Hi everyone, I have kind of a touchy subject to broach and a heart hurt to unburden.
I have mentioned on here before that the person that I like is also my churches youth and young adult pastor. This is something I have currently surrendered to God to do with what He may, and have gone on living my life and being a friend where I can be.
This weekend our Young Adults group attended a Defend Dignity talk, an iniciative by the Alliance church to help stop prostitution and help the people involved leave that lifestyle and find meaningful and fulfilling lives. Afterwards we went coffee so we could all talk. Through a series of conversations we ended up talking about pornography and whether it was an addiction or not. Pastor opened up that when he was younger that pornography was something that he had struggled with, but through the grace of God he had overcome.
I whole heartedly believe that it is no longer a problem for him, and trust that this is information that our head pastor is aware of, that for me is not the issue. If God can forgive him for that, and if God has helped him to overcome it, then I am more then willing to forgive him.
My issue comes up in a matter of now feeling incredibly undesireable. I am overweight, and have been for a long time, self esteem is something I have been struggling with my entire life. I have taken great steps in the last year thanks to friends and hard work, and have even lost 15lb in the last month. But hearing what he had to say made me feel so very unattractive. I know that the women in those videos/photographs are unrealistic portrayals of beauty, and not something everyone could/should attempt to achieve. But knowing that it was something he once openly lusted after, and struggled to stop lusting after, its just a shot to the gut.
This is not a dig for compliments or ego stroking, I just want advice for how to move forward. I still like him, and admire him for overcoming something so hard, and for going on to pursue God whole heartedly with his vocation. Is this something I should even be worried about?
I will obviously be doing a lot of praying, and meditating on this and would appreciate if you would too.
I have mentioned on here before that the person that I like is also my churches youth and young adult pastor. This is something I have currently surrendered to God to do with what He may, and have gone on living my life and being a friend where I can be.
This weekend our Young Adults group attended a Defend Dignity talk, an iniciative by the Alliance church to help stop prostitution and help the people involved leave that lifestyle and find meaningful and fulfilling lives. Afterwards we went coffee so we could all talk. Through a series of conversations we ended up talking about pornography and whether it was an addiction or not. Pastor opened up that when he was younger that pornography was something that he had struggled with, but through the grace of God he had overcome.
I whole heartedly believe that it is no longer a problem for him, and trust that this is information that our head pastor is aware of, that for me is not the issue. If God can forgive him for that, and if God has helped him to overcome it, then I am more then willing to forgive him.
My issue comes up in a matter of now feeling incredibly undesireable. I am overweight, and have been for a long time, self esteem is something I have been struggling with my entire life. I have taken great steps in the last year thanks to friends and hard work, and have even lost 15lb in the last month. But hearing what he had to say made me feel so very unattractive. I know that the women in those videos/photographs are unrealistic portrayals of beauty, and not something everyone could/should attempt to achieve. But knowing that it was something he once openly lusted after, and struggled to stop lusting after, its just a shot to the gut.
This is not a dig for compliments or ego stroking, I just want advice for how to move forward. I still like him, and admire him for overcoming something so hard, and for going on to pursue God whole heartedly with his vocation. Is this something I should even be worried about?
I will obviously be doing a lot of praying, and meditating on this and would appreciate if you would too.
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