need advice

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wit2Christlv

Guest
#1
#1
So Im reposting this question because Im new to this site and I was told that I posted it in the wrong area ( thanks Ugly) so here Ill ask again. How do I tell someone I love that their making alot of bad choice in life, anywhere from smoking to drinking to always being negative to unable to forgive, without me sounding like I think Im so perfect and just trying to be judgemental. Cus thats not the case at all. I just really care and want them to have the best life possible. Their Christians and one Catholic but they have a different kind of relationship with the Lord then I do. How should I tell them or should I just pray for them and leave it in God's hands. They know right from wrong. Please help
 
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Ugly

Guest
#2
#2
I know i already responded to you, but with this extra information, i'll see if i can gear it more to the situation.
Smoking is tricky. Some people see scripture such as 'your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit' as evidence we should take care of our bodies, hence, not smoke. But usually the argument is that people eat things that are bad, so whats the difference.
Drinking, i'm assuming you mean to get drunk? If that's the case scripture is clear. There are plenty of scriptures that teach about drunkiness. Now if its just a more casual drinking, that is subjective to each person. I, for one, don't drink at all. But i my dad, or family members will have an occasional drink. Usually just a small drink, nothing to even get them tipsy. Maybe a glass of wine. I don't like the taste and i don't really care to drink anyways. But they are ok with it in those small amounts. Nothing wrong with that.
Unforgivness is a hard one. You can point out that they may have this problem, and if they are aware already, its not going to do much good to tell them again unless you can offer them some help. If they aren't aware, it depends on the person, it could open their eyes, or they could be in denial. Scripture could also be used in this.
Negativity is another hard one. I've been there myself. Often times it is a deep seated issue that has been reinforced for years, and can take years to overcome. And sometimes it can take years to even admit to. The best argument a person has to deny their negativity is 'i'm not being negative, i'm being realistic'. Its hard to convince them out of that.

It sounds like you have quite a list, and you imply there could be more. I think it would be difficult to approach a person and say 'ok, you have this, that, those, and the other wrong in your life' and not come across looking bad in their eyes. If it were one, maaybe two issues, then it would be ok. But it sounds like you're looking at entire lifestyles, not just a bad habit or two. The only way to effectively get someone, even a Christian, to change their lifestyles, is to change their outlook. And that is not easy to do.
Normally i'm all for getting in a friends face (in a good way haha) and speaking up, but with this many things on your mind and heart, it may be safer to hold back, pray and try to live by example.
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#3
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#3
No matter HOW you say it, they may not want to hear it. Yet, as their friend you probably feel like you should say something.

Whatever you say always let them know first how much you love them and are sincerely concerned about their welfare. They may react negatively at first, but be patient with that....the words may sink in later. Then wait a day or so and contact them again to see how they're doing. Don't keep repeating the same thing. If they don't listen the first time, they'll just get irritated with you if keep saying the same thing over and over. Praying for them helps tremendously so please don't forget to do this first and continue doing it :).

Praying for you....courage, strength, and wisdom :).
 
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wit2Christlv

Guest
#4
#4
Thank you both for your wonderful advice... I think by leading by example and praying might be the best way to go. I was thinking of starting a Bible study in my home and inviting them to join in and point them to the correct scriptures and then pray it hits home for them. I just got this awesome study Bible and it explains the scriptures by telling the message God was trying to get across and how it pertains to our life now. God has pulled me out of my bondage and I know He will do the same for them. Thanks again
 
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danschance

Guest
#5
#5
If they are of age, they can legally smoke and drink. Telling them not to might not work at all. I think the best thing to do is to pray for them and look for the right opportunity to share how you feel about their choices.
 
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