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Good day brothers and sisters....
First an introduction, I am a 22 year old guy from South Africa. I was raised in a very Christian home with rock solid principles and morals. I experienced God's power in my life in Matric (That's 12th Grade) and I was firm in my belief, but being far from home for my University years, I had backslid sooooooo far off course and it is STILL a battle for me to get back to how I was before, though I am trying.
Now to the crux of the matter. Like I said, I am 22 and I am basically in a relationship with an 18 year old girl who had twins in September 2011. The father has been absent from their lives for nearly 4 months now, and I love the twins so very much, I feel as though they are mine. I am now faced with the following challenges:
The father portrays an image of a devout Christian, he is adamant that God is his Savior and that he is living his life in such righteousness and faultlessness. God, forgive me for being judgmental of him, but I think that this is hypocritical. Am i wrong in saying that? Am I wrong for assuming a devout, Christian father should be the one to help raise, discipline guide his children to the ways of God? I know that not all relationships work out, but at the same time, should he not play a role? For the sake of his own soul and the souls of his children?
The second issue is the mother. Her and I have a history, in that we were meant to be be together a while ago, and things did not work out at the time, but recently, they have been working quite well. She sees me as a father figure to the kids. I love children and I am still a Virgin, and I have so many questions... I ask myself, will I be what these children need, being as young as I am, what about all the things I still wanted to do with my life? Do I forget my dreams and goals? What happens if things get serious, and we get married and have a child of our own? Will I still love the twins as much as I love my child? Will the mother share the excitement of the pregnancy, and the concept of becoming a parent with me because it isn't her first child? It is so very confusing! And frustrating. And to add insult to injury, I have spent time with the children, and pictures have been added to facebook, the father told the mother today "if that guy refers to the kids as if they are his, I am out" and the mother said to him "well, he loves the children the way you never have" ..... now I dunno, did I overstep some boundary? What can i do? because I feel trapped. I feel that now that the father is leaving the picture, I am going to HAVE to be the new father figure, I am going to HAVE to take that place in their lives, and I personally am not sure if I am ready for that, yet at the same time, I cant shake the feeling that I am here, in this situation for a particular purpose. It is all so daunting and I have tried praying about it, but I don't seem to be getting any answers, and because all these complications, I am beginning to question my love for this girl. i search for relationships where you GROW together, Spiritually, Emotionally and Physically, yet in this situation, I feel she has grown, and I need to rush to grow up to match her?
Lastly, I have an issue with my mother. She is a formidable woman who has been married to my father for 16 years. My father was married before and has 3 children from that marriage, and at the time of his divorce, the children saw my mother as the woman that broke up their home (which I assume is natural when children are that age and do not understand the dynamics of relationships). The men in my family have a history of promiscuity and sleeping around, so there is a possibility I have siblings I'm not even aware of. Now, taking this into account, my mother stayed married to my father. There were times when it was BAD between them, to the point of near divorce, with a lot of drama. Now my mother is SERIOUSLY against me pursuing a relationship with this girl, as she is afraid that the same drama that followed her all these years will be repeated in my relationship. I love my parents, and I want to uphold God's commandment of honouring my parents. Is it possible for me to still honour them, yet pursue a relationship I know my mother is against?
Please help, I would appreciate any and all insight.
First an introduction, I am a 22 year old guy from South Africa. I was raised in a very Christian home with rock solid principles and morals. I experienced God's power in my life in Matric (That's 12th Grade) and I was firm in my belief, but being far from home for my University years, I had backslid sooooooo far off course and it is STILL a battle for me to get back to how I was before, though I am trying.
Now to the crux of the matter. Like I said, I am 22 and I am basically in a relationship with an 18 year old girl who had twins in September 2011. The father has been absent from their lives for nearly 4 months now, and I love the twins so very much, I feel as though they are mine. I am now faced with the following challenges:
The father portrays an image of a devout Christian, he is adamant that God is his Savior and that he is living his life in such righteousness and faultlessness. God, forgive me for being judgmental of him, but I think that this is hypocritical. Am i wrong in saying that? Am I wrong for assuming a devout, Christian father should be the one to help raise, discipline guide his children to the ways of God? I know that not all relationships work out, but at the same time, should he not play a role? For the sake of his own soul and the souls of his children?
The second issue is the mother. Her and I have a history, in that we were meant to be be together a while ago, and things did not work out at the time, but recently, they have been working quite well. She sees me as a father figure to the kids. I love children and I am still a Virgin, and I have so many questions... I ask myself, will I be what these children need, being as young as I am, what about all the things I still wanted to do with my life? Do I forget my dreams and goals? What happens if things get serious, and we get married and have a child of our own? Will I still love the twins as much as I love my child? Will the mother share the excitement of the pregnancy, and the concept of becoming a parent with me because it isn't her first child? It is so very confusing! And frustrating. And to add insult to injury, I have spent time with the children, and pictures have been added to facebook, the father told the mother today "if that guy refers to the kids as if they are his, I am out" and the mother said to him "well, he loves the children the way you never have" ..... now I dunno, did I overstep some boundary? What can i do? because I feel trapped. I feel that now that the father is leaving the picture, I am going to HAVE to be the new father figure, I am going to HAVE to take that place in their lives, and I personally am not sure if I am ready for that, yet at the same time, I cant shake the feeling that I am here, in this situation for a particular purpose. It is all so daunting and I have tried praying about it, but I don't seem to be getting any answers, and because all these complications, I am beginning to question my love for this girl. i search for relationships where you GROW together, Spiritually, Emotionally and Physically, yet in this situation, I feel she has grown, and I need to rush to grow up to match her?
Lastly, I have an issue with my mother. She is a formidable woman who has been married to my father for 16 years. My father was married before and has 3 children from that marriage, and at the time of his divorce, the children saw my mother as the woman that broke up their home (which I assume is natural when children are that age and do not understand the dynamics of relationships). The men in my family have a history of promiscuity and sleeping around, so there is a possibility I have siblings I'm not even aware of. Now, taking this into account, my mother stayed married to my father. There were times when it was BAD between them, to the point of near divorce, with a lot of drama. Now my mother is SERIOUSLY against me pursuing a relationship with this girl, as she is afraid that the same drama that followed her all these years will be repeated in my relationship. I love my parents, and I want to uphold God's commandment of honouring my parents. Is it possible for me to still honour them, yet pursue a relationship I know my mother is against?
Please help, I would appreciate any and all insight.
