Need some advice and prayer

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tmchupp

Guest
#1
#1
Hello! I am new here and have been reading my bible and various christian websites about marriage. I have been married to my husband for 8 years and together 9. We have 2 children 6 and 2.

He left about a month ago and told me that he is tired of trying in our marriage and that since I refuse to change he is leaving. This is the third time he has left me. The first time he had an affair and wanted to be with the other woman. He came back and we did counseling and things were wonderful. Then last summer he told me he wanted a divorce because i was not there for him emotionally during his time away working in another state.

I admit to contributing problems to the marriage but he just bails on me when things get tough and doesn't bother telling me his concerns until he is ready to leave.

I have been devastated. My family is devastated and so is his. We have all been very close. This time I did find out he had reconnected with a high school friend and had been talking to her and once he moved out started hanging out with her. He claims she is not the reason for our break up and says I am blaming the wrong person (I am to blame I guess).

I have been in counseling to help me with my problems and have talked to our pastor and have started going to church and truly believe that with Christ anything is possible.

I love my husband more than anything and want nothing more that for him to come home and be a family again. He says he does not love me anymore but I don't believe that. He married me and his behavior through the past 2 months has been bizarre. Love is a choice and I believe if he would just go to counseling with me go back to church and talk to our pastor and get our marriage back in order we would make it.

I'm so sad and everyone is telling me to just divorce him and move on. I know I will never move on. I love this man and have forgiven him for everything. I am not perfect by any means but I am getting help. I always feel such a strong pull to fight for my family and fight for my husband. I hadn't felt it so strongly until today. I was about to give up but now I am rethinking it.

I have been praying so much and really just want my family back and this time for good and with continued help. Am I being stupid or should I trust myself and fight? We are barely talking to each other except for when he wants to see the kids or financial questions. My husband is a wonderful man but he has lost his way again.
 
S

Stephen

Guest
#2
#2
I am sorry to hear you are having difficulty in your marriage and your husband is at the moment saying he wants out. I will pray for you and your husband. Please focus on God's word and He will be faithful in giving you the strength you need at this time.

My wife is currently telling me she wants out of what I thought was a good marriage. So, I know the pain and the loneliness you can feel at times. But, like me you can use this time and experience to grow close to the Lord and experience the peace and love only He can provide. He will then talk with you and be with you through this. Your marriage may be restored when your husband sees the power of God in your life or he may not ever come back and decide to satisfy his flesh. You however must now live in the spirit and deny the flesh. Grow in the faith and knowledge of our Lord and Savior and live. God bless you.
 
6

66_40

Guest
#3
#3
i will keep you in my prayers, i know if you trust and seek Gods guidance you and your family will be just fine:)
 
R

REDMama

Guest
#4
#4
Humbly I say this, I have never been in a marriage where I would have to pray and make decisions that you are confronting, but I have had to pray and have my spirit and wise counsel tell me when it is time to give up and when it is time to keep fighting. For me, my strength and energy is different sometimes day to day, year to year, and before fighting a battle, decide

1. Do you have the ability and energy?
2. Is it going to kill you?
3. Do you have a way out, to flee, another option?

From what I read on here, you do not make me feel that you know it is time to give up, nor is God telling you that.

But, many women cause themselves mental illness, burnout, nervous breakdowns, and a destruction of their personality and life as an individual trying to please and fix a man, that wants to be fighting and destructive his entire life. I often wonder, what happened? Did their mother raise them wrong? I am not perfect by any means, with an absent father, and other problems in my childhood, but when we dwell on them, or let others opinions tell us we are not overcomers and strong, then we might just succomb to the hopeless situation and our lives will go downhill in the wrong direction.

As a teenager, and now as a young adult, I don't trust men, or guys, it is sad, and they are very angry at me, but they have not proved themselves to me to be trustworthy with my life. I have seen mostly abuse, and control, alcoholism. Not good. How can we ever be man and woman, male and female, man and wife, if none of use know what we are doing.

Anyway, if something bad happens like you wear out, sickness, uncontrollable emotions, you will know it is time to stop giving to him, and having faith.

Divorce is NEVER and I say NEVER good. So, do all you can, because not many of us like to see more suffering especially to those who have not done us any wrong. Do all you are able and equipped to do, until you can do no more. And trust your instincts. You have alot more that some of us, who have not been loved or married.

If as adults we don't make decisions and stick by them, there happens to be more consequences. But this is your one and only life, so I understand you don't want it to be miserable to the end. Neither do I.

Let me think, if I had a husband who dearly loved me, or made me feel that way, and I trusted him with my heart and supporting his purpose in life, and my own purpose, I would be crushed to the core of everything God made me if he went with another woman, unless I had been prepared in my mind and understanding to know that him going to another woman had to happen, there was no other option in life. Because at that point, when there is nothing left, you will know what to do, or choose something to do. Make sense?

And in your defense, men have a big job, their part, your husband's part was supposed to be, to give you everlasting love, to love you all the days of your life, and to not harm, maim, or kill you, but he is human.

Take Care of Yourself, it's the number one priority when no one is taking care of you.
 
B

ByGrace

Guest
#5
#5
Just registered here, just seeing this thread. I would like to know the outcome of this thread, as it could be immensely useful to me. Thanks.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#6
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#6
ByGrace said:
Just registered here, just seeing this thread. I would like to know the outcome of this thread, as it could be immensely useful to me. Thanks.
Click to expand...

There is a prayer request forum, if you need prayer. :) Also what advice are you looking for? Your post is rather vague.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#7
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#7
ByGrace said:
Just registered here, just seeing this thread. I would like to know the outcome of this thread, as it could be immensely useful to me. Thanks.
Click to expand...

This is a four year old thread and the OP is no longer even a member here. :/
 
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