My Wife finally admits her unhappiness

[Apples4Oranges]

I was horribly depressed during my pregnancy. I literally had no joy, happieness, or excitement about having a child. Being a bad mother has always been one of my biggest fears. Although my situation was different, I'm single and the father didn't stick around long enough to find out the gender. My mother was/is my support system. She spoke positively around me but she didnt push me to do anything I didnt want to do. She was there for me and supported me the best way she knew how, even though the rest of my family didnt agree with her. She allowed me to go through what I needed to go through in a safe judgement free environment.
The day my son was born is the most joy filled day Of my life. You know after the horrible 36 hour labor part lol. My 8 month old son is the sweetest, healthiest, and happiest baby. Everwhere we go people say what a happy baby. Even though I was horribly depressed during my entire pregnancy.

Dont let her take away your excitement and joy. Codependancy can do that. All she needs is your support, for you to be there, and hear her. For her to know its ok for her to feel how she feels. Feelings are one thing, actions are another. A positive thing to do for her depression is to go on regular walks with her, as often as you can. And a good way to spend quality time together.

 

[smomma06]

Just make sure you are always available if she needs to talk or just go to the bathroom alone. Just help out at the house and show your love by doing the little things etc. My husband dont do around the house and i have a 7 year old, 2 1/2 year old and am currently pregnant so sometimes i am not looking towards having this baby as more stuff for me to handle since i doubt he will step up and help. Just help her with housework and such and treat her like she is your queen.

 

[PopClick]

Two other posters already said what I was thinking. Ask her what she'd like you to do. She probably wants some kind of reassurance, but you're not a mind-reader. Ask her what she wants, and unless she asks you to do something ridiculous, then pay attention to what she says.

And find out how she wants you to show love. Her love language probably has little to do with receiving gifts, but I'm guessing that yours does, because that's how you try to make her feel special. So how does she try to make you feel special? Does she always want to spend time with you? Or does she tell you what you mean to her? However she shows love, is probably the way that she would like to receive it. But, again, ask her. Don't keep buying clothes if it isn't what she wants. Communication is absolutely essential.

I realize that there is more to the story than what you've typed here, but based on what you have shared, these are the two things that jumped out at me. And I'll be praying for all four of you.

 

[presidente]

I'm late to this thread, but some women's hormones go crazy during pregnancy. Does your wife respect the value of human life? She's not 'pro-choice' is she? Just try to stay cheerful and supportive. Pray for her and pray with her. Pregnancy hormones can also influence a woman to get upset about all kinds of things when your not even arguing and to be more argumentative than normal. Be supportive and patient and pray. Beware of the post-partum hormones, too. They can cause some of the same effects, combined with the momma-bear instincts to protect the baby cub. Let her know that you'll be there, Comfort her and allay her fears. Don't get caught up in the storm of emotions. Don't let her depression depress you. If she gets upset, don't get upset. Be a source of calm and stability for her.

 

[Lucy68]

If she is literally biting you then she needs help!

 

[brokenclay]

Dear brother; how long have you been married? Do you know her that well? For her to say lets have a baby and then the closer the date is she seems apprehensive. Another husband on here just discovered that his wife has been seeing another man. He is hurting big time. This is getting to be a real issue with Christian couples and husbands are all nice and going through trauma and not seeing Satan has a grip on their spouse. This comes from one spouse being all headover heels in love with Jesus and the other one is hiding issues in their heart. This happened to me and over financial struggles i lost her. I pleaded with the Lord and she eventually came back. So its been almost 30 years we've been married. And now having an autistic son for 26 of those years has not made things smooth but we love each other with openness and not hiding things.
Praying for God to bring your wife around to being frank with you about herself. And running around to please someone who doesn't even say thank you or smile for you should indicate some serious underlying issues she needs to come clean about.

 

[J-Kay-2]

Dear brother; how long have you been married? Do you know her that well? For her to say lets have a baby and then the closer the date is she seems apprehensive. Another husband on here just discovered that his wife has been seeing another man. He is hurting big time. This is getting to be a real issue with Christian couples and husbands are all nice and going through trauma and not seeing Satan has a grip on their spouse. This comes from one spouse being all headover heels in love with Jesus and the other one is hiding issues in their heart. This happened to me and over financial struggles i lost her. I pleaded with the Lord and she eventually came back. So its been almost 30 years we've been married. And now having an autistic son for 26 of those years has not made things smooth but we love each other with openness and not hiding things.
Praying for God to bring your wife around to being frank with you about herself. And running around to please someone who doesn't even say thank you or smile for you should indicate some serious underlying issues she needs to come clean about.

Man I am so glad you brought this up. I hated to judge the woman not really
knowing his wife. But something just did not feel right about it. My first thought
was 'maybe it is hormonal'....but still as he talked about being so excited about
the birth of his child, I thought ' hmmm, maybe jealous of the attention he is
giving the unborn child.' No, that isn't it. I think there have been some awesome
words of wisdom shared with him from many who have had pregnancies.
I had 3 children. I did not plan on #1 and # 2 was not planned, but I never
felt the way he speaks of his wife acts. I think there is more to this and all we
as Christians can do is pray for him and the baby as he has asked. She has a
jewel of a husband. He does not deserve this treatment... Let's hope it is
hormonal. That can be fixed. I am just glad you sensed something is just not
right with this picture. God bless him, his new baby to be and step-child and
may his wife come to Christ if she has not yet received Him.

 

[Mammachickadee]

I feel crushed, confused and a whole bunch of emotions right now. I am days away from having MY first child with my Wife and I have been excited from day 1, I mean bubbling with joy lol I've prepared along time for it. I noticed months back as I prepared by purchasing things for the baby early and how my Wife would literally seem very unhappy or not as enthused (not nearly) but would try to kill my joy because she was so unhappy. Here's the thing though SHE'S the one who pushed to have this baby! So I eventually got on the idea but she has been so depressed seemingly, understanding of her hormones and sickness, but when I'm excited and celebrating my unborn child she's looking at me like I'm stupid for celebrating. Personally I feel she should be happy alone for the fact that so many men my race & every other race are walking out or care very little for their families. On top of that she has a toddler whom I've taken in as my own, I mean I am a man who meets the needs of my family. So Fast Forward. We got into it today she finally admits to me that she is just not happy about this pregnancy. She claims its because her first pregnancy was bad the guy did her wrong etc and she's afraid I'll do the same. (???) I am dumbfounded. Any advice?
My biggest concern now is that my child now will be depressed and other stuff because my wife has been this entire pregnancy.
Pray for the well-being of my unborn child please.

If it's any consolation, it doesn't really work like that. I was depressed and always stressed out my entire first pregnancy, but my daughter turned out to be continually happy and even a bit flaky. A lot of depression during pregnancy stems from low self esteem and feelings of neglect. As sad as it is, sometimes a pregnant woman just needs to be coddled. God buy her something she loves or even call periodically in the middle of her busy days to see how she's doing and if she wants anything. If she needs help at home, do it and order her to sit down. She may feel a twinge of guilt, but just make it clear you are doing it out of love and not because you feel she doesn't do a good enough job etc.