Relationship and Stress

[seaco711]

So this is really a question about me and my girlfriend, but seeing as how many people in the family section might have gone through this, I figured I would ask here.

My girlfriend is in law school (in a different city) and is a few days out from her first exam. One exam in each class determines the class grade. Needless to say, she's stressed. She has been for the past month or so, and it's really starting to affect me. She blows off steam at school by going out or hanging out with friends or whatever, but seems to be way more stressed and frustrated than usual when we talk (which is less now because she's studying too much).

Any advice? I'm trying to be as supportive as possible, but it's difficult when the sweet, kind and caring girl that I started dating a little over a year ago only makes brief appearances in between the constant stress and frustration. I'm hoping after exams are over in two weeks this will abate, but in the meantime I'm freaking out. I can't do anything to help, and I feel like I can't say anything without it being the "wrong thing." I'm just a little concerned because I think this is probably the most stressful thing she's been through, and I'm just hoping it's not an indicator of her ability to handle stress (I haven't ever seen her act like this before though, even when stressed).

Also, sidebar - I really do value the advice of people on this site, but I can't say that I'm extremely religious, so any advice that has less to do with prayer or anything like that would be appreciated. I'm not saying that that isn't the best thing for some people, but it's just not really helpful advice for me right now.

Thanks!

 

[Ugly]

" I'm just a little concerned because I think this is probably the most stressful thing she's been through, and I'm just hoping it's not an indicator of her ability to handle stress (I haven't ever seen her act like this before though, even when stressed).

Of course its an indicator of how she handles stress. Shes stress, and you're seeing her react to it. This is the danger of relationships, people not looking objectively at the person their with. You're seeing how she is under stress and saying you hope thats not how she is. *blink blink. Don't let emotions blind you to what's obvious, or don't try to talk yourself out of seeing the negatives of someone. If you try to convince yourself this isn't normal for her, then if you get married and it happens again then what? Its hard, i know, i've been there myself. But you need to open up and see the reality.
Now, is that to say i think shes not good to be with or that you should just dump her? No. What i do suggest is try to stick out these next few weeks, and see how things go after the stress abates. Then, when she's more calm and open, perhaps sit down with her and gently explain the problems you were having. Reaffirm to her you understand she was stressed and you understand that, then offer to see if she would be willing to learn relaxation methods. Perhaps offer to learn them and practice them together. I'd suggest this is a good start to see how things go with her in this area.

 

[psychomom]

The thing is...everyone changes all through life.
The way we respond to stress today isn't necessarily the way we will respond tomorrow.

We all (given the opportunity, and I have to add, since it's true, the grace afforded by the Lord)
will react better to stressors as we mature.

As a believer, I grow in grace and the knowledge of the Lord Jesus.
I understand this is not where you are (though I pray it will change, for your sake!)
but just as a human being...try to see the times people have afforded you mercy and patience,
and walked you through difficult times.

And then, try to do the same for her.
-ellie

 

[Lucy68]

Well, she's probably very young and has never been in this type of situation before. Your support means more to her than you realize. It's a growing experience for her...and probably for you too. As a friend just do what friends do...be there for her.

You may also try advising her with healthy ways to handle stress. Partying will probably add more stress because she's not getting enough sleep? I know this sounds old-fashion but getting enough sleep, eating right, and exercise (plus breathing exercises) are the healthiest ways to handle stress. College students especially need all their brain power during exam time and getting enough sleep will maximize that. I haven't had much success convincing my own college children of this .

It's never too late to become "religious" (until we're dead). I know it's hard to believe sometimes but taking our problems to God really is a good idea. Only He sees the big picture. Actually, your relationship with Him is more important than your relationship with your girlfriend. Seek Him first and then everything else is added as a bonus. When we put Him first, all our other relationships 'work' better.

She is blessed to have you for a friend .

 

[Tommy4Christ]

So this is really a question about me and my girlfriend, but seeing as how many people in the family section might have gone through this, I figured I would ask here.

My girlfriend is in law school (in a different city) and is a few days out from her first exam. One exam in each class determines the class grade. Needless to say, she's stressed. She has been for the past month or so, and it's really starting to affect me. She blows off steam at school by going out or hanging out with friends or whatever, but seems to be way more stressed and frustrated than usual when we talk (which is less now because she's studying too much).

Any advice? I'm trying to be as supportive as possible, but it's difficult when the sweet, kind and caring girl that I started dating a little over a year ago only makes brief appearances in between the constant stress and frustration. I'm hoping after exams are over in two weeks this will abate, but in the meantime I'm freaking out. I can't do anything to help, and I feel like I can't say anything without it being the "wrong thing." I'm just a little concerned because I think this is probably the most stressful thing she's been through, and I'm just hoping it's not an indicator of her ability to handle stress (I haven't ever seen her act like this before though, even when stressed).

Also, sidebar - I really do value the advice of people on this site, but I can't say that I'm extremely religious, so any advice that has less to do with prayer or anything like that would be appreciated. I'm not saying that that isn't the best thing for some people, but it's just not really helpful advice for me right now.

Thanks!

Since you say you do not want prayer, which God wont hear them anyway, because you are not in the faith, you need to stop worrying about what your girlfriend is doing, and get yourself right with God before its too late for you!

Your focus is on the things of this world, not of God, he is patient and kind, as wanting no one to perish in their sins, but wants all to come to real repentance and faith.

All the advice here is just worldly vanity, since you seem to not want the truth that transforms the heart into a new creation.

You want instant answers to your dilemma, while you neglect the creator of the universe, and who created you in the secret place, who loves you too much to let you die in your sins, but offers you a way out.

Get right with God, purify your heart through repentance first, crucify your flesh, then seek to lead your girlfriend out of her darkness also, but you cannot give something to someone else when you do not possess it!

I pray this helps!

The kingdom of Heaven is taken by violence!​

Mat 11:12 And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of Heaven is taken by violence, and the violent take it by force.​

Jesus boldly proclaimed who the greatest preacher of all times was, and it was John the Baptist! He preached repentance, and prove your repentance by your deeds, another words, the sin stops in repentance,(cutting it off at the root) you die with Christ, and crucify your flesh as commanded to enter the kingdom with great diligence, passion, and violent force, which is a far cry from the Billy Graham just confess, then receive Jesus into your heart!
Jesus made it clear, as well as John the Baptist, and many other followers of Christ, to take the kingdom of God by force, and the violence that comes from striving to enter, breaking through all the false teachings, that say you can get saved IN your vile sins, Jesus will clean you up, just believe, and you are in!
Does this sound like what Jesus and John the Baptist preached throughout their ministry? Does this sound close to taking the kingdom by violence and force!
I compare this to an army, coming against insurmountable odds, facing the giant so to speak, where the army is far outnumbered, but not defeated less they give up, look for the easy way out, as most professing Christians do today.
When you want something bad enough you will usually do whatever it takes to achieve it, as we see all the great sacrifices athletes make to be the best, as they put all their time and energy in becoming an elite in their chosen sport, but this is short lives, the great force and violence these athletes put fourth are going for nothing but short lived worldly gain and fortune.
Just think what would happen if everyone who professes Christ, put this kind of force, violence, and diligence into rightly dividing the word of God, standing fast against the false sin gospel, instead of defending it, and striving to enter the narrow gate by great force, and violently putting to death their old man, which can only come from real brokenness, clearing away all wrong doing, that only a truly repentant heart can accomplish!
So get ready to fight and strive by force to enter the narrow gate, repent of all vile sins, putting the old man to death once and for all, then stand fast against the forces of evil, the false teachers, and the apostate ministries that proclaim the easy done deal gospel, promising you the easy formula to success, which is a lie.
People spend their whole life perusing their own interests and achievements, usually putting all theyhave into reaching these goals, but neglected the weightier matters of eternal life. They fail to put their time and energy into the truth that transforms a poor helpless sinner, into a valiant warrior for Christ, where their efforts are not in physical prowess, but in spiritual power and violent force, where the power comes from the mighty word of God, not man, not man’s opinions, and especially not from the great reformation that has left the true gospel according to godliness in shambles, leaving many in bondage to an easy salvation void of any real works of repentance, devotion, commitment and force to enter the narrow gate.
Jesus made the way, He stated that the only way is through Him and many will reject this, and His free gift, but it can only come to the one who forsakes their sins in repentance first, as they seek Him with great force and violence against the wiles of the devil, living a life in obedient faith, not perfection, but open and dedicated to growing more and more in wisdom, love, peace and godliness as the spirit reveals their faults and imperfections, but the big sins of the flesh must be put to death, and kept dead by violence if need be.
This is the way to the kingdom, it’s not an easy path, but like the athlete mentioned above, It’s well worth the final prize which is far better than a mere trophy, endorsements, a huge pay check, that will soon fade away and, add up to nothing but vanity and eternal ruin!
What will a man give in exchange for their soul?
Luk 13:24 Strive to enter in at the narrow gate. For I say to you, many will seek to enter in and shall not be able.
Tommy 12-1-12

 

[seaco711]

ugly, ellie, lucy - Thanks for the kind words that's great advice; I'll definitely take it to heart.

 

[Missfoxieloxie]

I am at the same point as her right now lol. At times like this I try to focus on getting through my tests and I tend to pull away from my fiance. Just give her some space and things will work out.

 

[AgeofKnowledge]

I've watched marriages fail as one of them went through law school. I wish I could offer you some good advice here but I'm afraid it's a long grueling haul with serious ups and downs and many relationships just don't survive it.

Here's a form letter many law schools provide: Dear Family of the New Law Student

"First, the first year of law school is incredibly time consuming. Plan on the new law student dropping out of sight for 60-70 hours a week. They will also begin to socialize and to make friends with other law students which will take another five to twenty hours a week. Needless to say, divorce rates in law school are extremely high. First year law students are learning to "think like a lawyer" which means that they are learning to put everything last except time spent on law. Some recover, but many experience a permanent change in priorities and goals. Second, the first year of law school is extremely stressful. This has several parts."

As you can see, your life changed materially the day your significant other walked into their first day of law school. You are just beginning to realize it.

So this is really a question about me and my girlfriend, but seeing as how many people in the family section might have gone through this, I figured I would ask here.

My girlfriend is in law school (in a different city) and is a few days out from her first exam. One exam in each class determines the class grade. Needless to say, she's stressed. She has been for the past month or so, and it's really starting to affect me. She blows off steam at school by going out or hanging out with friends or whatever, but seems to be way more stressed and frustrated than usual when we talk (which is less now because she's studying too much).

Any advice? I'm trying to be as supportive as possible, but it's difficult when the sweet, kind and caring girl that I started dating a little over a year ago only makes brief appearances in between the constant stress and frustration. I'm hoping after exams are over in two weeks this will abate, but in the meantime I'm freaking out. I can't do anything to help, and I feel like I can't say anything without it being the "wrong thing." I'm just a little concerned because I think this is probably the most stressful thing she's been through, and I'm just hoping it's not an indicator of her ability to handle stress (I haven't ever seen her act like this before though, even when stressed).

Also, sidebar - I really do value the advice of people on this site, but I can't say that I'm extremely religious, so any advice that has less to do with prayer or anything like that would be appreciated. I'm not saying that that isn't the best thing for some people, but it's just not really helpful advice for me right now.

Thanks!

 

[seaco711]

Hey AgeofKnowledge:

Thank you so much for that! Honestly, she has been fine for the whole semester, and it's just been getting crazy within the past month or so as exams have crept up. Mainly I just wanted affirmation that what she (and by correlation, I) is/am going through is normal. I guess the silver lining is that since the first year is the worst, in two weeks we'll be halfway done! I am an Accountancy major and taking over 20 hours/semester, so although it's not quite the same difficulty as law school, it's still hard. God knows what kind of crazy person I will be when I'm trying to pass the CPA exam, so it's definitely a give and take type thing. Thanks for helping to affirm that this is all normal.

 

[AgeofKnowledge]

The first thing my mother did after she graduated from law school and passed the bar was to divorce my father and get a new boyfriend. Make a note of it.

Statistically, the odds of your relationship lasting through and after law school are about 10,000 to 1. Good luck.

Hey AgeofKnowledge:

Thank you so much for that! Honestly, she has been fine for the whole semester, and it's just been getting crazy within the past month or so as exams have crept up. Mainly I just wanted affirmation that what she (and by correlation, I) is/am going through is normal. I guess the silver lining is that since the first year is the worst, in two weeks we'll be halfway done! I am an Accountancy major and taking over 20 hours/semester, so although it's not quite the same difficulty as law school, it's still hard. God knows what kind of crazy person I will be when I'm trying to pass the CPA exam, so it's definitely a give and take type thing. Thanks for helping to affirm that this is all normal.

 

[shekaniah]

Hey AgeofKnowledge:

Thank you so much for that! Honestly, she has been fine for the whole semester, and it's just been getting crazy within the past month or so as exams have crept up. Mainly I just wanted affirmation that what she (and by correlation, I) is/am going through is normal. I guess the silver lining is that since the first year is the worst, in two weeks we'll be halfway done! I am an Accountancy major and taking over 20 hours/semester, so although it's not quite the same difficulty as law school, it's still hard. God knows what kind of crazy person I will be when I'm trying to pass the CPA exam, so it's definitely a give and take type thing. Thanks for helping to affirm that this is all normal.

I was going to say that most people stress out over exams, and they might not even see how stressed they are getting.
Maybe offer to help her with cue cards or just meals, laundry or things from the store.

Even though you said prayer is not what you where looking for...
I know it is what you need. I have found so much peace in life through prayer.

I will pray for you and your girlfriend
Take care and God bless!
Keep us posted Shekaniah

 

[seaco711]

AgeofKnowledge - pretty sure it's not THAT bad

 

[AgeofKnowledge]

Leave while you still can on your terms. After law school, it will be time to trade you in for a bigger better deal and she'll know just how to do it by then

AgeofKnowledge - pretty sure it's not THAT bad

 

[seaco711]

Lol. I'm not worried about that. I'm a pretty good catch, if I do say so myself.

Leave while you still can on your terms. After law school, it will be time to trade you in for a bigger better deal and she'll know just how to do it by then

 

[AgeofKnowledge]

Ah, the pride of youth. I too was invincible once... long ago. Street fighters respected my rep and normal folk moved from my path when I came through. Now, nobody cares. Old age and godly living crept up on me. Why not even house pets fear me anymore. You too shall learn of such things in time.

Lol. I'm not worried about that. I'm a pretty good catch, if I do say so myself.

 

[seaco711]

i hope not!

Ah, the pride of youth. I too was invincible once... long ago. Street fighters respected my rep and normal folk moved from my path when I came through. Now, nobody cares. Old age and godly living crept up on me. Why not even house pets fear me anymore. You too shall learn of such things in time.

 

[chuinchoy]

i know many lawyers christian or not who love their family (wife and children) very much. Play with the children on weekend, take wife and children on holiday during school holiday etc....