PARENTHOOD

[ekundayo]

As a child I had a playmate who was four years younger than myself and also a family friend. Even as an infant, she was always rude, loud and selfish. I always reported her little pranks to my mom and after a while I refused to play with her. Then my mom told me her mom (who was best friends with mine) felt I hated her daughter so I should try my best to tolerate her. I was only nine but i remember I made the choice never to take anything she did to heart anymore cos her mom was always nice to me. At thirteen, I left Nigeria for Ghana and attended boarding schools away from home with scarce visits from only three members of my family of seven. long story short, I finished school and extended my stay in Ghana to work. I had a baby boy at nineteen and came home to stay till I resume University when my baby turns one as I Am a single mom. I saw my playmate again. Now seventeen and she is MESSED UP. She also attended a boarding school not too far from home for only three years but she's now bisexual (only I know this. both our parents will have heart attacks if I spill), she screams obscenities at her parents at the slightest provocation, she breaks all the rules. in fact, she's out of control. Her parents brought her over to my house once so all the adults could advice her. I could read a lot in the expression of the other adults apart from her parents. there were many emotions as a result of her behaviour but never surprise. After her parents left, the others got talking and just as I thought, they all expected this. maybe not as bad but they knew she was headed toward trouble right from the start with her attitude and her parents indulgence during her younger days. This whole situation just scares me because I can hardly believe the innocent little girl with attitude problems is the same as this person who calls her parents names and beats her orphaned cousins claiming they "irritate" her. What goes wrong along the line?? How do innocent infants morph into this??

 

[Ugly]

Typically one of two things happen. First could be that bad behavior was not punished, or at least not often enough. And that her mother came to her daughter's aid as a young child, despite her poor behavior suggests that may be possible.

The other possibility is mental illness.

It's not really shocking to see such things. We are all born innocent bit grow up to be sinners. Some are violent, some love alcohol, gambling, engage in sexual activities before marriage. A whole list of sins are possible that takes away our innocence and we are All guilty of at least one, usually more.
I don't mean this as a criticism against you, but to make a point. Some could say about you 'she was so innocent and here she is you, unmarried and has a baby'. We are born with sinful inclinations. None of us are innocent.

 

[Fenner]

I was Thinking the same things that Ugly was. It really sounds to me like this young woman has always had control issues and it was never dealt with. I really think she needs professional help.

 

[Depleted]

I'm curious how everyone keeps assuming babies are innocent. When was the last time a parent had to teach their child not to share so much, how to want something, or how to get some attention?

Gen 6:5 The Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.

Actually, I am grateful God doesn't give us fully into sin. He holds us back from being as bad as we could be.

You speak of your childhood friend, as if you were the good one and she were the bad one. How was your heart better than hers? The only difference comes -- if it comes -- is through Christ regenerating us. Even then, we often consider reverting back to who we were.

The natural state of Man's heart -- "every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually."

Doesn't that make us grateful that God curbs even that for most people?

 

[blue_ladybug]

Her friends' parents indulged her behavior. That explains alot right there..

 

[Depleted]

Her friends' parents indulged her behavior. That explains alot right there..

Really? Look at the outcome.

My aunt and uncle spoiled their kids rotten. Three kids. Two have taken over the family business and built it up even further than their dad even imaged. And, while doing that, one had to spend her "spare time" tutoring her three sons (and husband, when he was willing), because dyslexia runs deep in my family. All three sons and her husband had/has it. (Husband died.) The other one raised four daughters. (I don't know who was braver. lol)

Oldest son was the failure. He simply keeps thinking everyone owes him, despite his parents selling the mansion, the boat, and Mercedes without giving it to him (he assumed they would lol), and now that his parents were in a nursing home for decades with his mother having Alzheimer until she died, there isn't but so much money left to have. He lost his marriage, his kids, and even his family (hard to hang around someone always looking for a free handout.) He's still waiting cooped up in a tiny apartment.

Same parents. All three spoiled rotten, and yet... it ain't the way we're raised. It was how we were born -- with sin nature.

 

[Bee4Shine]

It is interesting that as children, you were told to accept her behavior, she was never told that her behavior needed to change to have friends. She was indulged and now she is an entitled young adult who is reaping the consequences of being raised without rules. Counseling would help, if indeed she is willing to go and to appropriate advice that is given to her.

 

[ekundayo]

I do not and have never thought of myself as a good person. And I was not trying to portray myself as a saint. I had a child at nineteen and am still not married. I've also had my issues and I do not hide my sins. your comment about babies not being innocent is something I agree with and am glad you shared cos I've never seen it that way. the scriptures does say "in sin did my mother conceive me". then again not every one turns out to be a Jeffrey Dhamer. or Adolph Hitler. Or Ted Bundy. I don't know if you've heard of them but these people crossed a line. This friend of mine has siblings. they're not saints but they're nothing like her. she beats her orphaned cousins aged seven and five like thieves cos they "irritate " her. This is something I never thought my friend would do. And yes we all are sinners but the first step to salvation is accepting you're a sinner but this girl sees nothing wrong with her actions. she has an explanation for everything. but they rarely make sense. This post was just me narrating events from

 

[ekundayo]

I do not and have never thought of myself as a good person. And I was not trying to portray myself as a saint. I had a child at nineteen and am still not married. I've also had my issues and I do not hide my sins. your comment about babies not being innocent is something I agree with and am glad you shared cos I've never seen it that way. the scriptures does say "in sin did my mother conceive me". then again not every one turns out to be a Jeffrey Dhamer. or Adolph Hitler. Or Ted Bundy. I don't know if you've heard of them but these people crossed a line. This friend of mine has siblings. they're not saints but they're nothing like her. she beats her orphaned cousins aged seven and five like thieves cos they "irritate " her. This is something I never thought my friend would do. And yes we all are sinners but the first step to salvation is accepting you're a sinner but this girl sees nothing wrong with her actions. she has an explanation for everything. but they rarely make sense. This post was just me narrating events from my point of view. making her look bad or making myself look good was never the point. if it seemed so then I apologise. I just feel gossiping and murder are both sins. But you go to prison for only one of them. This is not to say that my sins are smaller than hers. it's not about me and her. I have a baby. This is just a worried parent wondering what triggers people to cross the line and act insanely cruel. thanks for the reply. blessings.

 

[blue_ladybug]

See something, say something. She beats her under-age cousins. Report her to the authorities, that's a crime to beat children. It's child abuse, and by not doing anything to stop her, you're enabling it to happen. Getting arrested and facing consequences will probably be good for her, and definitely for those kids. If she has to account for her behavior, maybe she'll wake up and realize that her actions have consequences..