state. This was a doing my own will thing, I prayed but never waited for God's answer. I even began to believe God doesn't answer prayer... as you can imagine I was going down. I was become more and more like the old me.
Sadly, I had, after going to the college that everyone chose for me and dropping out from unhappiness. I was suppose to be strongly rooted in God but I wasn't. I no longer believed in God and began the old rhythm of life(no proof, no evidence, how could I ever believed in that, etc.). I had completely forgot how much God meant to me, I had left my first love. The strange thing is, I didn't even realize it until I was there. It was great at first didn't have to feel bad for just being human (lying, angry, selfish, reading what I wanted, saying what I wanted, lusting, unforgiving, hateful, disobedient, etc.) but slowing I ran back into the junk the devil left out in the beginning of my backsliding. Depression, suicidal thoughts, and self-harm I had in the past. I was miserable, but refused to believe in spite.
Praise God though it wasn't long.
Not only did I come back to God I surrendered everything this time and in return He delivered me from depression, suicidal thoughts, and self-harm completely! I didn't know what God wanted for my life, but I didn't care, all I wanted was Him. I wanted to know Him this time, understand who He is, and who I am in Him. I was seeking and I found, still I couldn't understand what He wanted from me. I was having trouble finding a school, and owed money to the college I dropped. I couldn't get a job, I looked everywhere. Little did I know that God was answering someone else's prayer through me.
A family had moved from Ohio and needed a Christian to babysit their child, someone good and that they could trust. They had tried and look for one everywhere. I was the exact answer to their prayer(everything they had ask in a sitter I was), I had to wait a year for school and go through everything but it turned out that me dropping out and needed a job was the way to be a prayer answered for someone else. And they paid me a fortune to watch their child too! I paid the school off just in time to go to another school, but that wasn't where God wanted me either, because though it was an easy school for anyone to get in, it wasn't for me. At the last minute(I do mean last minute, try applying and getting everything in 3 days) I applied to another of the top schools in the state and got excepted right away! Isn't it great when He's late, but still on time!
I am now attended this Secular College in the inner city, it has it's challenges, but God prepared me well in the year before. what territory, it's a witnessing playground, laha! I do not know if this is a good testimony and I did leave somethings out for times sake, but this experience of trial has really help me in my life, scripture, prayer, and all the above. I hope it can bless others also. I'm glad God didn't let me stay away from Him and excepted me again despite my failures and foolishness, I thank God for those who prayed for me. What a good God we serve!!!
[video=youtube;dSn9HW5P-sA]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSn9HW5P-sA[/video]