Should Remarried People Get a Divorce?

[seoulsearch]

Hello everyone,

When the topic of Jesus' teaching on marriage and divorce come up, I always have the same questions and I'm interested in your thoughts. I like to ask because I learn from what others post and there are always Scriptures brought up that I've either overlooked or forgotten.

I am referring specifically to the teaching that in the case of divorce (unless the cause was adultery), the divorced person can never remarry or else they are committing adultery themselves.

1. Does that mean all currently remarried people should divorce their spouses and live as singles for the rest of their lives? For example, if your mother or father is remarried, should they immediately divorce your stepdad/stepmom?

2. Under this teaching, if you or someone else remaries, you are committing adultery and therefore, living in sin/willfully disobeying God. Does this mean you and/or the remarried people you know (such as your parents) will go to hell when they die?

3. If you know someone who is divorced and planning to remarry (such as your mom or dad), should you tell them they are not allowed to remarry?

These are things I think about for myself as well. I'm a bit of an oddball, the only divorced person in a family of long-married people, including my younger siblings. I wonder to myself, If my parents had divorced, would I have enough courage to tell them that they can't remarry?

And I think to myself as well, if I remarry, and God sees it as adultery, would I automatically go to hell when I die? My husband did have a girlfriend but I have no clear proof that they had an intimate relationship during that time (I never did get the full story--but assumedly, they liked each other while we were married and he left so that they could take their relationship further) so I am assuming that I would be classified as "Remarry=Adulterer."

I've heard plenty of sermons about this topic, but no one's ever given me clear answers. If Remarriage=Adultery=Sin=Loss of Salvation, I often wonder why I've never heard a sermon that says remarried people need to divorce now and live single or else they will go to hell. Is it because no one has the courage to say so?

I suppose that if my choices are Remarrying vs. Going to Hell, I would have to choose C--Feeling like I'm living in hell from loneliness, but trying my best to obey God's will and hopefully actually avoiding the real hell. And I wonder, when I talk to other divorced people, should I be telling them the same thing? ("Don't remarry or you'll go to hell!")

As I said, I'm interested in your thoughts and Scriptures that come to mind. Thanks in advance!

 

[seoulsearch]

Sorry for the double post.

The basic gist of my thread is, "If I remarry, am I going to hell? And does that mean all the remarried people I know, including pastors, christen elders, etc. are also going to hell? And if my own parents were remarried, would they go the hell as well?" After all, to be remarried would to be actively living in a state of disobedience to God, according to this teaching.

I don't know about you, but things like that keep me awake at night.

But I suppose... the Bible said that the road to salvation is narrow...

 

[violakat]

My question is, how does divorce undo a sin? And what if there were children created from the second marriage. Should those children then be declared as non children?

 

[violakat]

Sorry, have to elaborate after posting a response and so missed the 5 minute mark.

My question is, how does divorce undo a sin? And what if there were children created from the second marriage. Should those children then be declared as non children?

“When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, and if she goes and becomes another man's wife, and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife, then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the Lord. And you shall not bring sin upon the land that the Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance." Deut 24:1-4

Some have said that the initial act of marriage is adultery. But once you are married do not divorce to rectify the problem, because it doesn't. In fact some would say divorcing the second spouse would only create more sin.

In addition, the Bible is very clear that once a spouse has been remarried, they are not to return to the original spouse.

Here is something else to think about:
"But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace." I Cor 7:15.

Does this verse mean that if someone whose unbelieving spouse divorces them can the believing spouse remarry?

 

[AAAPlus]

Here is something else to think about:
"But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace." I Cor 7:15.

Does this verse mean that if someone whose unbelieving spouse divorces them can the believing spouse remarry?

As I understand it, yes, that is exactly what this passage is saying.

 

[violakat]

As I understand it, yes, that is exactly what this passage is saying.

That's what I think to. However, not everyone would agree, and I think they should have their say as well.

 

[AAAPlus]

I am referring specifically to the teaching that in the case of divorce (unless the cause was adultery), the divorced person can never remarry or else they are committing adultery themselves.

I believe this is the passage you're referring to:

Matthew 5:32

But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.

and

Matthew 10:11-12

He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.”

It doesn't look like Jesus is giving an exception to get re-married here if your spouse cheated on you, it looks like He is just saying that you can get divorced, but warning that if you do get divorced, that getting re-married is adultery. I find support in this passage:

1 Corinthians 7:11

But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

Paul uses the phrase "reconciled to her husband" inferring that even in the case of divorce, the man is still considered her husband.

We know that adulterers have no place in the kingdom of God, so the question I raise is this: if you get re-married, is that a one-time "adultery" sin, or are you constantly in the sin of adultery until you get re-divorced? One might argue that the second divorce was no divorce at all, since Corinthians still refers to the first man as her "husband", so in God's eyes the two are still married. In that argument, the "re-divorce" would simply be the way to repent of the adultery.

The reason I don't think cheating is grounds to get divorced and re-married is this: Jesus uses the phrase "marital unfaithfulness". So, that means committing adultery, right? Well Jesus also said that if a man looks at a woman lustfully, he has committed adultery with her in his heart. So under that argument, most marriages would have a spiritual grounds for divorce before the couple even got to their honeymoon in the man's case, and maybe a little longer in the woman's case. And even if there was real physical cheating, aren't we called to instead forgive that kind of thing? We're Christ's bride, and how many times have we cheated on Him with so many things? And there's no way He'll ever divorce us, He just forgives us.

 

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

I first would like to make a comment about what AAA said in his above post.

You believe cheating is no grounds for a divorce. So then your scenerio would look something like this, Say a woman is cheating on her husband, he finds out confronts her, she admits it, but continues to cheat. In the bible it says a man and woman should not deprive each other except through mutual consent so they can devote themselves to prayer, but to come back together so neither can be tempted by satan. Clearly thats talking about sex.
So then according to that your still required to have sex with your spouse no matter if she/ he is cheating or not.
Your wife is having sex with who knows how many men and now according to the word your required to still sleep with her to. Your subjecting yourself to any and all kinds of STD's and possibly AIDS. Say your wife gets pregnant by another guy because shes sleeping around, well looks like your gonna be raising another mans baby.

Yeah you go on and keep forgiving your wife for cheating on you, while shes out there livin it up havin kid after kid that aint yours cause you think marital unfaithfulness is no grounds for divorce.

Get real.

 

[AAAPlus]

Nod,

That's quite an extreme and bizarre scenario you've concocted. You have quite the imagination. It's even more bizarre considering that we're talking about two believing Christians here. You'd think at that point that the woman would just do herself a favor and leave out of her own compulsion.

But yeah, THAT could be grounds for divorce.

 

[Nautilus]

Nod,

That's quite an extreme and bizarre scenario you've concocted. You have quite the imagination. It's even more bizarre considering that we're talking about two believing Christians here. You'd think at that point that the woman would just do herself a favor and leave out of her own compulsion.

But yeah, THAT could be grounds for divorce.

Lol, as if being a believing christian keeps people from messing up someone else's bed behind their spouses back.. Must be a nice reality you have. Not getting a divorce when someone cheats is crazy. Nod has it right. I mean if I were married and found out my wife was cheating, her head would spin with how quickly she and all her belonging s ended up in the front yard. Hopefully in the middle of a terrible rain storm, but I could make due with a light drizzle...

 

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

Nod,

That's quite an extreme and bizarre scenario you've concocted. You have quite the imagination. It's even more bizarre considering that we're talking about two believing Christians here. You'd think at that point that the woman would just do herself a favor and leave out of her own compulsion.

But yeah, THAT could be grounds for divorce.

Not bizarre at all, there are two couples in my church that have gone through that exact thing

 

[Jullianna]

Matthew 19:
8Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”</SPAN>
10The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”
11Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. 12For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriagec because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”</SPAN>

As to the question that is the title of this thread, I think Billy Graham answered it best:
"Two wrongs don't make a right."

I'm a widow, not a divorcee, but I will say that I would have NO problem marrying a man whose wife left him for another woman, whether anything of a sexual nature went on while his former wife was living with him or not. If she is with someone else now, you can pretty much bet it's going on now, which would, the way I read scripture, break the vows. To me, that man would be a victim and I would have no problem at all becoming his wife.

A lot of people smack divorced folks around, forgetting sometimes that the only difference between the divorced person's situation and most people who have had sexual relations outside of marriage is a formality. Would God forgive the fornicator who comes to him with a contrite heart and permit him/her to marry, but not permit the blameless husband/wife of an adulterer to do so? That game has a few pieces missing in my brain.

Let's let God forgive our past and have complete control and direction of our future. HE is the one with the answers. We are accountable to no one else.

 

[zaoman32]

AAA-So if adulterers go to hell wouldn't we all be screwed? If no sin is greater than another and all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God by that statement we are all doomed to an eternity in hell. I think not.

When we give our lives to God, God takes our lives, we are his and we are forgiven, we still sin, but just because we sin doesn't mean we are going to go to hell, that's what Jesus forgiveness is for.

Seoul-looking at the scriptures everyone else is taking one thing is made very clear to me, it all has to do with the issue of where the heart is at. God created marriage because it was supposed to be a beautiful thing shared by two people who loved each other and would spend their entire lives together. When one person defiles that they are an adulterer, and it seems, at least to me, that the party who had been left behind is not held guilty, and is able to move on if they so desire. What I find interesting is the verse Julianna added, Matthew 19:11-Jesus replied, &#8220;Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. Does this maybe suggest that it is a command given only to certain individuals with whom God speaks to? I don't know, but I do know people have a bad habit of taking what God spoke to them personally and thinking it's a requirement for all mankind, that's part of how we get bad interpretation and dissension among believers, but it's like it talks about in Romans 14 What's right for one person, may be wrong for someone else, what may be a sin for one person is not a sin for someone else.

Though I haven't seen it myself, so I don't know the validity of it, whether or not it's just his interpretation, there's a friend of mine who is a bible teacher who constantly speaks of a verse that says "there is nothing that can take you out of the Masters hand". It's his belief, and mine, that there is nothing so horrible that anyone can do that will make God throw us out of his forgiveness and grace make us burn, but the only way we can lose our place in Heaven is by knowingly and willfully rejecting and turning our backs on God's forgiveness.

 

[Jullianna]

***oops...I mean "his wife left him for another man"..though I realize women leave for other women too.

 

[Relena7]

I think we should keep our noses out of other peoples relationship histories and decisions...

We don't know their hearts. And if we act like we do when we don't, we can cause more harm than good. Even if we "mean well."

 

[abair]

i do not believe that divorce and remarry is sin

 

[dothackzero]

Hello everyone,

When the topic of Jesus' teaching on marriage and divorce come up, I always have the same questions and I'm interested in your thoughts. I like to ask because I learn from what others post and there are always Scriptures brought up that I've either overlooked or forgotten.

I am referring specifically to the teaching that in the case of divorce (unless the cause was adultery), the divorced person can never remarry or else they are committing adultery themselves.

1. Does that mean all currently remarried people should divorce their spouses and live as singles for the rest of their lives? For example, if your mother or father is remarried, should they immediately divorce your stepdad/stepmom?

2. Under this teaching, if you or someone else remaries, you are committing adultery and therefore, living in sin/willfully disobeying God. Does this mean you and/or the remarried people you know (such as your parents) will go to hell when they die?

3. If you know someone who is divorced and planning to remarry (such as your mom or dad), should you tell them they are not allowed to remarry?

These are things I think about for myself as well. I'm a bit of an oddball, the only divorced person in a family of long-married people, including my younger siblings. I wonder to myself, If my parents had divorced, would I have enough courage to tell them that they can't remarry?

And I think to myself as well, if I remarry, and God sees it as adultery, would I automatically go to hell when I die? My husband did have a girlfriend but I have no clear proof that they had an intimate relationship during that time (I never did get the full story--but assumedly, they liked each other while we were married and he left so that they could take their relationship further) so I am assuming that I would be classified as "Remarry=Adulterer."

I've heard plenty of sermons about this topic, but no one's ever given me clear answers. If Remarriage=Adultery=Sin=Loss of Salvation, I often wonder why I've never heard a sermon that says remarried people need to divorce now and live single or else they will go to hell. Is it because no one has the courage to say so?

I suppose that if my choices are Remarrying vs. Going to Hell, I would have to choose C--Feeling like I'm living in hell from loneliness, but trying my best to obey God's will and hopefully actually avoiding the real hell. And I wonder, when I talk to other divorced people, should I be telling them the same thing? ("Don't remarry or you'll go to hell!")

As I said, I'm interested in your thoughts and Scriptures that come to mind. Thanks in advance!

You're kinda forgeting that Jesus, died for ALL of our past, present, and future sins. So the sin of remarrying after devorce is already covered by Jesus, so it's not exactly something people have to worry about going to hell over. But with that said, it's importent to avoide divorce at all cost(mintus the extreme exceptions like an exteremly abusive husband.)

Basically it's already been covered by Jesus, so don't worry about it.

 

[seoulsearch]

Yes, Dot, I know Jesus died to forgive all sins. I was wondering though, what people thought as far as someone remarrying--if the sin is the divorce, or if staying married was then also a continuation of sin.

I also have to say I completely agree with Nod's post about staying with a cheating spouse and the very real, EVERYDAY (not bizarre at all) dangers people face because of it. I once spoke with a woman in one of my college classes who had fell in love, married, and found out (through the doctor's office) that her husband had AIDS (this is also rampant in countries and areas where prostitution is common).

The man knew full well he had AIDS when he married her. When she found out, all he said was, "You're going to leave me, aren't you?" He didn't care about anything except not being alone, which is why he married her. They had a child. The woman was describing the pure hell of not knowing if her baby would have AIDS or not.

Sorry to derail my own thread, but Nod brought up a point that is very REAL and NOT UNCOMMON AT ALL (several STD's are so common nowadays that doctors routinely test for them without asking).