Sticky situation please ASAP

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
M

M527

Guest
#1
#1
Hi everyone! Ok so I'm 18 Senior in High School I live with my brother and his wife because my mother kicked me out for no good reason! Now my sister in law tells me everything that annoys her about her husband (my brother) like everyday right? Well over the weekend I find out that my brother went to the hospital for being to stress and was fighting with his wife (my sister in law) now they fight often & every time they do he always tells me that he's done & he's leaving & this time I was like oh my gosh my poor brother. Well when I go back home I question him about why he went to the hospital & what was up with him & his wife & he was like "oh I went to the hospital because I couldn't breathe at all & yeah we did get in a fight & after I was in the hospital I was packing up all of my stuff to leave I couldn't take it anymore" so I tell him I don't blame you if your stressing you this much to the point where you end up in the hospital well maybe you to shouldn't be together. I then go on to say "and you work so much and she just talks about you like you said last time and I just feel like by what you say she doesn't really love you by what she says about you" he totally agreed with me. And now today he comes back at me telling me "she does a lot for you & you sound like you don't even respect or appreciate her" and I'm like whoa wait what just happened?! Lol please help! Me I only have 4 more months here & then I'm in college but for the time being what should I say to them because he already my sister in law lies that he claims I said. I really need prayers.
 
maxwel

maxwel

Senior Member
#2
Apr 18, 2013
9,352
2,440
113
#2
There is really only one position you can take in another person's relationship...
and that is to stay out of it.

What you just experienced with your brother is common, and it will probably happen again and again.
You need to pray for them, be polite, and keep out of their relationship... even if that is painful.

There is no advice on any way you can "fix" this.
But what you CAN do is be wise, and prudent, and prayerful...
and we can pray for you as well.
 
JimJimmers

JimJimmers

Senior Member
#3
Apr 26, 2012
2,584
70
48
#3
My guess would be he told his wife what you told him, and she got mad, and that's why he came back at you that way. I will pray for you, but for everyone's good, try to stay neutral as much as you possibly can. Just try to stay out of it and be a positive force in the house. Love in Christ, -JIM
 
maxwel

maxwel

Senior Member
#4
Apr 18, 2013
9,352
2,440
113
#4
One more thing.

There are some very wise and mature Christian women around here.
It would probably help to talk to some of them privately for specific advice, fellowship, etc.
 
M

MissCris

Guest
#5
#5
^^^What they said. AND...

Don't let either one of them bring you into it anymore. It isn't any of your business, and you should tell them that whenever either of them say anything to you about their relationship. It doesn't matter if it's your brother, your friend, who ever- married people need to keep their problems to themselves, or within a counseling situation, at most.
 
B

BarlyGurl

Guest
#6
#6
Triangulated relationship.... stay out of it... find something else to do every time the conversation "smells" like it is going to turn into any marital relations discussion. Become the Queen of "oh I gotta.... GO!... and beat feet. Do not be drawn in you will end up the looser... you can do it for 4 months... chin up :)
 
A

Ariel82

Guest
#7
#7
I agree. the best thing is to stay out of the fighting. do NOT "pick sides" there is no winning sides, when married couples fight, they are both the losers.

If the wife continues to say bad things about your brother, either change the topic, find an excuse to leave, or STAND UP for your brother.

something as simple as "I really love my brother and I don't want to hear these bad things you have to say about him. If you have issues with him, then you need to talk to him about them.

I want your marriage to work but complaining about it to me or other people just allows Satan to drive a wedge of bitterness and unforgiveness between you two. God told us to be anger but NOT to let the sun set on our anger. Ephesians 4:26

therefore, you BOTH need to forgive each other and remember the things you love about one another, instead of the things that annoy and anger you. God is LOVE and love can overcome many things."

I would say the same thing if your brother complained. Remind them that they love each other and perhaps suggest ways to show each other that love: flowers, a date night, music, etc.

In the end it is their choice and prayer is the always a good thing.

I don't know if it will work, but that is what I would do.
 
M

M527

Guest
#8
#8
Thank you all so much I read all of THEM!!! I'm crying now because I just really needed that the only thing that's wrong also is that my sister in law is not a Christian & it's kind of hard
 
G

gb9

Senior Member
#9
Jan 18, 2011
11,735
6,319
113
#9
I got myself into a similar thing a long time ago. just pray for them and stay out of the way as much as you can. you will end up the loser if you try to get involved. been there done that.
 
A

Ariel82

Guest
#10
#10
M527 said:
Thank you all so much I read all of THEM!!! I'm crying now because I just really needed that the only thing that's wrong also is that my sister in law is not a Christian & it's kind of hard
Click to expand...
then you know that the Enemy is trying to use her to tear apart your brother. the best thing to do is keep them in prayer and try and see the good and loving things she has done for him and encourage her and him to do those loving things together.

make sure you thank her whenever she does something nice and goes out her way for you. Maybe get her some flowers or make her a thank you card or something to just brighten her day. I would include a couple Bible verses if you get a chance.

No matter what she says or how mean she gets. don't react in anger. just walk away and pray for her. Eventually God will work in her heart and allow her to see that you have something Different in you than the rest of the world. If you allow God's peace and joy to sustain you through your trials and her persecution of you and your brother, then perhaps she will turn from her actions and repent and find God.

You never know what kindness can do to the heart of an unbeliever.

If you see your brother down, remind him that you think he is wonderful and that you love him. Encourage him to pray with you and give his troubles to God. sometimes prayer and just listening is the best answer.

Don't let it mess up your own inner peace but if you are able, sometimes people need a ear to listen and a shoulder to cry upon.

you have to pray about it. if the person is just complaining and blaming the other person, I'd walk away. but often if you ask simple things like "do you love him?" "do you want this marriage to work?" "why did you get married in the first place?" "would you like to pray?"

it changes the person's heart and mind from complaining to praying to God for answers.

most unbelievers walk away when I ask if they would like to pray about the situation, but sometimes they are so broken and don't know where else to turn they say yes and God gives them peace.
 
sandtigeress

sandtigeress

Senior Member
#11
Apr 29, 2013
526
16
18
#11
It is difficult. Pray for them, and you might tell them you do.
I guess it is usefull, to stem the talking about each other a bit,
by doing something else with the one talking to you.

But I realy would make it clear, that you understand the person
talking to you, but can't really help. If possible advice them, to
talk to each other and/or a councelor.

It is difficult, to be quite and to not say: "yes he/she is like that",
But that always comes back around, because then you are
the "outsider" talking bad about the loved one.
And as you like them both, you would not do that in a normal
case anyway.
 
A

Ariel82

Guest
#12
#12
just because they are that way now doesn't mean God isn't able to change them for the better.
 
homwardbound

homwardbound

Senior Member
#13
Oct 24, 2012
15,003
105
63
#13
M527 said:
Hi everyone! Ok so I'm 18 Senior in High School I live with my brother and his wife because my mother kicked me out for no good reason! Now my sister in law tells me everything that annoys her about her husband (my brother) like everyday right? Well over the weekend I find out that my brother went to the hospital for being to stress and was fighting with his wife (my sister in law) now they fight often & every time they do he always tells me that he's done & he's leaving & this time I was like oh my gosh my poor brother. Well when I go back home I question him about why he went to the hospital & what was up with him & his wife & he was like "oh I went to the hospital because I couldn't breathe at all & yeah we did get in a fight & after I was in the hospital I was packing up all of my stuff to leave I couldn't take it anymore" so I tell him I don't blame you if your stressing you this much to the point where you end up in the hospital well maybe you to shouldn't be together. I then go on to say "and you work so much and she just talks about you like you said last time and I just feel like by what you say she doesn't really love you by what she says about you" he totally agreed with me. And now today he comes back at me telling me "she does a lot for you & you sound like you don't even respect or appreciate her" and I'm like whoa wait what just happened?! Lol please help! Me I only have 4 more months here & then I'm in college but for the time being what should I say to them because he already my sister in law lies that he claims I said. I really need prayers.
Click to expand...
You have been pulled into the battle for control. You are really a venting post,like a cat uses a cat scratcher to sharpen its claws. I say you are there and either just listen and do not get involced in feeling sorry for either one. It always takes two to tangle and you now have become the sratching post from both sides and are being treated badly over it. Had you just listened period, and not said anything about anything, thenwere could be nothing to come back against you.
So all I can say to you is apologize and say no more and if one comes to you take nothing personaland just let them vent. Usually when one does just this as they are yapping away, they get answers in themselves of what to do. I know this has happened to me , how about you?
 
M

M527

Guest
#14
#14
Well this morning my brother told me I have to leave his home in June even though I'm going to college in August this just seems so hard because now I don't see our relationship getting better
 
sandtigeress

sandtigeress

Senior Member
#15
Apr 29, 2013
526
16
18
#15
Will you have a place to stay between June and August ?
 
A

Ariel82

Guest
#16
#16
why don't you see if you can mend things with your mom?
 
M

MissCris

Guest
#17
#17
M527 said:
Well this morning my brother told me I have to leave his home in June even though I'm going to college in August this just seems so hard because now I don't see our relationship getting better
Click to expand...
Right now, from everything you've said, your brother really needs to focus on his marriage. I know it's hard for you, especially with having to find somewhere else to live and all, but you've gotta understand that married couples- especially when they hit a rough patch- need their privacy.

I really do hope you're able to find somewhere, though- honestly, it's probably better for everyone to get some space.
 
M

M527

Guest
#18
#18
Yes I have places to stay I have many family members. I too think that it would be better if I went my own way
 
homwardbound

homwardbound

Senior Member
#19
Oct 24, 2012
15,003
105
63
#19
M527 said:
Yes I have places to stay I have many family members. I too think that it would be better if I went my own way
Click to expand...
And all in all take this as a learning lesson and speak no bad of it to others in the family, rumors ahve a way of spreading and usually not for the good, be humble and trusting to our heavenly Father in Christ
Love you sis, your brother and sis on law all just as Christ has shown his love for all via the cross
 
You must log in or register to reply here.