sad

[zual]

I've been married 15 years, 4 children. Over the years, my husband's sister has periodically made various accusations against me, which I have denied because they have all been blatantly untrue. Every time, he believes her, as does the whole family, and I am treated with utter disdain, disrespect, and hostility. They refuse to have contact with us, for which I am blamed by him. Every time, it has eventually come to light that she is lying, although it sometimes takes years for the truth to come out. It has happened again and I am just sick with sadness. He is so hostile, there is no talking to him- he won't even listen to what I have to say. I feel persecuted and so sad. Counseling does not help. What should I do? I feel so down. I really am a good person.

 

[santuzza]

If counseling hasn't helped in the past, try again with another counselor. Has your husband gone to counseling with you? Was it a Christian counselor (very important!)?

 

[zual]

We have tried sooo many counselors, all Christian. All tell him to stand by his wife, but it doesn't happen.

 

[J-Kay]

The Bible clearly states that Christians will be persecuted. It still happens today in many different forms, from as simple as being mocked to as serious as murder. Be that as it may, you should not let persecution discourage you from being a Christian. Accepting Jesus Christ as your Savior is one of the most important things you will do on this Earth. You shouldn't avoid it just because of the persecution.

Although life may be hard for you at times because you are a Christian, be strong. Christian persecution may not be avoidable, but as Christians, we can endure it.

You can try to get through those trials by reading Bible verses about persecution. Read the scripture on persecution here and try to find peace in your life.
Psalms 9:13 Have mercy on me, O LORD; consider my trouble which I suffer of them that hate me, you that lift me up from the gates of death:
Psalms 119:86 All your commandments are faithful: they persecute me wrongfully; help you me.

 

[Ariel82]

Have you tried to go to counseling with your sister in law?

since that seems to be the issue. if she is lying about you, perhaps the counselor can help her deal with any issues she has that she feels like she needs to lie?

How old are the kids?

Are you close with your family?

could you go live with them for the summer or something?

Personally if my sister in law was spreading lies about me and my husband believe her over me, I would probably move out and go live with my mom for a while.

Give him time to think because a relationship is built upon love and trust.

Another thing I would ask him is turn the tale around and make him the bad guy, doing whatever lies she says you are doing and ask him if you should believe him or this other theoretical person?

Often times cheating spouses will abuse and accuse their faithful spouse of doing what they are doing to ease their guilty conscience.

Are you sure that his family are shunning you?

 

[zual]

I am sure the family is shunning us. My daughter just turned 6 and they refuse to come to her party. I don't know what to tell her. They have said they will not be around us. I truly have not done what I am accused of and when I say that, even more false accusations are thrown at me. The accusations have range from accusing me of saying I hope a particular child dies (I have a child who actually has died, I would never wish that on any one), accusing me of saying things in an e-mail that I can produce and show that I didn't say that, accusing me of yelling at a child when that child and two other children present say I did not. I am just at my wits end. I am thinking of just letting my husband take the kids to family events so that my kids don't miss out on having a relationship with their cousins and I'll just stay home, but that doesn't stop the feeling of betrayal. I feel like this is the last straw, that if my husband doesn't believe me, there is nothing more to be done for this marriage.

 

[zual]

Oh, about 8 years after saying I had said I hoped a particular child dies, she admitted I never said that.

 

[Bluecomet]

He doesn't need COUNSELING. He needs a DELIVERANCE.

 

[BishopSEH]

I disagree Bluecomet. I try not to lean towards violence but what he needs is a swift kick in the ....

zual, Does he have any real Christian male friends? Someone that can keep him grounded and remind him of his duties as a husband? I know you have tried but I hate to say it but to him he probably feels like "jumped on your menstrual cycle and ran his butt over, backed up and did it again and as you rode away all he heard was nag nag nag nag nag". (blame Jeff Dunham its his material) But in all seriousness, he might feel like he is being nagged even though your not.

That usually happens when men hear something thats true but they don't want to accept it. The Scriptures tell us that a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife. Are you sure he has really left his parents home?

Clearly you have kept track of the lies that have been told about you by his sister for whatever reason. You have also tracked when those lies were proven to be lies. So lets try a little experiment. Go and by a poster board and a marker and on it write each lie his sister has told about you and when it was proven to be a lie. Next put this on your side of the bed with a note that says: You decide who you want beside you, me or lies. I will be on the couch. Then do it. Its a pretty strong message.

When he comes to confront you, look him in the eye and you tell him. You need to work this out for yourself. Do not engage in an argument. If we wants to discuss it calmly then talk. Once it becomes heated, disengage. DO NOT CRY. You let him know his family has hurt you, his wife, enough and that your not going to waste your tears on their insecurities.

In Christ,

Bishop SEH

 

[intercessorginger]

This is a very hard trial and my heart goes out to you . I understand how it is to be falsely accused because I have had that experience as well, and also from family members. It turned out that the accusers were into witchcraft and mentally ill as well, and the real reason they hated me was because I was a follower of the Lord. This is called persecution in the bible, but the bible also says that God will vindicate you. Believe me he will do that, just keep your trust in God to deliver you from this situation. Remember they hated Jesus without a cause too.
[h=3]John 15:25 But this is to fulfill what is written in their Law: 'They hated me without reason.'[/h]

 

[sandtigeress]

do you know why she is always telling lies about you ?
Is is jealosy ? Or just being mean ?

There is realy now good way to fight lies, but just to say:
"Oh why is she Always lying, You know she is lying Again".

To be acussed wrongly by family hurts alot
and for the one that is supposed to be always on your side to beliefe it, hurts even more.

Praying for you and your children.
And pray for your sister in law, that she can become a better person,
that does not have to tell lies.

 

[Lucy68]

Sorry you're going through this! What a trial. Do you know why they resent you so much? I agree with Bishopseh...your husband should be on your side. It's a shame that some families are like this. A lot of drama, deception, and out right lies. I wonder if this is some form of entertainment for them?

I would just say the truth to your husband once and then leave it alone.

Take your hurt to Christ and use this time to build on your relationship with Him. When we're treated unfairly, it helps to remember how unfairly He was treated for our sake. He even prayed for his murderers. Wow. That takes a lot of faith for us to do, but with the help of the Holy Spirit, we can pray for our enemies and sincerely forgive them. I've found that when my family relations are teetering on irrational behavior mixed with ridicule and contempt, when I can shrug it off and pray for those members who are being difficult, something changes. Is there a spiritual war going on and when I refuse to participate, it disintegrates? Who knows. But something changes for the better.

Going to counseling with your husband may help. Having an objective third party may open up the communication lines. A Christian counselor would be wonderful.

Praying for you....wisdom, guidance, and the knowledge that you are LOVED...may the Spirit fill you to overflowing .

 

[J-Kay]

This is a very hard trial and my heart goes out to you . I understand how it is to be falsely accused because I have had that experience as well, and also from family members. It turned out that the accusers were into witchcraft and mentally ill as well, and the real reason they hated me was because I was a follower of the Lord. This is called persecution in the bible, but the bible also says that God will vindicate you. Believe me he will do that, just keep your trust in God to deliver you from this situation. Remember they hated Jesus without a cause too.
John 15:25 But this is to fulfill what is written in their Law: 'They hated me without reason.'

Excellent point. Where there is hatred and strife, there is form of witchcraft
or demonic activity. I don't have any answers for her. Only God knows the
heart and how all this began. But we do know " Greater is He that is in her,
than he that is in the world." Agreeing with you for her deliverance from the
ties that have her bound. As I write this I see in the spirit something like a
rope and it is the heavy duty kind and is in knot. The knot is really thick and
tight. I don't know what it all means, but God does. So with that I will say
***Father, God, I do not know what the ROPE TIED IN KNOT means, but I
ask in Jesus name this precious ZUAL be set free of the bondage she is in.
In the Holy name of Jesus ~ Amen

 

[zual]

Thank you for all the replies. I calmly told my husband that God knows the truth and He knows I am telling the truth. I told him I am his wife and I am speaking the truth. As for the why about the sister. I don't know. I just think she doesn't want me married to him. When I first met her, when we were dating, the first thing she said to me was why would YOU go out with HIM? I was puzzled and she repeated it. Over the years, there has been a lot of piddly stuff that I have ignored- inviting all of the bridesmaids except for me to the bridal luncheon, showing up for dinner with the dish it was agreed I would make, laughing when I ask one of her children to do something and the child ignores me, etc. She has told him that if he ever wants to leave me, he can stay with her. I truly don't know why she acts this way. It seems petty.

 

[psalm6819]

God Bless you Zual,

You are stronger than you think. You are a mighty woman of God fighting for your family. He will give you strength to hold on- Don't try to fight your battles-calmly explain once like you did above. God will vindicate you and your sensible, calm and loving behavior toward him as opposed to his fruitcake sister (forgive me, Lord) will convince him.

For the kids sake have them go to family functions with him. Stay home and treat yourself-bubble bath, ice cream, chocolate a movie, do your nails, a walk, all of the above, whatever your special little pleasure is (maybe just the joy of having to house to yourself) give yourself a treat, Princess-You deserve it!!!!

Try to never speak negatively because they are the kid's gramma,grampa, aunt, uncle, ect. amd you know they love the kids. Meanwhile, your kids will have the example of a godly mother to follow and will respect you. God will cause your husband to fall in love with you all over again. Be gentle, be his refuge from stress. He must hate the fighting, too. He might be embarassed about how his faimily is behaving but can't admit it. So have him open up a jar for you and he opens up that jar for you, flutter your eyelashes and give him the old "Thank you, you're so stroooong" like ya did when you guys started dating. He'll still fall for it. My husband is 63 and he still does Most important pray, pray, pray for him, the kids, for them. I'll pray too. Read the Psalms-David poured his heart out, I'm sure you'll find comfort and hope.

Your Sister is Christ

Proverbs 31:25 Strength and honor are her clothing and she shall rejoice in time to come.

 

[zual]

Thank you for the advice. I think I have thrown my DH for a loop and he doesn't know what to think, but it seems to be working. I got up early to read Psalms in the guest room. He came in and asked in a hostile tone if I'd let the dog out. I answered him kindly. Then I closed the Bible, walked across the room, kissed him, and said good morning, honey and walked out of the room. He said What the ????? I said yes? He said What is THIS about? I said calmly, God sees the truth and he sees how we live. Those around me may do and say as they choose, but for myself, I choose to do what is right in His eyes, regardless of the rest of the world. I then walked away. I continued being very sweet to him all morning and never let him rattle me at all, playing Christian music and singing along. At first he looked like he thought I was up to something evil. I kept on as I had been, smiling and being sweet. Eventually, his hostility started eroding (not completely, but he was neutral with glimmers of kindness). We'll see how this goes. Praying for God to melt the hardness in his heart and open his eyes to see.

 

[J-Kay]

1Peter 3: In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives,