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F
Elfeda, so you don't understand, then let me enlighten you. I used to be married, so I'm used to being sexually active. I am now in transition. Maybe you will get it maybe you won't . Oncefallen we're all worldly. We're all subjected to the trials of this world. I asked, was the emotion a normal reation. I'm not placing blame on anything. Maybe once you are finished judging me you can help me with my problem. Love, always Flight316
E
I don't mean to be argumentative but you didn't mention anything about an emotional response to a lack of sex. You said that you believe that not getting any in two years had made you "mean" and that your female friends agreed.
It's my opinion that you're trying to start some sort of sexually orientated conversation and please allow me to logically justify why I'm of that opinion.
The word "mean" to me suggests selflishness and unkindness. It's a type of behaviour rather than an emotion. I don't see why not having sex would make someone selfish and unkind. If that's the case then perhaps that was your basic personality to begin with and whilst you were married, you had to be nice to your wife so she would perform her wifely duties. Now that you're no longer married, you can fall back into your original characteristics of only needing to please yourself and not considering others. Perhaps it has simply taken your friends and yourself two years to notice the gradual change in your behaviour.
But I must ask, why exactly do you need to discuss your lack of sex online? You obviously discuss it with your female friends and to me this suggests some sort of fixation on the subject. Perhaps I'm delusional but maybe your friends are trying to covertly offer you some action. What do your male friends think about your "meanness" or don't you have any? In my experience and I admit that I'm 20 years behind you, women don't tell men that they're mean because they haven't had sex in a while unless the next sentence is a jokey offering of sex. To be honest it's been my experience that men are the one's who use lack of sex as an excuse for all their bad behaviour.
Maybe if you didn't think about it quite so much it wouldn't be so bothersome for you.
It's my opinion that you're trying to start some sort of sexually orientated conversation and please allow me to logically justify why I'm of that opinion.
The word "mean" to me suggests selflishness and unkindness. It's a type of behaviour rather than an emotion. I don't see why not having sex would make someone selfish and unkind. If that's the case then perhaps that was your basic personality to begin with and whilst you were married, you had to be nice to your wife so she would perform her wifely duties. Now that you're no longer married, you can fall back into your original characteristics of only needing to please yourself and not considering others. Perhaps it has simply taken your friends and yourself two years to notice the gradual change in your behaviour.
But I must ask, why exactly do you need to discuss your lack of sex online? You obviously discuss it with your female friends and to me this suggests some sort of fixation on the subject. Perhaps I'm delusional but maybe your friends are trying to covertly offer you some action. What do your male friends think about your "meanness" or don't you have any? In my experience and I admit that I'm 20 years behind you, women don't tell men that they're mean because they haven't had sex in a while unless the next sentence is a jokey offering of sex. To be honest it's been my experience that men are the one's who use lack of sex as an excuse for all their bad behaviour.
Maybe if you didn't think about it quite so much it wouldn't be so bothersome for you.
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J
I don't think celibacy is making you mean. I think the pain and anger you feel about your situation has left you frustrated and stressed out. Sex is the easiest answer for most people and your female friends may have greater designs on you than you realize. I'm thinking that discussing this with godly men who've been there might be a better route.
When you've been married for an extended period of time, become accustomed to that sort of intimacy and wake up one day to find it gone, it's like part of you is missing. Because it is.
What can you do about it? Put your focus elsewhere. Find other things to occupy your thoughtlife and other outlets for your stress relief. Exercise your mind, your body and your spirit.
Hope this helps. God bless.
When you've been married for an extended period of time, become accustomed to that sort of intimacy and wake up one day to find it gone, it's like part of you is missing. Because it is.
What can you do about it? Put your focus elsewhere. Find other things to occupy your thoughtlife and other outlets for your stress relief. Exercise your mind, your body and your spirit.
Hope this helps. God bless.
B
Wow! I think you all are being cruel. If someone wants to vent about sex or celibacy, shouldn't this be the safest place? Where are all the other men to help out flight316.
Look, Flight, first, I commend you on your celibacy. I understand if you are grouchy. I despise the fact that the world thinks that getting laid is the answer to everything. Every popular movie or TV show seems to recommend random one night stands to ease all pains. But clearly, it is a lie from the enemy. Please don't fall into that trap. It is a struggle.
I agree that finding a strong Christian male role model to help you through this is a great option. In the mean time, take it straight to God. I've said it before and I will say it again, our bodies were created to procreate...Be fruitful and multiply. It is natural and normal to have urges. Self control is something we receive from the Holy Spirit. God created rules to protect us from getting hurt. Perhaps God will bring the right person into your life. I know it stinks to think that maybe that will not happen, but it is an option too. Try to glean what God's will is for your life, and focus on allowing God to use you in His work.
I do agree that you should refrain from speaking of sex with your female friends. That is just temptation waiting to happen. If you are truly "mean" then perhaps you have not allowed forgiveness into your life. It is hard to forgive especially when you never dreamed that your life would go in this direction. But forgiveness will give you the freedom that you desperately need. It's been 2 years.
Make a list of everyone you need to forgive and everyone that you need to ask for forgiveness. Pray daily over the list. Over time, you will be able to scratch each name off. When your paper is empty, you will feel much better.
I hope this helps,
Blooming_Violet
Look, Flight, first, I commend you on your celibacy. I understand if you are grouchy. I despise the fact that the world thinks that getting laid is the answer to everything. Every popular movie or TV show seems to recommend random one night stands to ease all pains. But clearly, it is a lie from the enemy. Please don't fall into that trap. It is a struggle.
I agree that finding a strong Christian male role model to help you through this is a great option. In the mean time, take it straight to God. I've said it before and I will say it again, our bodies were created to procreate...Be fruitful and multiply. It is natural and normal to have urges. Self control is something we receive from the Holy Spirit. God created rules to protect us from getting hurt. Perhaps God will bring the right person into your life. I know it stinks to think that maybe that will not happen, but it is an option too. Try to glean what God's will is for your life, and focus on allowing God to use you in His work.
I do agree that you should refrain from speaking of sex with your female friends. That is just temptation waiting to happen. If you are truly "mean" then perhaps you have not allowed forgiveness into your life. It is hard to forgive especially when you never dreamed that your life would go in this direction. But forgiveness will give you the freedom that you desperately need. It's been 2 years.
Make a list of everyone you need to forgive and everyone that you need to ask for forgiveness. Pray daily over the list. Over time, you will be able to scratch each name off. When your paper is empty, you will feel much better.
I hope this helps,
Blooming_Violet
F
I thank all of you for your thoughts. Each one of you has made some valid points. I do admit I can be a little defensive and sensitive sometimes. So I thank you for giving me some insight on some things. You all gave me what I had hoped you would, your view. Bluming_Violet, thank you for your compassion. I needed that. Jullianna I think that you explained my situation much better than I did. Pain and anger, frustration and stress clearly describe what I really feel. Love To All, Flight 3:16
Flight316,
Two types of guys would ask this question:
1) Someone who wants to live a godly life
2) Someone who wants an OK to have sex
I believe that you want to live a godly life. Sorry about your breakup, and I pray that God may see you through all your struggles.
Also, I trust that you have done everything to salvage your marriage, because God is serious about marriage relationships. (It's sad how people pick up and drop partners these days.)
I appreciate your openness and your willing to stay celibate so far.
I'm not surprised that some women on this thread felt that your words are strange. I don't blame them as they are designed differently (and wonderfully).
Being a guy, I know what you're going through. Guys are turned on by sight and there is much temptation at every turn, which can lead to a desire for sex.
Now that you are single again, you are prone to the greatest temptations in this area.
However, a godly man is disciplined with his eyes.
Job 31:1
1"I made a covenant with my eyes1 not to look lustfully at a girl.(NIV)
Our eyes, ears and tongues are gateways to our hearts.
The condition of our hearts is determined by what we allow to enter through our eyes and ears, and what we allow to leave through our tongues.
The Bible instructs us to guard our hearts.
Proverbs 4
23Above all else, guard31 your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.32
24Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips.
25Let your eyes33 look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you.
26Make level paths for your feet34 and take only ways that are firm.
27Do not swerve to the right or the left;35 keep your foot from evil.
Meanness is a manifestation of Pride. Pride is a sin because it defiles us. It hurts us more than we hurt others.
Mark 7
21For from within, out of men's hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery,
22greed,16 malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly.
23All these evils come from inside and make a man 'unclean.' "
Sin comes from within our hearts and is our choice. Our sinful acts are due to OUR moral decline.
Therefore we cannot blame our situations or circumstances.
We must own up.
Therefore meanness does not result from lack of sex. It is something that you choose to do.
It's time to hang out with Christian men, and share your temptations with them.
I do not know if your lifestyle is contributing to your sexual frustration. The media (tv, movies, celebrities, magazines, internet, etc) influences our lifestyles these days. They are obviously into showbiz and bank on sex to attract attention. The media makes a person feel self-centered, and incomplete without a sexual partner, and we often buy their lies.
Sex is a means to an end. Sex is not our purpose in life.
Agreed that we are sexual beings, but more than that we are designed to love others- the way Christ loved us.
Prayers and God Bless!
Two types of guys would ask this question:
1) Someone who wants to live a godly life
2) Someone who wants an OK to have sex
I believe that you want to live a godly life. Sorry about your breakup, and I pray that God may see you through all your struggles.
Also, I trust that you have done everything to salvage your marriage, because God is serious about marriage relationships. (It's sad how people pick up and drop partners these days.)
I appreciate your openness and your willing to stay celibate so far.
I'm not surprised that some women on this thread felt that your words are strange. I don't blame them as they are designed differently (and wonderfully).
Being a guy, I know what you're going through. Guys are turned on by sight and there is much temptation at every turn, which can lead to a desire for sex.
Now that you are single again, you are prone to the greatest temptations in this area.
However, a godly man is disciplined with his eyes.
Job 31:1
1"I made a covenant with my eyes1 not to look lustfully at a girl.(NIV)
Our eyes, ears and tongues are gateways to our hearts.
The condition of our hearts is determined by what we allow to enter through our eyes and ears, and what we allow to leave through our tongues.
The Bible instructs us to guard our hearts.
Proverbs 4
23Above all else, guard31 your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.32
24Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips.
25Let your eyes33 look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you.
26Make level paths for your feet34 and take only ways that are firm.
27Do not swerve to the right or the left;35 keep your foot from evil.
Meanness is a manifestation of Pride. Pride is a sin because it defiles us. It hurts us more than we hurt others.
Mark 7
21For from within, out of men's hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery,
22greed,16 malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly.
23All these evils come from inside and make a man 'unclean.' "
Sin comes from within our hearts and is our choice. Our sinful acts are due to OUR moral decline.
Therefore we cannot blame our situations or circumstances.
We must own up.
Therefore meanness does not result from lack of sex. It is something that you choose to do.
It's time to hang out with Christian men, and share your temptations with them.
I do not know if your lifestyle is contributing to your sexual frustration. The media (tv, movies, celebrities, magazines, internet, etc) influences our lifestyles these days. They are obviously into showbiz and bank on sex to attract attention. The media makes a person feel self-centered, and incomplete without a sexual partner, and we often buy their lies.
Sex is a means to an end. Sex is not our purpose in life.
Agreed that we are sexual beings, but more than that we are designed to love others- the way Christ loved us.
Prayers and God Bless!