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Dadfeelingguilty

Guest
#1
#1
Hi,
I'm troubled by my discovery that I have an 18 year old daughter, but my wife is afraid it will affect our young kids, both under 7. I carry around a terrible burden, and want to meet this child, but my wife does not. I know from the girl's mom that she wants to meet her dad. The girl's mom is not telling her anything about me or my family, she's basicly leaving it up to me. She never tried to contact me since she was born, until recently. Talk about shocker. I'm a great dad to my 2 kids, and I don't want this other girl to think her dad is some sort of deadbeat. Thanks for any advice.
 
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wwjd_kilden

Guest
#2
#2
If you both want to meet each other then I think you should. Just be aware that there isn't likely to be a "magic" moment fxing all things.

I can share my experience if it is any help:

My father left when I was very young, and I have only seen him twice since. I do not expect him to be my father, but I do appriciate that I am allowed to be in touch with him if I wish. My stepfather (whom I count as my real dad) knows I love him, and he has no problem with me talking to my bilogical father. That being said, because I never had a relationship with him, I don't have a close bond with him, he is to me just like any other person I happen to know.
 
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Dadfeelingguilty

Guest
#3
#3
Does your biological father also have kids of his own with a different family?
 
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wwjd_kilden

Guest
#4
#4
yes, he does.
 
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Dadfeelingguilty

Guest
#5
#5
Did his wife have any problems with him meeting you? Do you remember your dad from when you were a little girl? I think your situation is a little different, in that your dad left at an early age. In my situation, I never knew about this child. Her mom moved off to a new city and never said anything. I wish my wife was more open to the idea, but she's worried it would have an adverse affect on my other two kids, finding out they have an 18 year old half-sister.
 
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wwjd_kilden

Guest
#6
#6
His wife was, to my knowledge, not a very kind person, she was controlling of both him and the children.
 
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Dadfeelingguilty

Guest
#7
#7
Ok, kind of sounds like my situation. If he's like me, he's thinking about you all the time.
 
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wwjd_kilden

Guest
#8
#8
Will be praying
 
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OFM

Guest
#9
#9
CONTACT HER YOU BOTH HAVE ALL THE RIGHT TO KNOW EACH OTHER THEN TELL YOUR WIFE AFTERWARDS.
 
Devoted2JC

Devoted2JC

Senior Member
#10
Jan 16, 2011
4,260
77
48
#10
Dadfeelingguilty Hello welcome to Christian Chat
God Bless U
 
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Dadfeelingguilty

Guest
#11
#11
@OFM I'd like to if I didn't think we'd end up in DC, ha ha...maybe we both need to see a shrink and have the shrink convince her it's the right thing to do. Maybe tell my kids when they are teenagers???
 
Snackersmom

Snackersmom

Senior Member
#12
May 10, 2011
1,485
144
63
#12
Hello Sir, sorry to hear about your situation, it sounds difficult, to say the least.

As the husband, you are the head of the household, the Bible says so. If you have submitted the matter to the Lord, and you feel as if He wants you to meet the young lady, then you should seek to please God, not your wife (pleasing your wife isn't wrong, of course, but God comes first).

This young lady is just as much your child as the two younger ones are, and I can imagine that she could use some fatherly advice and support at this time in her life (it's not easy to be a teenage girl nowadays :(). Hopefully you will also get a chance to share Jesus with her, there's no more important job than that! ;)

Perhaps your two younger kiddos are a bit young to know yet, or perhaps they aren't. If your wife is REALLY concerned about that (it could just be an excuse), then you could wait to let the little ones know, I don't think that's particularly wrong.

Regardless, you should submit the matter to the Lord, and ask Him what He wants you to do. When you get an answer, tell your wife what it is, and go with it. If she is a Godly woman, she will respect your leadership. It would also be a good idea to ask Jesus to fill you with The Holy Spirit, it will be MUCH easier for you to get heavenly direction if you do! :) I hope this helps, I'll pray for you and your family. Love, -Nichole

P.S. Welcome to the site, glad you found your way here :)
 
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Dadfeelingguilty

Guest
#13
#13
Thanks Nichole, there are not too many women who feel as you do (as far as the whole head of the household thing). There is a give and take between us, which is why it has worked so far for about 15 years. Thanks for the advice. I think I should talk to my pastor about this, although I am not as religious as I should be, but I think he can be confidential.
 
Snackersmom

Snackersmom

Senior Member
#14
May 10, 2011
1,485
144
63
#14
You're welcome :)

The whole wifely submission thing never bothered me too much, because I'm already used to seeking and submitting to God's will (as we all should be), so it wouldn't be too big of a step to defer to a man that I knew God had placed in my life to be my husband, although I sincerely hope that if I ever get married, my husband would listen to my concerns and take them seriously. But in the end, God has placed the husband as the head of the household, and wives need to respect that role, provided that the husband isn't asking them to break a commandment or go against scripture.

There's nothing wrong with talking to your pastor, but nothing compares with going directly to Jesus for answers! Perhaps God will use this situation to draw you to a closer walk with Him. His ways are perfect.....;)

Also....don't forget to ask The Lord to fill you with The Holy Spirit, it makes a big difference! :) Love, Nichole
 
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NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#15
#15
My dad left my mom not knowing she was pregnant. She didn't tell him about me until i was older. My mom remarried and i have a step dad. He was pretty much a jerk and paid little to no attention to me. Growing up i always wanted to know who my dad was or if i even had one. My mom didn't want me to though because my dad had two children with someone else and she wanted to save me from any hurt he would cause me.

My dad's wife just like yours she didnt want him to meet me, He did it anyway though.

My dad really has nothing to do with me now. Him and his wife got a divorce (nothing to do with me or him meeting me) but He has a girlfriend now that is the same as his previous wife, she wants him to have nothing to do with me. He has chosen to listen to her.
He bought me a car once as a .. i feel really guilty that i was never there even after i found out about you. I think he also bought it to relieve his conscience because he knew he would never talk to me again after that.

The fact is I am his child, and he is my dad. No matter if he found out about me when i was 15 or 50. No matter if he had a family or children with someone else. I am his daughter.The real sorry part is None of this was my fault, but i was the one who suffered because of it.

I say all of that to get to this, She is your daughter. She is just as much your child as those two you have right now with your wife. Your wife is so wrong for not wanting you to see her.
I will tell you this, Your daughter wants to see you, and if you refuse to see her, she's going to carry around that rejection for the rest of her life.

I'm 29 years old and i still want a father as bad as i did when i was 8. Knowing my dad knows about me and takes care of his other two children, but will have nothing to do with me..... sometimes its more than i know what to do with.

Your daughter will find out about your family one way or another.
 
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Dadfeelingguilty

Guest
#16
#16
Thank you Holly, your story is a sad one and really tugs at the heartstrings. She did have a step dad once but I don't think that is the case any longer. I think that someday her mom will tell her where to find me and she will be on my front doorstep. Sometimes I wish that would happen, taking it out of my hands. She lives a few states away.
 
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