J
i grew up in a christian home with christian family but u know how the flesh is want to be wild.. and just be lawless, but after like a few years ago after my father passed just got like out of control and didn't care anymore i didn't even cry at my father's funeral because of how angry i was but anyways months went by and this anger just grew more and more so i met some friends and started smoking to calm down... started partying to get away from that feeling became a hardcore drinker just so i would be away from reality, this went on for a few years until recently i started questioning myself.. what is the purpose for me being alive? why am i here i just don't understand then i started to feel guilty for the things i was doing but i was still doing it i actually wanted to stop but i didn't know how too.. anyways i still was questioning myself until i had a sleep over by a friend me and some other guys bought a large amount of weed...but anyways i started smoking it with them and then something hit me... it was a strange feeling never felt anything like that in my life it was like i felt like my soul had come out of me and i felt like nothing i felt soulless it's a weird thing to explain but that's the only way i can explain it but then i started to get scared in my mind and was wondering what was happening and started to freak out and was thinking was it that i miss the rapture and that i'm still here i just didn't know and then some weirds things started happening to me, my friend was actually in the lodge and i was sleeping over at his house with some other friends and he was playing some music.. and i'm not joking it was like i heard the devil said in the music " you have gone too far your soul is mine" and i didn't know if it was me or something interceding in me and started saying in my mind the devil is a liar i rebuke that in jesus name i, and i also saw in my mind like so much evil things were coming after me to get me but in my mind i also so my father i just can't explain it i'm doing the best i can but it was like he was protecting me from the evil that was trying to come and get me this continued for about 5 hours until morning immediately after that i said no, this can't end like this i went home and told my mother everything and began to cry in shame but she forgived me this was a sunday morning and i haven't went to church in like almost a year but i decided to go on that sunday morning, and why i got to this church the pastor was preaching on the subject " God wants to ignite somebody today" little did i know that this message was meant for me but anyways at the end of the service the pastor called people up to the altar for prayers i wasn't too sure weather to go or not but my mother took my hand and took me to the altar immediately the pastor came to me and started telling me stories about my life exact stories everysingle thing was spot on i never seen anything like that in my life he said that down in my heart i knew it was wrong and i was questioning myself about what i was doing which is the truth he told me about the friends that i've been hanging out with and some other stuff i never seen anything like that in my life after this happen my faith went up i had the desire to hear more and in the evening service i went back and he preached a similar message i can't remember the name of the service exactly but at the end the pastor call everyone to the altar and everyone was praying and he was saying just believe( i think can't remember this part) but i was trying so hard i was actually forcing myself to believe and have faith i tried so hard until it happen, i felt this burning sensation that ran straight through my body from my legs to my chest and it just stood there on my chest it was such a warm feeling it wasn't a harmful heat it just felt so warm and good and loving and i fell on the ground my body got so weak i couldn't help myself or force myself it was just like i was laying back in a bed i just feel back and started to wheep and when i got up i just found myself saying thank you god thank you god but i didn't know why i just kept saying thank you god thank you god and crying, not after this happening soon i went home i got this hunger feeling inside of my heart the kind of hunger as if you haven't eaten in a month or 2 years i just had this hunger inside to know more about god so i rushed to a bible was so excited to read it so i became reading it and watching sermons for hours , then i realised my life had completely been changed i couldn't stand to see the place messy i cleaned the entire house everyday, i told everyone on facebook and every person what god did for me, i felt so guilty for the sins i did that it made me cry when i think about it and ask myself how could you save a sinner like me god? i had this huge guilt on me for some time for that reason, and i actually can see when god was talking to me it was such an amazing thing and feeling when you know he is talking to you, the same night i ask myself how can i get to know you god? then my mother turned on the radio and immediately there was a sermon playing it had just started the topic was " how to get intimate with god" it was an overwhelming feeling because i know he was talking to me, but then some weeks past and i didn't know the cross i bear was so heavy at some times i would wheep in my bed and beg god to take me away so i don't have to feel this pain, but since this happen i never went back i can't i have been reborn my the grace of god! he gave me the courage to get rid of every in my life that isn't a benefit to me and praising my god so i deleted every friend i had out of my life even girls and because of this they came back to me and started to cuss me and said i'm crazy and alot of stuff, and it's such an amazing feeling knowing that every single thing in the bible is the truth such an amazing feeling, some time had passed and temptations and tribulations came, i got tempted so much that i gave into it a few times.. this began to eat me up inside i suffered from depression for days and questioning myself how can i love god and do something like this.. so i started to question my salvation and from this fear came i started to fear and from that i started to even question reality and was having anxiety attacks i was down for weeks because of this.. until i came across this scripture Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10 and after seeing this it gave me the faith to believe and the anxiety and fear left me, well this is my testimony of my life so far after receiving the holy spirit