S
Hey everyone,
I know every marriage has its challenges, but I feel like I can't take any more. We will be married 10 years this summer and it feels like it's been forever. My husband is a good man, a believer, and works really hard. But that seems to be the only thing that motivates him. He has no interest in spending time with others (including me, it seems), and we don't have any close friends. We have friends at church, but everyone is always so busy so it's hard getting together often. I stay at home with our 3 small boys and have some health issues (chronic fatigue/depression being the main problem). I feel so alone here, and also feel like since we've been married I have given up who I am. When I try to pursue my interest in art and music, I almost feel like he tries to discourage me. He's not very affectionate (he can be if he wants to be) or sympathetic. He's very much performance driven and has lots of expectations for me to do things. I'm not perfect, but I don't like that he makes me feel like a child, and he is the parent telling the child what to do. It wasn't this way before we had kids and I worked. Now that I am at home, it seems that our relationship has really changed. He gets angry easily and impatient. I am very social but don't get out much, and being at home is making me crazy. I've tried so hard to be happy, but I never please him no matter what I do. We've talked about this many times and fought about it. We had a really bad day today and he said if I'm not happy I should just leave. And I would if I had a place to go. I can't leave my kids. I wanted to get counseling again, but he said he doesn't want to because he feels ganged up on. I don't know how to make him understand that all I want is some affection from him, and to make me a priority now and then. He will bend over backwards for complete strangers, but doesn't keep his word to me. We rarely have a date night, and many times when we did he was in a bad mood and wouldn't even talk to me. I'm so frustrated and don't know who to talk to. I'm sure my pastor's wife gets tired of hearing about our problems. My husband was a Marine and was in Iraq twice. I have often wondered if he has ptsd or something. He seems unable to enjoy anything, is always stressed, and doesn't want to do anything fun with me. It's like life is drudgery. I don't want to imagine another 10, 20 years like this. Any advice or prayers are welcome.
I know every marriage has its challenges, but I feel like I can't take any more. We will be married 10 years this summer and it feels like it's been forever. My husband is a good man, a believer, and works really hard. But that seems to be the only thing that motivates him. He has no interest in spending time with others (including me, it seems), and we don't have any close friends. We have friends at church, but everyone is always so busy so it's hard getting together often. I stay at home with our 3 small boys and have some health issues (chronic fatigue/depression being the main problem). I feel so alone here, and also feel like since we've been married I have given up who I am. When I try to pursue my interest in art and music, I almost feel like he tries to discourage me. He's not very affectionate (he can be if he wants to be) or sympathetic. He's very much performance driven and has lots of expectations for me to do things. I'm not perfect, but I don't like that he makes me feel like a child, and he is the parent telling the child what to do. It wasn't this way before we had kids and I worked. Now that I am at home, it seems that our relationship has really changed. He gets angry easily and impatient. I am very social but don't get out much, and being at home is making me crazy. I've tried so hard to be happy, but I never please him no matter what I do. We've talked about this many times and fought about it. We had a really bad day today and he said if I'm not happy I should just leave. And I would if I had a place to go. I can't leave my kids. I wanted to get counseling again, but he said he doesn't want to because he feels ganged up on. I don't know how to make him understand that all I want is some affection from him, and to make me a priority now and then. He will bend over backwards for complete strangers, but doesn't keep his word to me. We rarely have a date night, and many times when we did he was in a bad mood and wouldn't even talk to me. I'm so frustrated and don't know who to talk to. I'm sure my pastor's wife gets tired of hearing about our problems. My husband was a Marine and was in Iraq twice. I have often wondered if he has ptsd or something. He seems unable to enjoy anything, is always stressed, and doesn't want to do anything fun with me. It's like life is drudgery. I don't want to imagine another 10, 20 years like this. Any advice or prayers are welcome.