Strained relationships

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ArtsieSteph

ArtsieSteph

Senior Member
#1
Apr 1, 2014
6,194
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Arizona
#1
We all have relationships that sort of wane over time, and it's hard to keep up with them. Sometimes they fade because of stress, misunderstandings, butting heads, ect. For me it's my sister, and I'm not sure how to help things get better. We have really different personalities, and we just don't always get along or agree on the big stuff.

Does anyone have tips? Maybe just let her have space? Prayer?
 
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cmarieh

Guest
#2
#2
ArtsieSteph said:
We all have relationships that sort of wane over time, and it's hard to keep up with them. Sometimes they fade because of stress, misunderstandings, butting heads, ect. For me it's my sister, and I'm not sure how to help things get better. We have really different personalities, and we just don't always get along or agree on the big stuff.

Does anyone have tips? Maybe just let her have space? Prayer?
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I have been there and it is no easy task especially when you are so different. About two years ago, my sister ran off with a guy 16 years her senior and it has been very difficult. My question to you is has it always been this way? Does she believe in God? In my situation, it hasn't been until recently our relationship has gotten better. The turning point for us is when my grandpa passed away and we bonded in our grief. It took a really long time and I realized that we were a lot alike and because we were so much alike we conflicted a lot. My best tip is to pray for peace and pray for your sister so that you may get along. Is there something that you used to do that you both enjoyed? My sister and I enjoy going bowling and we most recently took a cake decorating class at a community college and we actually bonded during that time.
 
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Starduster

Guest
#3
#3
I have the exact same thing with my younger brother. We grew up liking the same things and we had lots in common, yet as he grew older other things influenced him and at this point you couldn't tell we are brothers.

It's a shame and I guess it's slightly different for others...we still talk often it's just our opinions and actions clash constantly.

I guess we can keep trying and talking with those who are drifting from us and keep that small link going until God can intervene and hopefully cause some form of resolve for us.

So keep communicating and keep praying!
 
ArtsieSteph

ArtsieSteph

Senior Member
#4
Apr 1, 2014
6,194
1,319
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Arizona
#4
cmarieh said:
I have been there and it is no easy task especially when you are so different. About two years ago, my sister ran off with a guy 16 years her senior and it has been very difficult. My question to you is has it always been this way? Does she believe in God? In my situation, it hasn't been until recently our relationship has gotten better. The turning point for us is when my grandpa passed away and we bonded in our grief. It took a really long time and I realized that we were a lot alike and because we were so much alike we conflicted a lot. My best tip is to pray for peace and pray for your sister so that you may get along. Is there something that you used to do that you both enjoyed? My sister and I enjoy going bowling and we most recently took a cake decorating class at a community college and we actually bonded during that time.
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She did believe in God, but I'm not sure what her stance is now. She's living with her boyfriend which my parents are 100% against (though they treat him and his family like family), and we've had serious fights in the past that still hurt. So it's....awkward.
 
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Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#5
#5
ArtsieSteph said:
We all have relationships that sort of wane over time, and it's hard to keep up with them. Sometimes they fade because of stress, misunderstandings, butting heads, ect. For me it's my sister, and I'm not sure how to help things get better. We have really different personalities, and we just don't always get along or agree on the big stuff.

Does anyone have tips? Maybe just let her have space? Prayer?
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Prayer is a given. :D

Honestly, if you have different personalities, i.e you don't 'click,' then perhaps you'll have to leave it at that. I'm not suggesting you become apathetic or indifferent towards her, of course, but rather, don't try to force it. Sorry to hear, though, that things are rough around the edges! Hopefully, at some point, you two can have a nice sister-to-sister chat and hone the relationship. :)
 
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cmarieh

Guest
#6
#6
ArtsieSteph said:
She did believe in God, but I'm not sure what her stance is now. She's living with her boyfriend which my parents are 100% against (though they treat him and his family like family), and we've had serious fights in the past that still hurt. So it's....awkward.
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Well one thing to remember is that the decisions she makes should not affect you, even though it is hard not to. One thing to remember is that we cannot hold grudges against someone even though it is easier to, we must learn to forgive others for hurting us in order for God to forgive us of our own wrongdoing. I would talk to your parents in how best to deal with this because they have forgiven her and it may show you ways how.
 
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Sirk

Guest
#7
#7
Start telling yourself every time you think of your sister that you love her.
 
Percepi

Percepi

Banned
#8
Feb 16, 2014
903
2
0
#8
Honestly, it's hard to recommend what you should do without knowing many of the details.

How often do you fight? What are the arguments about? Does it seem like certain things trigger the arguments such as having a bad day? Etc.
 
ArtsieSteph

ArtsieSteph

Senior Member
#9
Apr 1, 2014
6,194
1,319
113
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Arizona
#9
Percepi said:
Honestly, it's hard to recommend what you should do without knowing many of the details.

How often do you fight? What are the arguments about? Does it seem like certain things trigger the arguments such as having a bad day? Etc.
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Well with me and her it tends to be that my tendancy towards high-maintenance ness annoys her. Constantly talking, making a big deal out of small things, ect. And me being stubborn doesn't help. We don't fight all the time if we haven't seen eachother in a long time, but if we start hanging out more we end up getting on eachother's nerves. We had a fight once go to blows, that is the worst it's ever gotten.

I should clarify: Jenn is very intellectual and plan oriented, and doesn't like when her plans are messed with. She is also easily embarrassed. I am loosey goosey, emotional, and am a ham who loves being silly. So oil and water. XD
 
Roh_Chris

Roh_Chris

Senior Member
#12
Jun 15, 2014
4,728
58
48
#12
ArtsieSteph said:
We all have relationships that sort of wane over time, and it's hard to keep up with them. Sometimes they fade because of stress, misunderstandings, butting heads, ect. For me it's my sister, and I'm not sure how to help things get better. We have really different personalities, and we just don't always get along or agree on the big stuff.

Does anyone have tips? Maybe just let her have space? Prayer?
Click to expand...
I am sorry. I speak from the "other side of the river" because I have a strained relationship with some people in my life.

If I were in the place of your sister, I would expect you to -

1. Show that you are serious about mending the relationship - talk it out with me
2. Give me the space to come around

But remember that it takes two hands to clap. Any relationship requires equal commitment from both parties. Even if you initiate the mending, make sure that you wait for a similar reciprocation from her side. If she is not reciprocating even after a few months or years, leave the door open but don't act further on it. No matter what you do, don't forget to keep praying for her. :)
 
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Sirk

Guest
#15
#15
I find it good practice that when I find myself in conflict with somebody to take it to someone I trust and ask them to help me to figure out my role so that I can clean up my side of the street.
 
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