Need Advise

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cassiemorris

Banned
#1
Jun 24, 2012
85
1
0
#1
Hi All

I need some advise please I am very hurt at the moment because my friend who is 39 years had a twin sister who died at the age of 3 months old 39 years ago, my friend on this date every year gets very upset even though she never met her sister or remember her. Yes it is sad she died at an early age but it was many years ago.
Anyway yesterday she texting me and I said smile cheer up and she text back telling me to go away but in a swear word way with off at the end and I was only trying to cheer her up I am deeply hurt. I have not text her back scince yesterday when she told me this word. But as I said I was trying to cheer her up. And I don't know how to handle this situation should I wait for her to text me or do I text her and what should I say I have prayed to God asking for knowledge what to say but I haven't gotten it yet so I thought I ask on here unless God is telling me to ask you lot.
Please could you help me
God Bless
 
Last edited:
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#2
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#2
cassiemorris said:
Hi All

I need some advise please I am very hurt at the moment because my friend who is 39 years had a twin sister who died at the age of 3 months old 39 years ago, my friend on this date every year gets very upset even though she never met her sister or remember her. Yes it is sad she died at an early age but it was many years ago.
Anyway yesterday she texting me and I said smile cheer up and she text back telling me to go away but in a swear word way with off at the end and I was only trying to cheer her up I am deeply hurt. I have not text her back scince yesterday when she told me this word. But as I said I was trying to cheer her up. And I don't know how to handle this situation should I wait for her to text me or do I text her and what should I say I have prayed to God asking for knowledge what to say but I haven't gotten it yet so I thought I ask on here unless God is telling me to ask you lot.
Please could you help me
God Bless
Click to expand...

​I would wait for a day or two and text or call her and say that you did not mean to upset her. Those kinds of "anniversary days" usually upset people when the day comes around each year. I do think she needs to let go of her anger and sadness, however.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#3
#3
Sometimes we have to remember that just because we can't understand how someone feels doesn't give us the right to discredit it. Sounds like she felt your statement was hurtful, and in a way it was. Good intentions don't immediately erase the poor choice in words we sometimes make.
As said above, i'd give her a few days then contact her and see how she responds. Explain yourself if need be.
But i can tell you telling someone to 'cheer up' pretty much always has the opposite effect.
 
Joidevivre

Joidevivre

Senior Member
#4
Jul 15, 2014
3,838
271
83
#4
If she is only grieving one day a year about this, receive her thoughts to you. Be someone who will be there for her when she is "weeping". Just tell her that you were insensitive to her feelings and that you are sorry.

That is all you can do. If she is your friend, she will forgive you.

It seems like a long time for this to go on, but she obviously doesn't want her twin to not be remembered. This is her way.
 
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butterfly712

Guest
#5
#5
she is grieving,I would say to give her some time,it's hard to understand what someones going through,when you have never been through it.
 
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MisterHarmony

Senior Member
#6
Jan 31, 2014
129
2
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#6
If we can't change the course of misery, we can only be there to comfort.
Be the listener. (I don't think any more words are good at this time - it could aggravate the anger coming from hurt.) I would wait until she talks to you. She said something a little more hurtful/offensive than you. You didn't know and that is okay, don't beat yourself over it. You said something because you care. She said something because she was hurt.
She may try to make you feel she has the right to get angry at you because she is hurt. If that's the case, its a lie from the enemy. If not, she will apologize and you will be ready to forgive.
 
p_rehbein

p_rehbein

Senior Member
#7
Sep 4, 2013
30,200
6,546
113
#7
In all honesty, I don't think you said or did anything wrong.............having lost my Mother in February, and still dealing with that heartbreaking loss.......I can understand and appreciate the grieving process...........Everyone grieves in their own way, but your words should not have elicited or did they deserve such a response.

Maybe you should question the "friendship" of this person. True friends don't treat each other in such a way in my opinion.

I know there is suppose to be a "special bond" between twins, but 39 years is a long time to continue to grieve seems to me. At least to such a depth that one would speak in such a way to someone who is suppose to be their friend.

In my opinion, the problem is not yours, but hers............

(edited to say)

Honestly, her grief sounds more "selfish" than "selfless)
 
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