Still Struggling with Sexual Fantasies

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L

leehop71

Guest
#1
#1
Hey all,

Brand new here. I'm 60 and have only been a Christian for 13 years. I've struggled with pornography ever since I was a child and my online role playing and cyber-sex came crashing down on my in April of 2001!

I thought my family life was over and that I'd end up alone, divorced, and my only child (son now 21) never speaking to me again, so I hit my knees and asked God into my life!

It has been a tremendous journey ever since. My wife honored her vows and forgave me and stuck with me, and my son did the same as well!

I will eventually post my testimony here, but now I'm looking for some common ground to deal with an issue I've struggled with all my life.

Through 12 steps and Christ in my life, I was able to walk away from pornography and 99% of all sexual immorality. Praise God!!

There is only one area of my life that I still struggle with and it is two specific fantasies that haunt me from time to time.

My mother gave birth to me when she was 17 and she has a sister who is only 14 months old than me.

Every since I was a child, I've had sexual fantasies about both mom and my aunt, particularly my aunt.

I assumed they would dissipate with age and especially becoming a Christian, but they have not!!

It's very frustrating and I really would like to overcome this somehow.

Yes I've prayed and prayed and it has helped some, but I even often have dreams about my aunt even though the dreams and fantasies always depict us as young adults, not the ages we are now!

Trying to play psychologist, I've often wondered if maybe the reason they seem to have hung on with me all this time, is because they are fantasies that I know would never ever come true, today, or even back when we were all younger and more susceptible. Somehow I feel safe having those because they could never become real???

If anyone struggles with anything similar, please PM me.

It's really the only deliberate sin that I struggle with as a Christ follower and would really like to put it behind me!

Thanks and God bless,

Lee
 
OrthodoxCatholic

OrthodoxCatholic

Banned
#2
Apr 19, 2013
99
0
0
#2
St. Nicodemos of the Holy Mountain wrote a "A Handbook of Spiritual Counsel" in this book he talks about guarding the senses. In regards to the senses of touch, sight and imagination (the sense of the mind) he says: We must not give into the senses they must be controlled.

Touch- We must restrict what we touch and avoid all unnecessary touching of ourselves (not restricted to sexual pleasure but also just touching your face of chest, arms ect as well as avoid scratching oneself (he compares this to the animals who scratch as they please)

Sight- when we see someone attractive we must see them as they are (flesh, bones, blood) in the case of those who make pornography we must see their flesh as is ther soul (i.e as rotting flesh since these sins rot the soul.

The imagination can be guarded by constant remembrance of Christ and what He did for us. This is in a nutshell if you want you could get the book yourself. Hope this helps; you are in my prayers and God bless.
 
kingerik

kingerik

Senior Member
#3
Sep 25, 2013
260
1
18
#3
OrthodoxCatholic said:
St. Nicodemos of the Holy Mountain wrote a "A Handbook of Spiritual Counsel" in this book he talks about guarding the senses. In regards to the senses of touch, sight and imagination (the sense of the mind) he says: We must not give into the senses they must be controlled.

Touch- We must restrict what we touch and avoid all unnecessary touching of ourselves (not restricted to sexual pleasure but also just touching your face of chest, arms ect as well as avoid scratching oneself (he compares this to the animals who scratch as they please)

Sight- when we see someone attractive we must see them as they are (flesh, bones, blood) in the case of those who make pornography we must see their flesh as is ther soul (i.e as rotting flesh since these sins rot the soul.

The imagination can be guarded by constant remembrance of Christ and what He did for us. This is in a nutshell if you want you could get the book yourself. Hope this helps; you are in my prayers and God bless.
Click to expand...

yeah, how about no. Yeah, it's going to be pretty hard to see my wife as flesh and bones :p. You're book sounds like How to be a robot 101, oh and God. How about no, hah, but I wished any man could see someone as flesh and bones...but I don't think it works like that...lol.

OP, I don't know everything, but I say that you really seek God in prayer and word study. Every one's different, so it could be something your entertaining or it could be a physiologically issue...but guess what...I know a man! His name is Jesus!
So you should definitely seek God first and foremost, and ask him to show you why you're having those thoughts, and to ask him to give you a mind of Christ.

You shouldn't think about it so much either. Dreams are reflection of what we think about, if you are always thinking about it then you'll dream about it as well. Maybe it's what you are listening to or watching that start the thoughts...you really should ask God, nobody knows you better.
 
John_agape

John_agape

Senior Member
#4
Feb 27, 2014
187
7
18
#4
Hi Lee. Trust God to lead you out of these feelings.

My own way out of being attracted to pornography was praying God would let me feel the sin in my desire. The result was that I sense a difference between:
Love and lust.
Attraction and lust.
Affection and lust.

I feel repelled by lust.

Then the meaning of the word "love" as we use it in the Western world causes confusion. We are to love our enemies, but that is very, very different to loving my wife.

I love my children, but that too is in a different way than my love for my wife. My love for my wife has many aspects, some are similar to my love for my children (affection, caring, protecting, supporting), but then there are other aspects that are only in my love for my wife.

There is affection, there is love without sex, and then there is sexual love. We should not mix these feelings up.

In Greek there are four words for different forms and aspects of love.

Maybe if, with God's guidance, you may become aware of what you actually feel; and separate love as affection, which is healthy, with love as lust, which is unhealthy. You can then move on to feeling healthy affection towards your mom and aunt.
 
B

brokenclay

Guest
#5
#5
Dear brother;
Satan and our sinful flesh hate exposure and rejection. Find a mature brother in Christ, and let it out.
Suffer some shame and once the Devil knows he can't isolate you or co-orce you with these thoughts,
He has no power over you. These lustful thoughts are not from the new man you became the moment you believed. Focus on scripture as well. Not as a superstition like religious people use scripture for. But to renew your mind in Christ.
The Holy Spirit of God regenerates us as well. Do some research in this area. There are fundemental doctrines the devil doesn't want you to know. Look it up. Do diligence and the Lord will greatly reward thee. In christ, Larry.
 
H

hattiebod

Guest
#6
#6
leehop71 said:
Hey all,

Brand new here. I'm 60 and have only been a Christian for 13 years. I've struggled with pornography ever since I was a child and my online role playing and cyber-sex came crashing down on my in April of 2001!

I thought my family life was over and that I'd end up alone, divorced, and my only child (son now 21) never speaking to me again, so I hit my knees and asked God into my life!

It has been a tremendous journey ever since. My wife honored her vows and forgave me and stuck with me, and my son did the same as well!

I will eventually post my testimony here, but now I'm looking for some common ground to deal with an issue I've struggled with all my life.

Through 12 steps and Christ in my life, I was able to walk away from pornography and 99% of all sexual immorality. Praise God!!

There is only one area of my life that I still struggle with and it is two specific fantasies that haunt me from time to time.

My mother gave birth to me when she was 17 and she has a sister who is only 14 months old than me.

Every since I was a child, I've had sexual fantasies about both mom and my aunt, particularly my aunt.

I assumed they would dissipate with age and especially becoming a Christian, but they have not!!

It's very frustrating and I really would like to overcome this somehow.

Yes I've prayed and prayed and it has helped some, but I even often have dreams about my aunt even though the dreams and fantasies always depict us as young adults, not the ages we are now!

Trying to play psychologist, I've often wondered if maybe the reason they seem to have hung on with me all this time, is because they are fantasies that I know would never ever come true, today, or even back when we were all younger and more susceptible. Somehow I feel safe having those because they could never become real???

If anyone struggles with anything similar, please PM me.

It's really the only deliberate sin that I struggle with as a Christ follower and would really like to put it behind me!

Thanks and God bless,

Lee
Click to expand...
you are free. Because Christ paid the price. End of..tough ? yeh!! as it was on the cross.
Live it.
Be free.
God Bless you & be free <><
 
OrthodoxCatholic

OrthodoxCatholic

Banned
#7
Apr 19, 2013
99
0
0
#7
kingerik said:
yeah, how about no. Yeah, it's going to be pretty hard to see my wife as flesh and bones :p. You're book sounds like How to be a robot 101, oh and God. How about no, hah, but I wished any man could see someone as flesh and bones...but I don't think it works like that...lol.

OP, I don't know everything, but I say that you really seek God in prayer and word study. Every one's different, so it could be something your entertaining or it could be a physiologically issue...but guess what...I know a man! His name is Jesus!
So you should definitely seek God first and foremost, and ask him to show you why you're having those thoughts, and to ask him to give you a mind of Christ.

You shouldn't think about it so much either. Dreams are reflection of what we think about, if you are always thinking about it then you'll dream about it as well. Maybe it's what you are listening to or watching that start the thoughts...you really should ask God, nobody knows you better.
Click to expand...
Well without control of his passions, he will get nowhere.
 
S

savedandIknowit

Senior Member
#8
Sep 26, 2013
138
0
16
#8
Have you tried to win your mother and your aunt to the Lord, Satans hold could be over them because they need the Lord,
My mother got saved recently and the hatred between me and her has discintergrated because God is helping us to forget. I can truly see the gentle mother that she is now
 
A

Annata

Banned
#9
Mar 25, 2014
79
0
0
#9
Primal urges like sex are the hardest to control. It's a very personal question, and I don't want an answer, but maybe your wife and you might like to try the things you wanted from other women?

I'm not being strange to be strange but it seems to me that people who look outside the marriage for a certain form of sexual gratification rarely think to look inside it. I don't think games and fun sex are a bad thing in the marital bed and as much as it might sound 'secular' I'd encourage any couple to explore it with one another and find out what works. I don't mean for your wife to be your aunt or something, just the mechanical aspects as it were.

Sorry, too familiar I know. But I thought it was valuable to say.

Another angle on this is that these sexual fantasies may be a case of 'think the worst thing you can think'. Do you ever get that moment at a funeral when someone cracks a joke and you know you ought not to laugh, and it just makes laughing all the more hard to resist?

I think it could be like that. It's probably the most socially unacceptable fantasy to have - to think of your mother or aunt like that, and perhaps the harder you try to 'force it out', the worse it becomes.

I once heard of a technique whereby a person simply lets the thoughts pass through the mind without resistance. Accept them in a way, as a viewer. You're simply viewing this thought and allowing it to register then pass. You don't need to focus on it to pull it out, nor do you need to grab it, cling to it or squeeze it, just let it continue on by.

Think of it as one in a continuous line of conscious thoughts and accept it for what it is. Let it go gently and easily pass on to the next thought. It is nothing to be ashamed of, rather a product of your mind and something that you view.

You're simply a conduit for the thought to go through, not clinging to it, not attached to it. It is just like one leaf in the wind in an autumn full of leaves.

The more we try to struggle against these thoughts, the more they persist. Learning to recognize them simply as moments that pass to the next, allows us to actually 'free' them and let go of them.

Does that make sense?
 
OrthodoxCatholic

OrthodoxCatholic

Banned
#11
Apr 19, 2013
99
0
0
#11
kingerik said:
Of course he couldn't...that's why we seek God and not our own devices...
Click to expand...
But I would like to ask a question to you:

If Salvation is from faith alone why then would he have to control his passions his faith alone with save him. Thus you are forming a contradiction by beliving faith alone and then agreeing that he will get nowhere if he does not control his passions (a part of theosis or deification)
 
kingerik

kingerik

Senior Member
#12
Sep 25, 2013
260
1
18
#12
OrthodoxCatholic said:
But I would like to ask a question to you:

If Salvation is from faith alone why then would he have to control his passions his faith alone with save him. Thus you are forming a contradiction by beliving faith alone and then agreeing that he will get nowhere if he does not control his passions (a part of theosis or deification)
Click to expand...
Oh boy... Salvation is by grace through faith.. Not just faith alone.

Personally, what advice you gave did not work for me...only through God's guidance, his will and not my own, and his wisdom was I able to overcome...not by not touching my face.
 
thecreationtutor

thecreationtutor

Senior Member
#13
Jun 30, 2011
2,521
35
0
#13
leehop71 said:
Hey all,

Brand new here. I'm 60 and have only been a Christian for 13 years. I've struggled with pornography ever since I was a child and my online role playing and cyber-sex came crashing down on my in April of 2001!

I thought my family life was over and that I'd end up alone, divorced, and my only child (son now 21) never speaking to me again, so I hit my knees and asked God into my life!

It has been a tremendous journey ever since. My wife honored her vows and forgave me and stuck with me, and my son did the same as well!

I will eventually post my testimony here, but now I'm looking for some common ground to deal with an issue I've struggled with all my life.

Through 12 steps and Christ in my life, I was able to walk away from pornography and 99% of all sexual immorality. Praise God!!

There is only one area of my life that I still struggle with and it is two specific fantasies that haunt me from time to time.

My mother gave birth to me when she was 17 and she has a sister who is only 14 months old than me.

Every since I was a child, I've had sexual fantasies about both mom and my aunt, particularly my aunt.

I assumed they would dissipate with age and especially becoming a Christian, but they have not!!

It's very frustrating and I really would like to overcome this somehow.

Yes I've prayed and prayed and it has helped some, but I even often have dreams about my aunt even though the dreams and fantasies always depict us as young adults, not the ages we are now!

Trying to play psychologist, I've often wondered if maybe the reason they seem to have hung on with me all this time, is because they are fantasies that I know would never ever come true, today, or even back when we were all younger and more susceptible. Somehow I feel safe having those because they could never become real???

If anyone struggles with anything similar, please PM me.

It's really the only deliberate sin that I struggle with as a Christ follower and would really like to put it behind me!

Thanks and God bless,

Lee
Click to expand...

-Taking thoughts captive is a must
-Not entertaining any type of fantasy
-Crisis - repentance
and
-process - fruits of repentance

This sin sends people to hell - you have to get after the Lord, fast/pray and seek Him until He grants you repentance
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#14
Jan 24, 2011
11,782
2,951
113
#14
Get an accountability partner in your church whom you trust to work with you. You have started the process by confessing it here, but you need someone in the real world to stand with you against this fantasy, which is a perversion.

As for losing your salvation, that is a lie from the devil! God saves, and keeps us, and he has promised never to leave or forsake us. We all have sin, but we daily turn from our sin. You are trying to find help, and I really rebuke the person who threatening you with hell, when you are trying to overcome this.

it can be done, just don't give up! God is for you!
 
T

tenderhearted

Guest
#15
#15
I have a family member who was delivered from pornography, but he still struggles with images from his past. He went to Christian therapy and was told that when you have been delivered from pornography the images go away to. His problem the therapist said is OCD Obsessive compulsive disorder. Many people seem to think that this means that you are constantly checking the door or that you obsess over things being in order. This is true for some people, but not all. It can also be your thought life- sexual fantasies or images. You may want to seek a Christian counselor and found out if this could be your issue too. If so, the counselor can work with you and give you strategies on how to cope with your thought life. You clearly don't want these thoughts but they keep coming at you. This situation isn't easy-- you have programmed your mind to think like this because of so many years of repetitively thinking the wrong things. With God's help and some counseling you can be healed from this. You don't have to live like this forever. Praying for you.:)
 
B

BeanieD

Guest
#16
#16
Hi, I have found in my own life that when thoughts enter my mind, ( not the same kind) I immediately start talking to God and ask Him to remove these thoughts from my mind. I replace them with songs that are truely uplifting, and just keep focused on God. It will take a while, but you will find that these things become fewer and less often. I listen to K-love which has a lot of music that is encouraging and uplifting, and sometimes will even hit the mark about where I am at the time. God bless
 
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