M
Hello,
I need some help on which way to go in my life. I have been married for 6 years, we have two kids, 7 & 5. Things started out okay but have gotten progressively worse, especially these past few months. We've always had some issues, for instance he feels that it is the woman's job to do everything home-related (even though we both work full time) and he's never been much help with the children....these things I could live with.
In June of this year, he decided to quit the steady job that he has had since we married to try a new career. When I told him that I didn't think it was a wise move, I was told to blow it out my a&&, he was taking the new job. Ever since then, I feel like God is no longer in our marriage (I've felt him with me, just not in the home). He was fired from the new job within 2 weeks. Thank God he was able to collect unemployment, BUT once he found that out, he lost all desire to find anything else. For 4 months, he sat on the couch eating and sleeping all day. He's has probably gained at least 100 pounds and he was not a small man to begin with, he's developed sleep apnea and sleeps so restlessly and loudly that I can't sleep in the same room with him. When I do go into the living room, he gets upset. Then in October he (or should I say I, since I'm the one who is constantly looking for jobs for him), found another job. He was doing well, but still had the anger that had developed during the unemployment stint. He was fired from this job the week before Christmas. He is back to sitting on the couch, yelling at the kids to bring him what he wants instead of getting up to get it himself. We just got the letter from unemployment stating that he has about 4 weeks left until it is exhausted. I don't know what we're going to do financially. Everything is at least 1 month late, some bills as much as 4 to 5 months late.
The negativity and the anger are dragging me down and I don't know what to do anymore. I've asked him to help around the house since he's not working and his response is that he doesn't need to kiss my a&&. If I'm nice to the animals or the kids, I'm sucking up to them. If I read the bible, I'm getting too "religious" on him. He gets angry and accuses me of having another man if I don't want to have sex with him, but if he would shower more than once a week I probably would. Of course when I mention getting a shower, he shuts down and starts up with the hurtful comments. Telling my kids that they aren't going to have a dad because I don't love him anymore. Telling my kids that Mommy is going to hell because she isn't a "real" Christian. He hasn't been inside a church in at least 8 months, but points out how wrong it is when I don't go. I could write forever on all the things that are going on and things that have been said. I've tried to be supportive and thought if he's not working then I can keep my son home from daycare and save on that expense. The kids were home with him on New Year's Eve Day. He tried to get everyone to take a nap, they didn't and he did. I guess they were too loud for him...he came out to the living room, spanked our son then threw him in the chair. My son then peed his pants and when he told his Dad, our son was called an f'ing, SOB liar. The point of this is, I will never leave my children alone with him anymore. Of course, that is making him more upset because I will have to start working on Saturdays soon and he doesn't want anyone to know why I won't let them with him.
He also can't get over the fact that I will help my children if they have difficulty wiping after they go to the bathroom, but I won't help him (he's so big that apparently he has issues in that area). He says for better for worse, I say it's not because he's sick but because he sits around all the time and is doing nothing to help himself.
I have nowhere to turn, his mother does nothing but make excuses for him. Of course he lies to her constantly, no one but me (and my family) know that he doesn't have a job. He tells everyone else that they just aren't busy. I cant keep living like this, but I know that God hates divorce and I can't afford to go anywhere. He won't leave (even though this was my house before we were married.
I need some help on which way to go in my life. I have been married for 6 years, we have two kids, 7 & 5. Things started out okay but have gotten progressively worse, especially these past few months. We've always had some issues, for instance he feels that it is the woman's job to do everything home-related (even though we both work full time) and he's never been much help with the children....these things I could live with.
In June of this year, he decided to quit the steady job that he has had since we married to try a new career. When I told him that I didn't think it was a wise move, I was told to blow it out my a&&, he was taking the new job. Ever since then, I feel like God is no longer in our marriage (I've felt him with me, just not in the home). He was fired from the new job within 2 weeks. Thank God he was able to collect unemployment, BUT once he found that out, he lost all desire to find anything else. For 4 months, he sat on the couch eating and sleeping all day. He's has probably gained at least 100 pounds and he was not a small man to begin with, he's developed sleep apnea and sleeps so restlessly and loudly that I can't sleep in the same room with him. When I do go into the living room, he gets upset. Then in October he (or should I say I, since I'm the one who is constantly looking for jobs for him), found another job. He was doing well, but still had the anger that had developed during the unemployment stint. He was fired from this job the week before Christmas. He is back to sitting on the couch, yelling at the kids to bring him what he wants instead of getting up to get it himself. We just got the letter from unemployment stating that he has about 4 weeks left until it is exhausted. I don't know what we're going to do financially. Everything is at least 1 month late, some bills as much as 4 to 5 months late.
The negativity and the anger are dragging me down and I don't know what to do anymore. I've asked him to help around the house since he's not working and his response is that he doesn't need to kiss my a&&. If I'm nice to the animals or the kids, I'm sucking up to them. If I read the bible, I'm getting too "religious" on him. He gets angry and accuses me of having another man if I don't want to have sex with him, but if he would shower more than once a week I probably would. Of course when I mention getting a shower, he shuts down and starts up with the hurtful comments. Telling my kids that they aren't going to have a dad because I don't love him anymore. Telling my kids that Mommy is going to hell because she isn't a "real" Christian. He hasn't been inside a church in at least 8 months, but points out how wrong it is when I don't go. I could write forever on all the things that are going on and things that have been said. I've tried to be supportive and thought if he's not working then I can keep my son home from daycare and save on that expense. The kids were home with him on New Year's Eve Day. He tried to get everyone to take a nap, they didn't and he did. I guess they were too loud for him...he came out to the living room, spanked our son then threw him in the chair. My son then peed his pants and when he told his Dad, our son was called an f'ing, SOB liar. The point of this is, I will never leave my children alone with him anymore. Of course, that is making him more upset because I will have to start working on Saturdays soon and he doesn't want anyone to know why I won't let them with him.
He also can't get over the fact that I will help my children if they have difficulty wiping after they go to the bathroom, but I won't help him (he's so big that apparently he has issues in that area). He says for better for worse, I say it's not because he's sick but because he sits around all the time and is doing nothing to help himself.
I have nowhere to turn, his mother does nothing but make excuses for him. Of course he lies to her constantly, no one but me (and my family) know that he doesn't have a job. He tells everyone else that they just aren't busy. I cant keep living like this, but I know that God hates divorce and I can't afford to go anywhere. He won't leave (even though this was my house before we were married.
Please understand, that I do not know anything, so many of it might be totally wrong,
