Sex, and the lie. Help?

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K

kmmcname

Guest
#1
#1
I'm 18. I was saved at 16. Ever since then I have an urge to want to be loved. I need males to make me feel good about myself. At 16 I started talking to a man online who told me he loved me, he said I was his everything. I believed him. He said if I loved him I would sext him, send him pics, do things on skype. I felt abused after months. I met another man online who I met up with and I was raped and i was still a virgin. After that I was deemed bi polar and I let guys use me I had oral/sex with at least 6-7 guys within a year or less. I was torn from God. I met my now boy friend who is not a christian and seems to hate the church. They even tried to kick him out. I am afraid to be alone, afraid to go back to the life before. How do I get strength back? I feel so confused and I have thrown God away. I dont feel like men wait any more. I would have stayed a virgin if I knew.
 
K

Kyouken

Guest
#2
#2
I can only relate to you in matters of the heart.

If I'm not careful, I would go into depression.
Why? My heart yearns so badly for a significant other that if I don't keep it in check, it would get the very best of me. There are some times where I feel that if I just had a girlfriend everything would be ok, whereas if I really rushed things like that my life would be in ruins.

But please, don't lose heart!
The only way I'm able to cope with that is to focus on God. When I say focus, I mean stick my nose in the Word and keep my mind on God. It isn't always on God, I can assure you of that, but he who keeps his mind on God, He will keep him in perfect peace.

God will never turn His back on you. Right now, He's looking down, extending His hand, and waiting for you to grab it. He'll pull you right back up. Always. No matter how bad or how hard you fall. He's waiting for you, and He's smiling at you. If you need strength, ask God to show you that strength. He'll give it it you, no doubt. I can't say you'll feel strong all at once (if you do, hallelujah! Praise God!), but keep persevering. Ask, and it will be given to you. Knock, and it will be opened unto you. Seek God with all of your heart, and He will reveal Himself to you.

A prayer for you:
God, thank You for everything You've done for us. You're awesome. You're the best Father ever. Thank you! God, please show kmmcname the strength she needs to get through this, and show her the path she needs to take so that she will be on the fastest road to recovery. Ease her pain, and dis spell her confusion, Lord. Thank you. In Jesus' name, amen.

If you need strength, look up to the Lord, read the Word, and trust in Him. It gets a lot easier if you rely on Him for His strength. I hope this comforts you, even if a tiny bit. God bless, and have a good evening :D

P.S.: There are some men who do wait, I can assure you of that.

P.P.S.: Almost forgot - welcome to CC! :D
 
shemaiah

shemaiah

Senior Member
#3
Jan 28, 2011
2,233
30
48
29
#3
There is hope and strength for you in Christ. If you turn your eyes on Him and Cry out to Him, He can show you true love, He can show you life. You may be disappointed with your life now but Jesus can make all things beautiful, He can make you new. Just go to Him and give your life to Him and let Him lead you. And there are many men who do wait, you just need to look in the right places.
 
L

lavender_lily

Guest
#4
#4
Hiya! I know what it's like to feel lonely and desire a man. I think that God has put a deep longing inside of almost everyone to be known, to have a close companion, and to share life with, such as in marriage. I'm so sorry that you've gone through all that you have. No one wants to be used and abused. God doesn't desire that happen. He intended sex be something done within the bonds of marriage and to have it symbolize Christ's relationship with the church. I pray that He bring healing to you <3
I have had problems with trusting men because my dad was verbally abusive, and my mom has been in multiple marriages. I've never experienced a man asking him to send him sext nor have I been raped. But I have had guys ask really private, sick questions such as my bra size or want to "play a game" like pretend were were doctor or patient or stranded on an island together. I desired to have a man of my own... but I didn't want a pervert that was looking for a body and not a real personal, godly relationship. I felt hypocritical, honestly, because I grew depressed and became a "touch me not." I had prayed for God to send me a godly man and hoped he'd call me "angel" so I'd know who "the one" was. But I had lost my patience and replaced it with a lack of hope, sadly.
Thankfully, God had another plan and He never gave up. He sent a man my way that I was very reluctant to be with because of my lack of trust. Slowly over time, he has met my need of a real godly companionship and I can truly say that I can trust him with my life. He is very serving... and will even help his mother with household chores (when she asks). He has been very patient with me and I had no idea that the entire time that we were growing close... he was telling relatives that he knew he was gonna marry me. We are now engaged and I feel happy and free to love him :)
I understand the lack of hope.... but know that with God all things are possible! Please, don't feel obligated in being with someone who is a unbeliever. I've heard that a man that loves God most will love his woman more than he would without that desire for God. Because Christ's love would be reflected through him if he is maturing in Christ. Any man that is intentionally causing problems at a church and being kicked out doesn't sound like a man that would treat you with the love you need. Also, if he's an un believer and you are a believer... the Bible shows that two cannot walk together unless they be agreed. You need someone to share spiritual relations and growth with. Trust me.... God would bless the relationship and help it thrive!It's up to you if you think there's a chance he'll become a Christian, then I encourage you to help him out with patience. But he will have to use his own freewill to decide. If he refuses to grow spiritually, it's best to move on... though it will be hard.
Strength can be found in prayer and God's Word. The Holy Spirit gives us wisdom to understand what God wants us to do.
Oh! and btw... there are men out there who wait. My fiance has waited and we both are committed to waiting together until marriage. May the Lord help you abundantly! I'll be praying for you! *hugs*
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#5
#5
kmmcname said:
I'm 18. I was saved at 16. Ever since then I have an urge to want to be loved. I need males to make me feel good about myself. At 16 I started talking to a man online who told me he loved me, he said I was his everything. I believed him. He said if I loved him I would sext him, send him pics, do things on skype. I felt abused after months. I met another man online who I met up with and I was raped and i was still a virgin. After that I was deemed bi polar and I let guys use me I had oral/sex with at least 6-7 guys within a year or less. I was torn from God. I met my now boy friend who is not a christian and seems to hate the church. They even tried to kick him out. I am afraid to be alone, afraid to go back to the life before. How do I get strength back? I feel so confused and I have thrown God away. I dont feel like men wait any more. I would have stayed a virgin if I knew.
Click to expand...
My heart truly goes out to you. You must feel very alone and unloved right now. THAT's the real lie. You ARE loved and you are most definitely NOT alone. You are loved so much that Christ died for YOU. The God of all creation gave His life for you.

Online relationships are dangerous enough for adults, but extremely so for vulnerable teens longing for love, as most of the time it doesn't take long for the conversations to turn toward sexual topics and more. I hope other teens read your post very carefully and learn from it.

There are a few things you should know:

1. God DOES love you no matter what you have gone through or what mistakes you've made. He's ready right now to forgive you if you will ask and turn your heart toward Him, and ask Him to help you forgive yourself and those who've hurt you.

2. An unchristian bf is the worst thing in the world for you right now, especially if he is trying to turn you from the Lord.

3. Be aware that some of the guys who are reading your post may attempt to take advantage of your current vulnerability, but I am praying that God will protect you from them in the Name of Jesus. (He's watching you guys..KNOW THAT)

4. You truly need to spend some time alone with God and allow healing to take place before entering into another relationship with a guy. Spend time with christian girls so they can encourage you during this time and pray with you.

Prayerfully...hugs

 
leelee

leelee

Senior Member
#6
Sep 5, 2011
1,258
8
38
34
#6
Jullianna, you have pretty much summed up what i was going to say. the only things i would add is perhaps seeking some professional help about your feelings of not being loved etc could help xx
 
PopClick

PopClick

Senior Member
#7
Aug 12, 2011
4,056
138
63
#7
Kyouken said:
The only way I'm able to cope with that is to focus on God. When I say focus, I mean stick my nose in the Word and keep my mind on God. It isn't always on God, I can assure you of that, but he who keeps his mind on God, He will keep him in perfect peace.
Click to expand...
Yes.
shemaiah said:
There is hope and strength for you in Christ. If you turn your eyes on Him and Cry out to Him, He can show you true love, He can show you life. You may be disappointed with your life now but Jesus can make all things beautiful, He can make you new. Just go to Him and give your life to Him and let Him lead you. And there are many men who do wait, you just need to look in the right places.
Click to expand...
Yes.
lavender_lily said:
if he's an un believer and you are a believer... the Bible shows that two cannot walk together unless they be agreed. You need someone to share spiritual relations and growth with. If he refuses to grow spiritually, it's best to move on... though it will be hard.
Click to expand...
Yes.
Jullianna said:
God DOES love you no matter what you have gone through or what mistakes you've made. He's ready right now to forgive you if you will ask and turn your heart toward Him, and ask Him to help you forgive yourself and those who've hurt you.
An unchristian bf is the worst thing in the world for you right now, especially if he is trying to turn you from the Lord.
You truly need to spend some time alone with God and allow healing to take place before entering into another relationship with a guy.
Click to expand...
And yes. Nothing else to add. :)
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#8
#8
Thank you, leelee, for helping us remember the counseling thing. So important!!!

kmmcname, there are a lot of opportunities out there for counseling for rape victims. Please google a women's abuse shelter near you. They will be able to help.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#9
#9
This person has not logged int since the day they posted this, Feb 6. I hate when people do that.
 
Johnxxxx

Johnxxxx

Banned
#10
Nov 28, 2011
69
1
0
30
#10
kmmcname said:
I'm 18. I was saved at 16. Ever since then I have an urge to want to be loved. I need males to make me feel good about myself. At 16 I started talking to a man online who told me he loved me, he said I was his everything. I believed him. He said if I loved him I would sext him, send him pics, do things on skype. I felt abused after months. I met another man online who I met up with and I was raped and i was still a virgin. After that I was deemed bi polar and I let guys use me I had oral/sex with at least 6-7 guys within a year or less. I was torn from God. I met my now boy friend who is not a christian and seems to hate the church. They even tried to kick him out. I am afraid to be alone, afraid to go back to the life before. How do I get strength back? I feel so confused and I have thrown God away. I dont feel like men wait any more. I would have stayed a virgin if I knew.
Click to expand...
You need to learn to be able to love yourself, I don't know how you would do that, I'd be willing to talk to you and help you figure it out though. I imagine you had problems with one or both of your parents, and you're now trying to make up for the love you feel you didn't receive by having lots of sex. I could be wrong though, but this is usually the case.
 
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