Question about recurring topic on this site

[Relena7]

Okay, I see these threads pop up frequently, asking what it means for the wives to submit to their husbands. (I almost posted this question in this thread [ http://christianchat.com/bible-discussion-forum/51063-submitting-your-husband.html ] but I didn't want to hijack it).

And the biggest question on my mind is always the same. And I'm hoping a kind, open-minded person who has been exposed to genuine moments of Christian spiritual enlightenment (pure love) can help clear this one up for me....

Yes, the bible says for the wives to be the submissive ones, and that the husband is to be the spiritual leader of the household, and he's to lead the family in holy ways. Yes?

My question is, what if the wife of the family is more spiritually mature than her husband? Say God has shown her some things that He has not shown her man.

Now say they disagree on something, is she to dumb herself down and do the opposite of what she has learned divinely and just do what her husband thinks is right instead? Say hypothetically if she tells him what she has learned, she risks coming off as sounding crazy or even disrespectful (even though she's not) because he has not grown in that same understanding yet.

Or is she supposed to hold out on marrying for a long time and find a man who is yet even more spiritually mature than her?

Or are women like that simply not meant to be married?

I will not look at anyone's responses as THE black-and-white truth but I was just wondering about people's opinions on this particular paradox that repeatedly pops up in my mind.

 

[sanglina]

Technically, the bible is very clear about the spiritual role of husband and wife. But from practical point of view in my hometown, MOST of the woman are more spiritual than their husband and so it is them that would often lead their nominal christian husband to God by fasting and praying regularly (some fast every sunday) for their spouse. The percentage of born again bachelors are comparatively lesser than born again unmarried ladies and it is only after marriage that most of them (men) would become born again christian. Even those nominal christian ladies after marriage change themselves for the better, that is spiritually speaking.

We have huge cultural gap as far as marriage and family is concerned (not withstanding the fact that we all are christians), so I don't know how far you can relate to this or not but just sharing it anyway.

 

[Nautilus]

I can see where relena is coming from. In my city the churches definitely have more single females than single males. But then even with the males at the church there is a huge divide betwen what the two sexes view as appropriate behavior outside of the church building. Which is probably why there are so many singles lol.

 

[Mooky]

I can see that your question is a genuine attempt to understand this issue better.
My two cents would be that when looking for a godly man as a potential mate, it follows that he would have to be a christian (give evidence that he really is in the faith) and be more spiritually mature that the woman.
How can a woman respect a guy if she is more mature than him, or put another way , he is more immature than her?
If he is to be the leader, he must be wiser and stronger and godlier.
As to waiting for the right one....be active in the search - he is not randomly going to fall out of the sky on your door step - but also trust in Gods timing.
A good example is Rebecca St James ( a grammy award winning christian artist and advocate for sexual purity)
She waited a long time to meet Cubby Fink, who is now her husband.Not only is he good looking, kind a nd talented, but like her, he saved himself for marriage.I am geussing that she prayed and trusted God a whole lot, but she had a life prior to meeting him - ie. she didn't sit around and mope because she couldn't find the "right one."They met at a philosophy club and things developed from there.
Remember, marriage is a picture of Christ and the church, and while the woman submits to the husband, the husband loves her sacrificially and cares for her needs - as Christ does the church,feeding her and washing her with the water of the Word.

 

[Wilfred]

i think the real question revolves around respect. can you respect the man enough to trust him to make decisions concerning your life or not? if you do respect him, then submitting to his leading should not be a problem.

conversely, he should love you enough to listen to your concerns before he makes decisions.

i see marriage as a partnership - each with a say, but the buck stops on the guys nose before God - which ever way he goes. he can be a blessing or a curse in your life - so choose wisely.

 

[Nautilus]

yeah just find a guy you click with. Maybe where you are things arent as divided?

 

[Blain]

Well arent we all children of god? I think it doesn't matter if we are boy or girl- to preach as a man or woman.I don't think god sees us like that. he doesn't show favoritism. I think when he says for wives to be submissive to men is to be loyal and not cheat or lie. Same as men to stay loyal and not be decieving. As for beinga spiritual leader that I cannot say because woman can be jus as spitiual or even a lot more spiritually strong than men. The same goes the other way around

 

[JimJimmers]

Yes, the bible says for the wives to be the submissive ones, and that the husband is to be the spiritual leader of the household, and he's to lead the family in holy ways. Yes? YES!

My question is, what if the wife of the family is more spiritually mature than her husband? Say God has shown her some things that He has not shown her man. The lady could be more mature, equally mature, or even less mature, but God gives gifts to ALL His children, and may choose to show her something instead of her husband in ANY Christian marriage scenario.

Now say they disagree on something, is she to dumb herself down and do the opposite of what she has learned divinely and just do what her husband thinks is right instead? Say hypothetically if she tells him what she has learned, she risks coming off as sounding crazy or even disrespectful (even though she's not) because he has not grown in that same understanding yet. I never think of submission as blind acceptance. I would have ZERO problem with my wife telling me what she learned, and I look forward to it. The only thing I see as unbiblical would be if she refused to do something that didn't break a law of God. Like just flat out said, "I'm not doing it Jim, God told me not to.

Or is she supposed to hold out on marrying for a long time and find a man who is yet even more spiritually mature than her?

Or are women like that simply not meant to be married?

If The Lord leads you to marry someone, I believe it will be a man you can trust to look out for you.

 

[kenisyes]

There is so much Greek that needs to be understood to make this all make sense. To start with, in both English and Hebrew, "man" and "woman" are derived from the same word (Hebrew is aish and aishah). In Greek, they are anthropon and gune, different words. In Greek, once a woman enters a ministry, she is never called a woman again, but always "prophetess", teacheress" or whatever. Christian women are called "believeresses" and "disciplesses" the same way. After the resurrection, three "women" come to the tomb, three "women" see the burial clothes, etc. But as soon as Jesus says "go tell the disciples", they are never called "women" again, but only "they", since they are now acting as evangelists. When Paul speaks of his right to have a wife, he does not call her gune (woman-wife), but adelphi gune (a Christian sister in the role of a wife). Since the English word woman (wo-"man") influences how we treat each other, and the expectations we have for each other, and these are different from the Greek understanding, the Scripture cannot be translated accurately with any words we now use. This is where all the confusion is coming from.

My take on it is that in Greek, a woman means a woman acting in a sexual role with her husband (or with any man). That is the kind of woman who must submit, must not speak in church, govern how she adorns herself, etc. That's the source of what I posted in the other thread an hour ago, and it is what worked for my wife and myself. When creating a family, the wife must let the husband decide when, how, etc. (Gen 3:16 links submission only to bringing forth children.) For the ministry of raising a family, the ruling Scripture is that "in Christ there is neither male nor female", and they must act like equal partners.

 

[Relena7]

Wow!! Thanks for all the different responses everyone. Some interesting points to ponder!

 

[zaoman32]

Women typically are my spiritual than guys. My idea of the husband being the spiritual leader is making sure that his family is getting what they need spiritually. For instance, it's the husbands job to lead the family in prayer, and lead discussions on God and lead family devotions. If the husband fails in that, then obviously that responsibility falls to the next person in line, the wife.

As far as decision making goes on a spiritual basis, again I really believe women are stronger on sensing the spirit than guys. Though it is the husbands authority to ultimately make the final decision, it's also highly important he gets and takes counsel from his wife, and considers it. Now if you know for an absolute fact that you are right, and the decision your husband wants to make is wrong, do what you can to help him change his mind, but if he goes ahead anyway, he's going to realize his mistake sooner or later.

With a covering of prayer of every situation, everything, good or bad, will be worked for God's glory.

 

[Jullianna]

I can no longer see myself marrying a man who is less mature in the faith, as I expect him to be the leader of the family, as I read the scriptures. That's not to say I won't question him at times.

I have dated guys previously who were believers, yet less mature in the faith, and yielded in areas I should not have. It caused me to drift farther away from the Lord. In a a sense, I came down to their level...or dumbed down in a sense. It was a very wrong thing to do for me and it took quite some time for me to get back to where I needed to be in God. I would rather wait or be alone than risk that again.

In light of this passage, I'm going to have to disagree with submission being for procreation purposes alone. A man is not to withhold himself from his wife anymore than a woman from her husband:

1 Corinthians 7​

1Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry.a 2But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 3The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.

 

[Jullianna]

I apologize for the typos and redundancy. Server wouldn't let me fix it.

 

[JimJimmers]

I apologize for the typos and redundancy. Server wouldn't let me fix it.

 

[Jullianna]

*hangs head shamefully and disappears into the distance never to be seen again...* *snickers* Okay...just until my next post

 

[Powemm]

Forgiveness covers a multitude of sins ...
Hosea came to me when reading this post.... think I'll read it again