Relationship and Religion

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HisHumbleServant

Guest
#1
#1
Hello everyone. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3yrs. He is catholic and im Baptist and when I first met him he would got to church with his family alot and sometimes alone. And then we moved together and he would go to another to a church closer to our home and I continued to go fo mine and occasionally we would accompany each other. That fact that he goes to church often and grew up in church was something that had drawn me closer to him, I felt like he would someday make a great husband and father because of it. But in the last 6 months he hasn't been going to church and he always says "God knows my heart". We had a big falling out about it about a month ago and he promised he would go back to church because he wasn't raised that way and because I felt so strongly about it. But he only went once since then and I had to bribe him. So this morning I made a big deal about it and when I left for church he texted me and told me he was getting dressed. When i came home he made up these lies about the service and everything dealing with church and i almost believed he went, but then I did some investigating and I figured out he didn't go! So finally he admitted it and said im forcing him,and that not going to church doesn't make him a bad person, and evey other excuse in the book. I him that I can't be with a man who sits home on Sundays, and cant give God 2 hrs of their time once a week minimum, and that God has blessed us too much to not worship him and that I also dont wanna raise kids in the future seeing mommy go to church and daddy sitting home on sundays! I pretty much gave him an ultimatum and told him if he dosent go to church he will lose me. And his response was walking away and going to bed. Overall he is a really good man, but I just can't be with a man who doesn't go to Church. I don't know what else to say and what else to do, I really need prayers and suggestions! Please and thanks.
 
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Theodore

Guest
#2
#2
Maybe he would be comfortable in going to another church. I suggest investigating some other potential churches that you both can go to. Some people can not hear the word as good as someone else in the same church but when they go to another they understand it all or just have a better experience.
 
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HisHumbleServant

Guest
#3
#3
Thanks for your input, I will look into that!
 
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Ugly

Guest
#4
#4
So.. you're living together, in an already un-Godly fashion. And you're dating a Catholic, which isn't really the same as a Christian. And you are surprised the relationship isn't going right now? Not to sound unsympathetic, but you have two major issues right there. Even if you are willing to accept Catholic as Christian, you still have the issue of living together. So your relationship is already at an un-Godly point right now. If you both are acting, as a couple, in a wrong fashion, why would it matter if he goes to church or not? What does it matter if you go to church if you are actively, purposefully living a lifestyle that goes against it?

Bottom line is, it sounds like something has changed in him. He's not communicating it with you either. There is another problem. He is not sharing whats going on with you, he's hiding something most likely.

And ultimatums are a great way to destroy a relationship. You can't force change on a person. Either you accept them for who they are, or you don't. Soon as you demand change or else, you effectively kill the relationship. Because even IF he did change to suit your ultimatum, that change is not a change in his heart. Its an act designed to pacify you. And the end result will be the person goes back to the behavior you demanded to change to begin with. If he doesn't want to change he won't. Not his heart. And without heart change then changes in action are temporary.
 
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HisHumbleServant

Guest
#5
#5
You aren't been unsympathetic, you are being honest and that's exactly what I needed. I appreciate your honesty and I have a lot to think about and pray about. Thank you.
 
RickyZ

RickyZ

Senior Member
#6
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
113
#6
Is it the church he's staying away from, or God? What if you held church at home, a little personal prayer time together, with some reading and discussion? We are told not to forsake the assembly, but that doesn't have to mean we have to trudge out to some certain building to do it. We can assemble at home, it's the time dedicated to God not the location that matters. I don't blame people for not wanting to go to 'church', there's a lot of dead and false ones out there. But if the man of the house wants to assemble his family to seek and worship God in private, I believe God honors that as well. As long as he maintains some form of contact with a leadership. I would suggest home church for 2 weeks, and again for a 3rd but suggesting at that time that you both visit a random church once a month until you find one the Spirit says is home.

Ugly said:
So.. you're living together, in an already un-Godly fashion.
Click to expand...
Uhm, yeah, there's that too. But with the understanding that it's the 'making two into one' that creates the spiritual spousal relationship. Living together I assume you are 'spousal', and I have to support that, unto the day it is made 'legitimate' by public confession (that'd be the wedding day :)

Ugly said:
And ultimatums are a great way to destroy a relationship. You can't force change on a person. Either you accept them for who they are, or you don't. Soon as you demand change or else, you effectively kill the relationship. Because even IF he did change to suit your ultimatum, that change is not a change in his heart. Its an act designed to pacify you. And the end result will be the person goes back to the behavior you demanded to change to begin with. If he doesn't want to change he won't. Not his heart. And without heart change then changes in action are temporary.
Click to expand...
Yeah, there's this too. The minute you issue an ultimatum is the minute you excuse yourself from his world.
 
damombomb

damombomb

Senior Member
#7
Feb 27, 2011
3,801
68
48
#7
Is he feeling convicted living in sin and going to church?
 
RickyZ

RickyZ

Senior Member
#8
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
113
#8
Lord God, I come before You in the Name of Your Son, in thanksgiving and praise for HisHumbleServant, that even in the sinful condition she has placed herself in, she has still sought out You and Your people here for advice. I pray the Blood of Christ over her, that her sin be washed clean, and over her spousal family, that he and the relationship be cleansed. May the Holy Spirit be loosed, to flow in the home and create a church there; I pray the Holy Spirit gift them both with knowledge, understanding, and discernment, that their home be fully led by the Spirit. And I pray that they be led to a number of Holy Spirit filled assemblies, that they may find and know the one by which the Spirit calls home for them. I pray angels be sent to occupy the enemy, and to minister Your guiding love to them. Be over this situation, God, Jehovah, Lord of all; in all this I know there is still a working of Your Will to be done. And I pray that Your Will be done here.

We lay this before You in Jesus' Name

Amen
 
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HisHumbleServant

Guest
#9
#9
RickyZ, I don't feel like he is staying away from God, just the church. I really appreciate your insight, im going to try out what you suggested and see how that goes and also continue to pray over my situation. Thanks you so much for that prayer, so many things were running through my mind, but your prayer reminded me to be still and and go to God, and it definitely helped to calm my spirit.
 
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HisHumbleServant

Guest
#10
#10
damombomb, that im not sure of, but its a good question that I will ask him.
 
sandtigeress

sandtigeress

Senior Member
#11
Apr 29, 2013
526
16
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#11
Maybe there is a reason. If he goes to a catholic church, maybe there is someone pressuring him, to leave his protestant girlfriend, or to try to convert her. Maybe he saw the saints and the mary worship for the wrong they are and is no longer happy with catholic church, but also not ready to join yours, because it would be even more difficult to leave that.

There has to be a deep reason, because you pressured him alot and (in my oppinion unfairly), but he rather lied to you, then went to that church.

And sorry to say that, you ought to apologize because you snooped after him (even if the result was, that he had lied).

Your relationship is in a very awkward place: you do not trust your boyfriend and you want to tell him how (!) to worship.
But his relationship with god has priority and if that releationship (with god) at the moment needs to be private and without the sunday service of his (former ?) church, then you need to accept that.
 
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HisHumbleServant

Guest
#12
#12
sandtigress, I appreciate the 1st and 2nd part your comments and they actually gave me a couple of things to think about. But everything else is your opinion, and I respect that. Thank you for your thoughts, please pray for me.
 
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