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ShineSmile

Guest
#1
#1
My 17 years of marriage seems not to be working. I feel frustrated with my husband. He always supports his mother even though she is abusive to me. She lives with us. Not even once has he supported me in all these years. I am expecting from him expect that he stand up for me when I need it most. My husband feels it is duty not to hurt his mother. But he does it at my cost every time. We have fought several times and made up also . But this time I am unable to take it any more. How much can i cry?
Dont know what to do ? I have stopped talking to my husband. that does not help either.

I dont open up to anyone. Even my friend thinks I am at wrong. Wont there anyone in this world who can understand my feeling?
 
Consumed

Consumed

Senior Member
#2
Jun 4, 2015
112
1
0
#2
ShineSmile said:
My 17 years of marriage seems not to be working. I feel frustrated with my husband. He always supports his mother even though she is abusive to me. She lives with us. Not even once has he supported me in all these years. I am expecting from him expect that he stand up for me when I need it most. My husband feels it is duty not to hurt his mother. But he does it at my cost every time. We have fought several times and made up also . But this time I am unable to take it any more. How much can i cry?
Dont know what to do ? I have stopped talking to my husband. that does not help either.

I dont open up to anyone. Even my friend thinks I am at wrong. Wont there anyone in this world who can understand my feeling?
Click to expand...
If the friend who knows you personally is telling you that you're the one that needs being fixed...I'm sure that person can give you better advice than a bunch of strangers who don't know you, and only know one single side of your situation.

You've been married 17 years and that's a lot. I find it extremely hard to believe that you've been dealing with this the whole time and now, all of a sudden, it's not ok. Maybe you need to look inward at yourself.
 
A

atwhatcost

Guest
#3
#3
ShineSmile said:
My 17 years of marriage seems not to be working. I feel frustrated with my husband. He always supports his mother even though she is abusive to me. She lives with us. Not even once has he supported me in all these years. I am expecting from him expect that he stand up for me when I need it most. My husband feels it is duty not to hurt his mother. But he does it at my cost every time. We have fought several times and made up also . But this time I am unable to take it any more. How much can i cry?
Dont know what to do ? I have stopped talking to my husband. that does not help either.

I dont open up to anyone. Even my friend thinks I am at wrong. Wont there anyone in this world who can understand my feeling?
Click to expand...
Is hubby a believer? Sounds like he might be, since he thinks this is how to respect his mother. If he is, can the two of you take this as a Bible Study? "How do we treat family?" It's going to take a while if he's game. Also, watch out, because there's also just as much likelihood you'll learn things about yourself that you need to change too. But God is the one to change us, so he'll work with all of you, if you give him room.
 
Jenizona

Jenizona

Senior Member
#4
Aug 8, 2015
629
28
0
#4
Hey there, ShineSmile. I've noticed over the years that there can be a lot of tension between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law. My own sisters-in-law seem to have issues with my mother (who I think is awesome, of course!), and I occasionally have issues with my own mother-in-law. This can be such a tough situation. Your husband is actually caught in the middle, because he has to keep his mother happy.

That is such a hard situation, because you have no peace in your own home. ULTIMATELY the best situation would be for his mother to find a new place to live. Why do you all live together, does she need help physically, or is it a financial situation that is keeping you all in such an unpleasant scenario? I imagine that it's stressful for all involved, and I'm so sorry you're dealing with that!

I would suggest, for now, that you find a way to get a mental break from the situation. Personally, I like going to movies by myself. I find that it's a nice break from stress at home, and it's just good to physically get out of the house from time to time. I really suggest finding a way to allow yourself some time to relieve some of the stress, because otherwise, you will just bring your anxiety into the situation whenever you have to deal with it.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#5
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#5
ShineSmile said:
My 17 years of marriage seems not to be working. I feel frustrated with my husband. He always supports his mother even though she is abusive to me. She lives with us. Not even once has he supported me in all these years. I am expecting from him expect that he stand up for me when I need it most. My husband feels it is duty not to hurt his mother. But he does it at my cost every time. We have fought several times and made up also . But this time I am unable to take it any more. How much can i cry?
Dont know what to do ? I have stopped talking to my husband. that does not help either.

I dont open up to anyone. Even my friend thinks I am at wrong. Wont there anyone in this world who can understand my feeling?
Click to expand...

Have you told him how this makes you feel? That it seems he is favoring his mom, but hurting you in order to not hurt HER? I think all 3 of you need to sit down and talk this out. Set ground rules for his mother. Tell her if she can't abide by them, then she needs to find somewhere else to go. It is not your and hubby's responsibility to take care of your MIL..
 
Dino246

Dino246

Senior Member
#6
Jun 30, 2015
24,750
13,402
113
#6
Hi ShineSmile,
Thanks for sharing; I'm sure it can't be easy to reach out. Know that there are people who will read your post and pray for your situation.

I'll do that, and offer a few thoughts:
Pray much, for yourself for wisdom and grace, and for the other two, that God would work in their hearts;
If your husband is a Christian, invite his interpretation of "leaving and cleaving" (Genesis 2:24);
Explain, as noted above, that his behaviour is hurting you.

Is it a cultural practice where you are to honour one's mother above one's wife? If so that may be a part of the problem. Culture, where not redeemed in Christ, is often anti-Christian in practice. Keep seeking the Lord in this situation, and ask for His grace to endure. Having experienced separation and pending divorce after 17 years of marriage, I know things can get really tough, but as long as you both choose to put Christ first, He can get you through the storm.

Blessings,
Dino
 
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