You my friend, are amongst a spiritual battle that may be hard for some to really understand. It's tough to comprehend that a Christian can struggle so much in his/her "born again" life. How can this be? I chose The Lord, I repented to The Lord, and still I battle as if I did so in vain? Hmmm... Being in that position is dangerous, but it is all to common, been there done that myself. I will never go back to that period in my life! However, I finally learned just what happened to me in my battle, as obviously is happening in yours.
Have you ever prayed for the blood of Christ apon you as a shield to evil? Are you walking through life unprotected and vulnerable to the wicked one? Do you ask yourself why you are tugged and pulled in all directions till you are sore? Addictions are an extremely efficient tool for The devil to use against you. Satan loves such infections, as he needs very little effort or maintenance to keep them infesting within you. Once your infected with addiction, you yourself keep it watered and growing! By allowing this to persist in you without God's immunity, it's like your wearing the t-shirt "I'm a Christian!" But you have duct tape over eyes blinding you to everything good and truthful. See what I mean?
So... What I learned was this... I was a Christian no doubt, always was since my saving, but I never knew about wearing the armor of God, and therefore I too was a vulnerable Christian! Talk about frustrating man, it was spiritually and physically weakening. So then, I realized that I must pray for that protection and learn about putting on the full suit of armor. So I did, but oh so often did I get sloppy and dropped important pieces of my armor. That's when I had vulnerable areas I did not know. So there I was a good Christian man with one leg being pulled down by Satan again! Even with the full suit on in our lives, we can still manage to let our defenses down, and the chaos begins. So please, please, please my good friend, realize all of this, make it the top priority in your life to throw away these things that blind you and pull you away, and pray man, like you've never prayed before, and believe it will be so, that you will conquer, and it will be so!!! Muster up the smallest grain of faith within you and start getting to work. Learn about God's full armor, the shield, and the sword and protect yourself from this point on.
Cyphercat, if you have ever repented at any point in your life, you ARE a Christian! You say you have, and if so, you will fine if you choose to bundle all of you your burdens and current situations, and say "Here my God, I give these to you, as they are too much for me to handle. Take all of it away, and refresh me, point in me in the new light, and give me the armor to keep the evil one at bay. Pray, pray, pray, and believe you will changed, believe and know that your prayers will answered and that you know to NO doubt you will be delivered from your distress... And You Will! God bless you man, you are alright, and you'll be alright.
