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Hello Everyone, Not sure exactly what to say here. maybe my testimony would be fitting.
I was saved in the basement of a freinds house in 1996 after much seeking the Lord. I gave up on religion and churches and was going to the bars regularly. I finally decided to seek the Lord until he spoke to me. I came to believe that he spoke to those in the bible and that there was no reason he could not speak to me.
He finally did one night and told me I was going to hell. I always thought myself a good person. The spirit in the room was so strong that I was scared to death. I prayed and prayed until I finally gave up. My last words were "if you don't save me then I will go to hell!" Finally just what God was looking for. I finally stopped trying to be good enough and make deals with God. It was the strangest night I ever had.
i woke up the next morning in a really good mood. The grass was greener, the sun was brighter. Something in me had changes and I went to work singing. It took me a while to realize what salvation actually was. I had already been led thru a prayer and baptised. I realized that we do not accept God, God excepts us. i was a little angry that I had been miss led for many years, but very happy I had what I had wanted for sometime.
God continued to speak to me. He would tell me to give my testimony to people. I would be scared but he would say not to worry about what I was going to say, He would give me the words I needed. I got my call to preach a few years later in the back seat of another friends car during a youth revival service in Missouri. I had found a church that God and the Holy Spirit confirmed. i did not always agree with them, but it was a really good starting point.
Now to add the difficulty that was sure to come. I told the church that I use to be gay and was really struggeling with it. This was the long end of my ministry. From that point on I was always accused and finally gave up during a mission in Alaska. I met my boyfriend of 8 years. We broke up and I came back home to figure things out. I have been in Indiana for 2 years and feel more lost than ever. My drinking was out of control but the Lord never left and every time I break down I can feel him comforting me.
So to end this story, I am here seeking spiritual companionship and a hope that God could possibly use some one to help me. I know my soul is pretty beat up and spent a lot of time drinking to get his voice to go away. Now I would love to hear his dirrection I should have listened to the first time. I should have forgiven and let it all role off my back. I just got filled with resentment and anger until I used it as an excuse to jump ship. This is none of Gods fault but mine. Just not sure where to go from here. I guess I will leave this for the daggers to come.....
I was saved in the basement of a freinds house in 1996 after much seeking the Lord. I gave up on religion and churches and was going to the bars regularly. I finally decided to seek the Lord until he spoke to me. I came to believe that he spoke to those in the bible and that there was no reason he could not speak to me.
He finally did one night and told me I was going to hell. I always thought myself a good person. The spirit in the room was so strong that I was scared to death. I prayed and prayed until I finally gave up. My last words were "if you don't save me then I will go to hell!" Finally just what God was looking for. I finally stopped trying to be good enough and make deals with God. It was the strangest night I ever had.
i woke up the next morning in a really good mood. The grass was greener, the sun was brighter. Something in me had changes and I went to work singing. It took me a while to realize what salvation actually was. I had already been led thru a prayer and baptised. I realized that we do not accept God, God excepts us. i was a little angry that I had been miss led for many years, but very happy I had what I had wanted for sometime.
God continued to speak to me. He would tell me to give my testimony to people. I would be scared but he would say not to worry about what I was going to say, He would give me the words I needed. I got my call to preach a few years later in the back seat of another friends car during a youth revival service in Missouri. I had found a church that God and the Holy Spirit confirmed. i did not always agree with them, but it was a really good starting point.
Now to add the difficulty that was sure to come. I told the church that I use to be gay and was really struggeling with it. This was the long end of my ministry. From that point on I was always accused and finally gave up during a mission in Alaska. I met my boyfriend of 8 years. We broke up and I came back home to figure things out. I have been in Indiana for 2 years and feel more lost than ever. My drinking was out of control but the Lord never left and every time I break down I can feel him comforting me.
So to end this story, I am here seeking spiritual companionship and a hope that God could possibly use some one to help me. I know my soul is pretty beat up and spent a lot of time drinking to get his voice to go away. Now I would love to hear his dirrection I should have listened to the first time. I should have forgiven and let it all role off my back. I just got filled with resentment and anger until I used it as an excuse to jump ship. This is none of Gods fault but mine. Just not sure where to go from here. I guess I will leave this for the daggers to come.....
. Welcome to the site. I don't know if I'm the right person to help you, but I'll certainly pray that God leads you to the right one. I can tell you to give it all to Jesus, and let HIM help you, because I know He will. 