So how do you get past small talk to some of the bigger stuff with girls?

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dothackzero

dothackzero

Banned
#1
May 4, 2009
1,534
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#1
I'm mean I realised that I am interesting, but It's just that no girls ever want to take the time to get close enough to me or even want to get to know me on a deeper level. I mean, I can do the small stuff like hi, how are you doing? Actually that's about as far as I go as far small talk goes, and I really can't think of anything from there unless she starts to say something. But most girl really aren't doing really talking to me afterwards. I suck as a conversationalist. I just can't get them to talk about deeper stuff like their problems or God, I mean I'm learning stuff now that's good for edifying the body(Though I did realize that it's probably good way to make friends, but I can't really do that if girls aren't talking to me(BTW, the desire to help people came 1st, then idea that'll help making friends cames later)).

BTW, would a girl find a guy that's into this type of stuff to be interesting.

Anime
Video Games
God(Really shouldn't be under stuff, but I do enjoy learning more about him)
Science(Especally about stuff that's confermed in the Bible, or explains how God does stuff)
Sci-Fi/Sci-Fi Science(Time,Time travel, Paralell Universes, String threory)
Art(Though I mostly like super realistic stuff, anime, fantasy, and sci-fi stuff)
Music(Mostly various forms of Metal)
 
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wwjd_kilden

Guest
#2
#2
*grins*

Anime: I have Death note on my external hard drive, but I don't like the kind of anime that looks like cartoons for kids.
Video games: Sure, as long as they don't demand too much skills :p I recently rounded FF12
Science: I love stuff that has to do with nature and space
Sfi-fi: Fun, but I don't believe in parallel universes etc
Art; Depends
Metal: Of course! I've seen Opeth, In Flames, Gojira and LOG live.

so yeah, there are girls who like that stuff :)
 
chip

chip

Banned
#3
Aug 29, 2012
298
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#3
well there you go!
girls in Norway like your tastes!
LOL!

you might try inviting someone you are interested in, to some show or event that interests you and see if that leads to other conversations.....

i am horrible at meeting females, if i am interested in them even just a little. total stranger, no interest, i can be quite comfortable in conversation. otherwise it is all tongue tied.
 
R

River_W

Guest
#4
#4
Firstly, I've noticed that so many guys ask, "do girls like *insert activity/ hobby/ physical aspect of yourself here*" It's annoying. Of course you are going to find girls that either like or don't like those things! Every woman is different!

Personally, I enjoy everything you listed expect for metal music. My first roommate practically abhors everything you listed except for art. See? I wish some people would stop lumping women's interests into one category.

Next, if you wish to have a deeper conversation with a girl, make yourself open. Just let her know that you are a person who is willing to talk about X,Y, or Z, so if she ever feels comfortable enough to talk about it with you, she knows you will listen. Most people probably won't know that you would want to listen to their problems or talk about God if you don't extend an invitation. If you want to talk about God, bring up God. However awkward it may be, most people react in a positive way, and actually enjoy talking about spirituality.

If it helps, before you begin conversation with a woman, think about a few things you would like to talk about. If you run out of things to talk about, ask her to talk more about her interests. Find something you both are interested in. Anyone will talk at length about things that they really care about.
Remember, there are going to be awkward silences. That's okay! How "awkward" you feel in silence is a good way to measure how deep a relationship is.

Relationships aren't built in a day. Some girls are more willing to trust other people. Others just don't like to talk that much, and would rather listen to you talk. It's really a matter of finding someone who can compliment and respect your conversation style.

In Christ,
River
 
G

GreenNnice

Guest
#5
#5
^All.very good advice, dothackbuddyzerofriend :)

The Lord leads, time is of the essence, and, it's best when we wait on His essence, Christbro, keep spritually 'minding' your life more and more, AND, earthly minding it less and less. Scripture does say we are to set our sights on spiritual.things, like He in us, finding joy in His leading your life :)

Setting your heart on how His Spirit leads will be a pretty good delight to Him, I.guarantee it, and, that's the Truth ;)

” delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalms 37:4

_______)(_______
Okee, there's spiritual advice, and, here's practical, which spiritual too, if ya know what I mean :)

Go to church, THAT is where you want to meet a girl, she will in doctrine believe like you, hopefully, but, yeah, then, get to being yourself. TALK about the things of interest to you, and, I just about guarantee some girl.in a crowd of 'em yer talking to will LIKE what you're saying, even when the rest ofbthe girls are saying, 'this guy's more biring than babysitting my little sister.' Just saying, hopefully, all girls out there realize God's blessed you WITH a little sister to be a part of life with, way past the ootsey cootsie baby stage :)

So, dhnotazerobuddy, get it, got it? Goood. :) and, I highly suggest that you talk about your sci-fi in a 'supernatural sense of God, and, science, which is what you said already, you wznt to understand more ov 'God stuff.' Good. You do get it :)
 
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Nautilus

Nautilus

Senior Member
#6
Jun 29, 2012
6,488
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you just need confidence. Seriously. Everyone of your posts can basically be boiled down to a lack of self confidence. I dont know what it stems from, but do something to fix it. Work out, get a new haircut, see a psychiatrist, etc. Going beyond 'small talk' as you call it is simply asking a girl about herself, its rather simple, what she likes, where she is from, what she is doing with her life, etc. And you dont have to find a girl with the same interests, Sure its great to share somethings, but you'll soon realize that having your own things is nice at the same time. Like I want a girl with similar musical tastes and political views...I really dont care if they like football or the same movies, because those are things I like doing myself or with friends.
 
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oracle2world

Guest
#7
#7
A girl is more interested in a provider and protector then your hobbies or taste in music. (Why girls go for the "leader of the pack" bad boy - they will fight for their mate.)

Either you hit it off from the start (regardless of your interests), or you do not hit it off from the start (where it does not matter what your interests are). Small talk does not figure into this much. If a girl is into you, she will let you know unequivocally. So work on the "provider protector" stuff and less about video games.
 
Nautilus

Nautilus

Senior Member
#8
Jun 29, 2012
6,488
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#8
oracle2world said:
A girl is more interested in a provider and protector then your hobbies or taste in music. (Why girls go for the "leader of the pack" bad boy - they will fight for their mate.)

Either you hit it off from the start (regardless of your interests), or you do not hit it off from the start (where it does not matter what your interests are). Small talk does not figure into this much. If a girl is into you, she will let you know unequivocally. So work on the "provider protector" stuff and less about video games.
Click to expand...
Along those lines just do what i do, be 6'2'' and strong as all. Have a beard. Profit.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#9
Aug 2, 2009
24,580
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#9
Nautilus said:
you just need confidence. Seriously. Everyone of your posts can basically be boiled down to a lack of self confidence. I dont know what it stems from, but do something to fix it. Work out, get a new haircut, see a psychiatrist, etc. Going beyond 'small talk' as you call it is simply asking a girl about herself, its rather simple, what she likes, where she is from, what she is doing with her life, etc. And you dont have to find a girl with the same interests, Sure its great to share somethings, but you'll soon realize that having your own things is nice at the same time. Like I want a girl with similar musical tastes and political views...I really dont care if they like football or the same movies, because those are things I like doing myself or with friends.
Click to expand...
***BINGO!!!!***
 
dothackzero

dothackzero

Banned
#11
May 4, 2009
1,534
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Nautilus said:
you just need confidence. Seriously. Everyone of your posts can basically be boiled down to a lack of self confidence.
Click to expand...
Actually, I am listesing to sermons that'll help me with self confidence(er rather confidence in God that somehow shows up as self confidence). I do see the fact that it's working, but it's just not working as fast as I'd like it to be, and I'm just getting lonely while I'm waiting.

Btw, learning about learning about that our rightousness is on the same level as Jesus(Because of what Jesus did on the cross) and that our rightousness WILL NOT change no matter how good or bad we are, and also having the knowelege that God does not comdemn us for our mistakes. Both of these seem to be the key for a higher level of self confidence, well at least for Christians anyway. But it's still taking longer than I'm hoping for to have a real extreme effect on me...
 
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GreenNnice

Guest
#12
#12
dothackzero said:
Actually, I am listesing to sermons that'll help me with self confidence(er rather confidence in God that somehow shows up as self confidence). I do see the fact that it's working, but it's just not working as fast as I'd like it to be, and I'm just getting lonely while I'm waiting.

Btw, learning about learning about that our rightousness is on the same level as Jesus(Because of what Jesus did on the cross) and that our rightousness WILL NOT change no matter how good or bad we are, and also having the knowelege that God does not comdemn us for our mistakes. Both of these seem to be the key for a higher level of self confidence, well at least for Christians anyway. But it's still taking longer than I'm hoping for to have a real extreme effect on me...
Click to expand...
Ah, my dothackbuddyprinnydisageaefriendthreadingmorezndmore'Lord'intohislife, you are getting it.
Well done. Your computation of understanding your confidence in youself comes from Christ is in you is great 'imputation' of your life in Him, He in you, you in Him.

A suggestion I have too, is go to a 'Toastmasters' class, you would gain :)

May God continue to bless you, dh0less, as you strive to be ye perfect as He is perfect (yes, 'that' is in Scripture). The Lord leads. Follow Me ;)
 
taggerung

taggerung

Senior Member
#13
Apr 26, 2009
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#13
Anime-- I love death note, and Miyazaki films.
Video Games-- Nintendo fan girl here :)
Art-- I love fan art and cosplay.
Sci-fi-- do futuristic dystopian novels count?
Music-- country.

I concider myself not really a rare breed. So I would guess, dot hack, that you will find someone when it is time. Just remember, Gods firs priority is making you holy. And it is imperative that you prepare yourself for the right woman. (Spiritually,emotionally, and financially .) usually when you have your life in order, and are ready to serve a spouse, and honor them, things fall into place. :) I wish you luck dothack. :)
 
taggerung

taggerung

Senior Member
#14
Apr 26, 2009
219
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#14
Oops, I am a bit off topic, sorry. for me, a god topic to start with is asking about my dog, family, or favorite books. Because you can really branch off on those topics, and deeper. Also dothack, confidence is a tricky thing to obtain. Just remember God created you the way you are for a reason. A year ago, I barely spoke to ANYONE. I didn't talk at bible studies, never raised my hand in class, nothing. Didn't even really speak to my family. Then, my dad left. And suddenly I felt safe. I could walk around my house without him putting me down. I slowly opened up. Went to a new bible study, and talked about stuff I never talked about. Long story short, I gained confidence, by staying away from people who dragged me down, and getting my secrets out of the way, so I could essentially think "they know my past, and if they still like me, then they are
Safe to talk to ect." So yeah, just my experience :)
 
shawntc

shawntc

Senior Member
#15
May 7, 2010
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#15
I've found that there's a single question that is strangely powerful in sparking a conversation after the initial hellos:

"How's your day going/been?"

It seems so basic, but it's a good way to open a conversation, I think. You're giving them an opportunity to talk about themselves - who doesn't like that? If they just say somethin' along the lines of "Good," then you can figure they probably don't have much to say. However some people are more apt to go into more detail. If they do, you might discover there's a similarity between the two of you - you both went to the same store, witnessed the same event, have a shared interest, etc. Commonalities are good at making interpersonal connections. From there, conversation could just flow like normal.

But yeah, try to bulk up on some self-confidence. I could use a bit of that too. My self-esteem is good, but self-confidence in social interaction could use some improvement, I suppose.
 
AAAPlus

AAAPlus

Senior Member
#16
Aug 2, 2011
601
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#16
I wrote a whole article on this topic
 
dothackzero

dothackzero

Banned
#17
May 4, 2009
1,534
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#17
So yeah, I finally got a chance to spend some real time with a girl(about a hour, and things went well). I even got her phone number. ^_^
 
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