Problems with mother-in-law

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Felicity7

Guest
#1
#1
Hello:)

I'm not married yet, I hope after 3 years,but I love my boyfriend really much.
We both believe in God ,trust each other etc....
But I can't find it with my coming 'mother-in-law' .
When I am at my boyfriend and his family(especially his mom) I get a lot of the times argue with her...
I try to be nice most of the time...but often she makes me so mad inside(I don't want that,but it happens)
She says things in a bitter way,she's telling me what to do,interfure personal stuff(school/work/the relation etc.) all those things makes that I don't trust her,one time I was so mad,that I know that I went to far and said that I was sorry.
Sometimes she tries to be nice,but for me it feel like it's all fake,though it's a christian family,but I don't taste really love.
We both want to learn how to more get on well with each other,but because I don't trust her,I really don't like to talk with her about my life or anything else.....

So I can really need some help and advice... :)

Greet Yvon
 
RedTent

RedTent

Banned
#2
Oct 31, 2011
8,200
182
0
#2
I went through the same thing in my marriage, except it was the entire big family.

Now I am elderly, my husband died. They disowned me and our children as soon as he died.

As I look back to try to think of the best way to handle it, it seems to me that I was often not honest. As I tried to pretend and make the most of it, I was often faking what was happening. I also did not keep the entire armor of God surrounding me but reacted to their treatment of me rather than to God in me. I became part of it rather than freeing them to act as they chose and let God do the judging. In my soul, I felt they were the enemy rather than the people God made my brothers and sisters so if I expressed love I was faking it.

So, from hindsight, I needed God’s help to free me of my part in it. Faking it doesn’t work. Perhaps there is a way to get help with that? I needed to be honest with them about what it seemed to me they were doing to me, but that had to be done in a Godly way after I cleaned up my own act, not done in a way to start a fight.

Because of their background and mine, I don’t think there was any way we could simply accept each other except by giving our whole selves to God so well we could overcome all of how God gave us as a training ground in this world. They were people who were raised to be able to go to the barnyard and butcher the pig, I could study Shakespeare and paint a picture. Nothing wrong with either, but we didn’t fit!
 
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Felicity7

Guest
#3
#3
Hey :)

Thank you for your reaction,
and was the family of your husband also christian? Or was it more religion than a relationship with God?

And was the only reason that you cannot accept each other because you didn't fit?

How did they treat you then?

When my 'mother-in-law' drives me crazy,then I'm feeling so bitter inside.
I also think that I have to be honest with them,otherwise I'm only friendly from the outside...but from the inside I'm only building up bitterness.
And that's not what I want,or want to be :p

I thought about to speak with my boyfriends mom,to be honest with each other....
 
RedTent

RedTent

Banned
#4
Oct 31, 2011
8,200
182
0
#4
[Felicity7;Hey :)

Thank you for your reaction,
and was the family of your husband also christian? Or was it more religion than a relationship with God?

And was the only reason that you cannot accept each other because you didn't fit?

How did they treat you then?

When my 'mother-in-law' drives me crazy,then I'm feeling so bitter inside.
I also think that I have to be honest with them,otherwise I'm only friendly from the outside...but from the inside I'm only building up bitterness.
And that's not what I want,or want to be :p

I thought about to speak with my boyfriends mom,to be honest with each other...
Click to expand...
My husband's family went to the same church we did, but if I ever said that "God says" to them they responded negatively.

If I had a perfect, charismatic personality I could say that it was only our being different that caused the differences, but I don't. By your picture, you seem to have that! I know I would love you no matter how differently might live.

To be honest takes great spiritual maturity and acceptance both of circumstances and people. It is so simple to confront with honesty instead of using all of how God would use it. You need to accept the situation, including that your mother-in-law criticizes without loosing any faith in yourself or without being bitter at her. That is QUITE an assignment.

I have finally been able to imagine God as light, like He says. That light is all of God, all of love, all in all. I put this beam of light around me like it says to put on the whole armor of God. That protects me in all kinds of situations.
 
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Felicity7

Guest
#5
#5
Hey :)

I try to understand what you're saying,but when it is in Dutch,I would find it much more clearlier..
And just what you say,I don't want to build that bitterness inside of me,so I want to talk with her in a good way,to learn accept each other and the situation... Because of God...I want to work on a good relationship with my mother in law,also when I don't like it sometimes,but it's Gods will.
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#6
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#6
My mother-in-law is a Christian lady too but it took us awhile to develop a good relationship. I think it's hard for moms to accept another significant female in their son's life.

You say you need to be honest with her but sometimes honesty can be hurtful...it took me awhile to learn this but we really don't have to say everything we're thinking ;). It's called diplomacy, or tact, and this is very beneficial in all relationships and especially families.

As a family you will be interacting A LOT, so it would good for both of you to try to get along with each other. If she notices that you are trying, she might try more too.

I tolerated irritating things that my mother-in-law did or said mainly for the sake of my husband and our relationship. After all this is his mother....believe me, you don't want to make your husband choose between you and his mother. It will damage your marriage.

But of course she needs to be reasonable too. Just take it slow and easy. Go out of your way to be nice. Think about what it is about her that irritates you and try not to react to it. Sounds like she might be a little bossy?

I had to learn some tact with my hard-to-get-along-with father in law too. He said to me he was going to treat me like a daughter (I thought 'oh no!')...which meant he was going to give me lots of unasked for advice. I just learned to grin and bear it. It wasn't easy but it paid off. Our family get-togethers became enjoyable....usually :)

Praying for strength, guidance, and patience with your husband's family :)
 
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Felicity7

Guest
#7
#7
Yes,thank you for your good advice :D....
It's good not to say everything,otherwise it is maybe painful...with God by my side I want to work on a good relationship with her.
She's bossy,yes,can I say to her when she's hurting me with her words?
I have to learn to live with her,because of the relation with my boyfriend,and I don't want to damage that.

It only doesn't feels right,if I think that I'm only good for pleasing her...

And thank you for your prayer :)! God bless you
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#8
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#8
Felicity7 said:
Yes,thank you for your good advice :D....
It's good not to say everything,otherwise it is maybe painful...with God by my side I want to work on a good relationship with her.
She's bossy,yes,can I say to her when she's hurting me with her words?
I have to learn to live with her,because of the relation with my boyfriend,and I don't want to damage that.

It only doesn't feels right,if I think that I'm only good for pleasing her...

And thank you for your prayer :)! God bless you
Click to expand...
You could try telling her when she's hurting your feelings and see how she reacts....maybe she will listen and begin to think about her words before speaking them :)
 
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Felicity7

Guest
#9
#9
okay,I will do that..;)
 
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