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Well first of all let me start off by saying Hello to the Person reading this. Hope all is well with you and if not then may the Lord God Almighty Heal what ever situations that are in your path.. Amen
Ok well my Testimony starts off like this:
I was Born on May 9th to my Mom SM. She bring a Christian at The Church of Christ along with her family. My Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins and so forth, and well that's where my life landed. Going to church every Sunday Morning, Evening and Weds nights. But even tho I had a Spiritual upbringing didn't mean that my life was the best. I had to deal with an abusive father and mother. I dealt with physical, mental and sadly to say sexual abuse from my father. My mom well she didn't have a very good upbringing either and I know she went through a lot too so I guess she really didn't know how to be a mother when it came to discipline. I didn't find out tell later in life that it was called physical abuse that she was doing to me. I don't even think she knew, to her it was just plain old spanking. Now my dad wasn't so nice to her either. I had to watch him beat my mom numerous times. I remember every detail fresh in my mind. From the yelling to the crying to the chasing to the beatings to the blood. It was awful. I remember the cries that my mom did so desperately when she was getting beat for him to stop, but he wouldn't. There was this one time that he split her head open with a broom stick. Now that I think about it and am actually writing this down and reading it, its actually a Very Horrible Story. Feeling Sad..... 8,(
But the Abuse didn't stop there cause there I was young and innocent when one day he Robbed me of that. I was only 5 yrs old.. When he beat and raped me. My mom was at the hospital having my baby sister. I was so scared. I was lost and out of words. If I said anything he would of killed my mom, well at least that's what he told me. I fell into depression and acting out. Things that I didn't understand then but do now. I started to shut down as it continued. Then one very early morning when my sister was just 3months old, I remember waking up to screams.. Now this I don't remember if the screams came from my mom or my sister. But what I do remember is that my dad was standing over my sisters crib when my mom woke up and there was lots of pillows in the crib and near her face. I remember my mom waking up and started screaming when she saw my sister. She picked up my sister and called 911. They came and took my sister to the hospital. My dad kept saying to himself, she wouldn't stop crying, she just wouldn't stop. I kept hearing him. cause I was the one who stayed at home with him when my mom went in the ambulance with my sister. Well that morning before we went to the Hospital was one of the worst morning in my life. He made me do things that were horrible. Tears to my eyes. 8,,(
Then we went to the hospital and all I remember is that I had to sit outside and look at my sister through the window cause I could not go in for being so young. When I saw my sister I felt empty. I felt dead. I saw her connected to all kinds of tubes, going in her little nose, her mouth, there was IV'S connected, her eyes where covered with wrap, it was an ugly experience. Felt like my worst ever. I really didn't think life was gonna get any better and it didn't. For the next 2 days she was connected to those machines. Then the doctor told my mom that she was a vegetable. That she was brain dead, that the only thing keeping her alive was the machines. My mom cried and cried and pleaded with the doctor to save her but he said there was nothing else he could do. So then they unplugged the Machines and just like that she was gone. I took it very hard cause I was the one always with her. I blamed myself for not helping her. when I woke up that morning I heard crying or screaming but was scared a few mins later I heard my mom screaming. The Hospital pronounced her dead due to Crib-Death. I on the other hand Deep Down know my father killed her, But I was only a Very frighten 5yr old. With really no one to turn to. I took the death of my sister very hard. RIP my lil sis. I shut down, my body shut down. I started to talk to myself and make believe I was someone else. I didn't have no friends at school. so I kept to myself. this was my life for the next 5 years. Of course during those 5 years my mom did have my 2 brother and they were abused to by our father. just awful stories with them. When I was 10 yrs of age my mom found out that she was pregnant with my lil sister. but then one day when she came home from work I was crying with a bad stomach ache and there was blood on my underpants. She asked me what had happened and I kept quite. I was terrified. She rushed me to the hospital and they examined me and that's when they told her I had been molested. She cried and asked me who. I was Mute. I wouldn't talk due to me being threaten all these years. she kept saying names and I would just look at her. She kept asking if it was my dad and I would just look at her when inside all I wanted to say was yes. but couldn't get it out. She confronted my dad and said she called the police He left, disappeared and I guess she got her answer there. They put me in counseling and every time I went I never spoke. I went for a year and never spoke so they stopped me from going. Then my mom got a new boyfriend and just when I was getting the feeling that everything was gonna be ok. he started molesting me too.. another just like my dad. he used to beat my mom and us. by this time I was a teenager, it was the worst teenage tears ever. I had to wear baggy clothes and I looked ugly. Finally when I was 16 Social Services took us away from our mother cause he beat her so bad that she tried to kill herself. and because she found out that he was also molesting my younger sister. My mom left him and did everything required by law to get us back. and we came home a few months later. to my mom single and working.. then she started to go to parties with friends from work and having parties at her house. and we were all there.. then I turned 18 and by that time we had stopped going to church. I met a boy when was Goth, and i had stated getting into that when we returned home from foster care. so i got more into it. it turned out that he wasn't goth he was a Satanist. I had my firstborn with him a beautiful lil girl. but we were together and we did our thing. a lot im not proud of and a lot i know was wrong but then by babygirl start to have night terrors and deep down in my heart i knew God and traded in all my goth wicked ways for her life.. for my daughters freedom and for her to be blessed happy and evil free. no matter how low i got God never left me alone. he always welcome back with open arms. today my babygirls is 13 and she smart funny and into the Lord. and for that i Thank God and Worship Him.. im still learning and still have my downfalls but i strive for him to always be with me.. thank you reading my testimony, but it doesn't stop there, but i have no more time to write so until next that i write please pray for me to have strength wisdom courage understanding will power and everything that a Christian women need to become a great mother and a loving wife. thanks
my testimony to be continued.......
Ok well my Testimony starts off like this:
I was Born on May 9th to my Mom SM. She bring a Christian at The Church of Christ along with her family. My Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins and so forth, and well that's where my life landed. Going to church every Sunday Morning, Evening and Weds nights. But even tho I had a Spiritual upbringing didn't mean that my life was the best. I had to deal with an abusive father and mother. I dealt with physical, mental and sadly to say sexual abuse from my father. My mom well she didn't have a very good upbringing either and I know she went through a lot too so I guess she really didn't know how to be a mother when it came to discipline. I didn't find out tell later in life that it was called physical abuse that she was doing to me. I don't even think she knew, to her it was just plain old spanking. Now my dad wasn't so nice to her either. I had to watch him beat my mom numerous times. I remember every detail fresh in my mind. From the yelling to the crying to the chasing to the beatings to the blood. It was awful. I remember the cries that my mom did so desperately when she was getting beat for him to stop, but he wouldn't. There was this one time that he split her head open with a broom stick. Now that I think about it and am actually writing this down and reading it, its actually a Very Horrible Story. Feeling Sad..... 8,(
But the Abuse didn't stop there cause there I was young and innocent when one day he Robbed me of that. I was only 5 yrs old.. When he beat and raped me. My mom was at the hospital having my baby sister. I was so scared. I was lost and out of words. If I said anything he would of killed my mom, well at least that's what he told me. I fell into depression and acting out. Things that I didn't understand then but do now. I started to shut down as it continued. Then one very early morning when my sister was just 3months old, I remember waking up to screams.. Now this I don't remember if the screams came from my mom or my sister. But what I do remember is that my dad was standing over my sisters crib when my mom woke up and there was lots of pillows in the crib and near her face. I remember my mom waking up and started screaming when she saw my sister. She picked up my sister and called 911. They came and took my sister to the hospital. My dad kept saying to himself, she wouldn't stop crying, she just wouldn't stop. I kept hearing him. cause I was the one who stayed at home with him when my mom went in the ambulance with my sister. Well that morning before we went to the Hospital was one of the worst morning in my life. He made me do things that were horrible. Tears to my eyes. 8,,(
Then we went to the hospital and all I remember is that I had to sit outside and look at my sister through the window cause I could not go in for being so young. When I saw my sister I felt empty. I felt dead. I saw her connected to all kinds of tubes, going in her little nose, her mouth, there was IV'S connected, her eyes where covered with wrap, it was an ugly experience. Felt like my worst ever. I really didn't think life was gonna get any better and it didn't. For the next 2 days she was connected to those machines. Then the doctor told my mom that she was a vegetable. That she was brain dead, that the only thing keeping her alive was the machines. My mom cried and cried and pleaded with the doctor to save her but he said there was nothing else he could do. So then they unplugged the Machines and just like that she was gone. I took it very hard cause I was the one always with her. I blamed myself for not helping her. when I woke up that morning I heard crying or screaming but was scared a few mins later I heard my mom screaming. The Hospital pronounced her dead due to Crib-Death. I on the other hand Deep Down know my father killed her, But I was only a Very frighten 5yr old. With really no one to turn to. I took the death of my sister very hard. RIP my lil sis. I shut down, my body shut down. I started to talk to myself and make believe I was someone else. I didn't have no friends at school. so I kept to myself. this was my life for the next 5 years. Of course during those 5 years my mom did have my 2 brother and they were abused to by our father. just awful stories with them. When I was 10 yrs of age my mom found out that she was pregnant with my lil sister. but then one day when she came home from work I was crying with a bad stomach ache and there was blood on my underpants. She asked me what had happened and I kept quite. I was terrified. She rushed me to the hospital and they examined me and that's when they told her I had been molested. She cried and asked me who. I was Mute. I wouldn't talk due to me being threaten all these years. she kept saying names and I would just look at her. She kept asking if it was my dad and I would just look at her when inside all I wanted to say was yes. but couldn't get it out. She confronted my dad and said she called the police He left, disappeared and I guess she got her answer there. They put me in counseling and every time I went I never spoke. I went for a year and never spoke so they stopped me from going. Then my mom got a new boyfriend and just when I was getting the feeling that everything was gonna be ok. he started molesting me too.. another just like my dad. he used to beat my mom and us. by this time I was a teenager, it was the worst teenage tears ever. I had to wear baggy clothes and I looked ugly. Finally when I was 16 Social Services took us away from our mother cause he beat her so bad that she tried to kill herself. and because she found out that he was also molesting my younger sister. My mom left him and did everything required by law to get us back. and we came home a few months later. to my mom single and working.. then she started to go to parties with friends from work and having parties at her house. and we were all there.. then I turned 18 and by that time we had stopped going to church. I met a boy when was Goth, and i had stated getting into that when we returned home from foster care. so i got more into it. it turned out that he wasn't goth he was a Satanist. I had my firstborn with him a beautiful lil girl. but we were together and we did our thing. a lot im not proud of and a lot i know was wrong but then by babygirl start to have night terrors and deep down in my heart i knew God and traded in all my goth wicked ways for her life.. for my daughters freedom and for her to be blessed happy and evil free. no matter how low i got God never left me alone. he always welcome back with open arms. today my babygirls is 13 and she smart funny and into the Lord. and for that i Thank God and Worship Him.. im still learning and still have my downfalls but i strive for him to always be with me.. thank you reading my testimony, but it doesn't stop there, but i have no more time to write so until next that i write please pray for me to have strength wisdom courage understanding will power and everything that a Christian women need to become a great mother and a loving wife. thanks
my testimony to be continued.......
