Hi Ashkuhn.
He sounded like an emotionally unstable man; and this kind of person is emotionally (and can be physically) dangerous to his spouse. I once was in your shoes though it wasn't in a marriage setting, but I hope it can at least make you feel better that you're not alone in this world.
I loved him too so I stayed no matter how he abused me verbally and physically. I told myself that "Love is patient.... Love endures..." But when he finally punched me in my face (with several punches, that was), I finally stepped out. I still loved him then, but I knew I should protect myself too. So I cried out loud to God every single day, praying for myself, praying for him. At first I really thought I was being a coward for backing off and not showing the love God told us through the Bible.
For two weeks after that he kept on scolding me, calling me names, accusing me stuff, saying that I'm being ungrateful and it was all my fault for making him being like that (huh?). I stayed in silence. Only shouting to God when I felt emotional.
A month after that, he totally changed. He apologized deeply. Called me a hundred time in a day, for 5 days, until he caught me off guard when I went to my car. He dropped to his knees, sobbing and asking for my forgiveness. I could only tell him that I have forgiven him, and when he kept on asking me back (he apparently was still the same obsessive compulsive person), suddenly a sentence came out from my mouth, "Aren't you afraid of God?" And he was suddenly stunned and let me go. A week after that he texted me saying his gratitude for saying that one line. He realized how far he had left God and that he needed God.
IMHO, keep on praying and asking God on what you should do. Be strong not to fall into the temptations of thinking of revenge, or to fall in pity unless God has clearly told you to do so. I believe God is with you, and He never abandon anyone who comes to Him and cry for His help. You're in good hands
Thank you all for your advice.
Things are only getting worse so far.. He keeps getting mad at me because I won't go to bed with him at like 8:30 pm. I stay up until 9:30 or 10 and it infuriates him. He told me to leave last night. I told him alright. I said I needed some time to think things out anyway because I didn't feel like things were going right. I have kept trying to tell him how I feel but he won't acknowledge that he is wrong- I don't think he believes he is wrong.
So then he said he wanted a divorce and asked me what I wanted when we go to get it done. I just said what I already had and about 1/10th of what we have in savings. He freaked out and grabbed a gun and told me he was going to blow my brains out.. Then he realized what he was doing and apologized and begged me to stay.
Then- He opened up to me and told me about how empty he is inside and how he doesn't know how to change but I am the only thing he has and he needs me to get better..
So I am stuck at a crossroads. Because- what if he gets mad again and the black out lasts longer? Or what if he is being honest.. What if God wants me to help him out of this hole he is so deep down inside. I feel compassion for him and love him. But I am so tired of feeling hurt. I am so scared to have children with him..
Thanks to every who is repsonding to this. The advice is so helpful to me and I love you all and appreciate you being here.
