Reigning in Parental Involvement in Your Child's Life

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Mammachickadee

Guest
#1
#1
Myself: "I personally dislike barbershop quartets because the mundane harmony gives me a headache. [My daughter] has the right to decide what kind of music she likes. You can take her to the concert if you want"
My father: "No she doesn't."
Myself: "Oh? Why do you think that is?"
My father: "Because kids are too stupid to think anything for themselves."

This conversation occurred just this last Sunday and was carried out right in front of my very impressionable 3 year old... thus making me confident from that point that my father's long-standing philosophy (that children should be in bondage to their parent's personal opinions about every aspect of life)... even after their children are married adults. How does one not allow a statement like this- one of hurt and offense for any understanding child- to make a parent refrain from letting their children associate with the people that raised him (and who she knows extremely well and often disagrees with)?
My husband and I spend much of my daughter's life estranged, and I and my daughter lived a small portion of the estrangement living with my parents. Continually I have been exposed to my parent's repressive attitude toward me, my parenting, and my right to be the decider in my child's life. Would not the kind thing for the family be to limit the time spend with two very judgmental and spiritually abusive people such as my parents?
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#2
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#2
As long as you live under your parent's roof you will be subjected to this....can you live on your own? Independence from one's parents is healthy for everyone.
 
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Mammachickadee

Guest
#3
#3
Lucy68 said:
As long as you live under your parent's roof you will be subjected to this....can you live on your own? Independence from one's parents is healthy for everyone.
Click to expand...
Emphasis on "for a short time we lived with my parents". When ones husband abandons you with 3 months of rent to pay when you have a daughter, no job, and barely adequate transportation, you tend to mourn the loss a bit.
My Husband and I have reconciled twice now since marriage, and our marriage is quite strong now. Due to my parents being so controlling and invasive we rarely speak with them.
Some might consider it a woman's biblical obligation to rely on her father when not married.
 
RedTent

RedTent

Banned
#4
Oct 31, 2011
8,200
182
0
#4
God creates us and gives us life through parents. We are to respect and obey them. They do not have a right to interfere with how God created us. They are to discover the talents of the child and help them develop those talents, it comes under love.

For a child to live as God directs is not disrespecting a parent. It is quietly standing for their own right to be as they were created to be. Christ led us in this. When he was a man, he followed his family in life as a carpenter, but at 30 he left that to follow His calling although His parents sometimes objected. Christ was only 12 when he stayed in the temple talking with the priests when his parents thought he should stay with them. He said "I must be about my Father's business".

We are each created a little different from every other person, and we each have a separate life to live. Parents are not to interfere with that.
 
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Share55

Guest
#5
#5
That is sad that you have such oppressive parents and it is very damaging to the children's growth as well as yours. Do not accept what they have spoken wrongfully over you, cast it off as dirty linen and look at yourself the way God sees you.

When someone tried that with my children I told my children straight out that the person had an inferiority complex that makes them tend to put others down so they could feel good about themselves and I told the the person with the wagging tongue also that their cruelty towards my children was not acceptable and they were too old to be acting in such a bad manner.

Always speak blessings over your family as it really helps because they run into this abusive behaviour in their walk in life so if you counter it with love it will not harm them.

If it doesn't stop then I would definitely limit the time the children spend with them and let your parents know why. It is their choice after that.
 
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