C
I've been with my husband for 5ys. It will be a year that we actually tied the knot in 2days. I love my husband very much. (Neither of us )believe in divorce. But I'm in so much pain...
Let me start this off so u can see why I am so torn. When I met my husband, We did not go to church read the bible, or had ever been baptized. we both knew the Lord and Savior from when we were younger but as we became adults we got caught up in things of the world. that when we met, out of the blew one day we decided to go to a new and upcoming church in town. from the minute we walked in God touched us and we found him again.....it had to been God leading us together and to actually seek him and begin a relationship with him as well.
the minute we were born again and baptized the devil was waiting.. On and off for the first 4yrs one of us or both was into drugs. Treating each other horrible. Verbally Tearing each other down. Breaking up and promising to change and follow with God. But just ending up hitting the same wall the devil had prepared.
During one of our rare good years we decided it was finally time to do what was right, and what we believed that God was leading us to get engaged. I amiditly got pregnant, and then what seems like the very next day I miscarried. I got so lost in my sorrows, and depression. I got extremely tired of being what seemed like to be the only one grieving, the only trying to stay normal without being mad at God. that I just gave up. Suffering from major depression. And since i no longer wanted to self medicate id wanted to die. without realizing That I had made the person I love so much miserable and unhappy that he went to find old lovers to supply what i wasnt doing. One day i got so tired of looking at a house that had nothing but death lies and unbelieveably unfaithfulness in it that I lefted him.
I Prayed on my own path to change, and grow as well as his. Too. Because I knew from before when I was in the word that only Jesus Christ can truly come and change him, and us. I thought I was being lead to another relationship. But it became clear quick that we did not share the same beliefs or love.
But God had his hand saving us the whole time!!! We randomly called each other the same day....long story short. The morning of us actually becoming husband and wife my husband said "as much as I love you, I can not go threw with this if you can not walk with God by me" and right then I knew Jesus had answered my prayers. We went from homeless druggies to fancy river boat man, & caring nurse in a what we felt was our mansion on a hill. From liars and thiefts to helping baptize.and praying over the new believers over night it seems. We could NOT HAVE GOTTEN THERE WITH OUR LORD SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST AND THE BLESSING OF THE AMAZING FELLOWSHIP AT OUR CHURCH. (THAT WAS THE TIME I KNEW GOD WAS THERE SHOWING US HIS HIGH WAS SO MUCH BETTER!!! DIDNT HAVE A COST, ONLY LOVE!! AND THAT NO MAN NO DEVIL COULD COME CLOSE TO RECREATING!!!!)
And then one day, there was a knock at the door from our past human desires....at first i fought so hard to resit and i told him to choose between our marriage or the old life style of the druggies we once were...thinking that our marriage, faith, home, and how good it felt to worship God whole heartily meaningfully not to mention being clean meant so much more than wasting away using drugs and darkest atmospher that comes with it. After that night it all changed. He became more verbal abusive than ever before, not to mention the countless times I've caught him up lies, cheating and threats of a divorce and separation. I just kept praying for answers, but not really wanting to hear them. That I began to question my faith, and just slowly let the darkness consume me....
I've tired everything. Supporting him if he needed rehab, but he's not "addicted". Suggested counseling but he rejects that. I've tired to get him moviated to go back to church, start praying, reading the word, but all I see is darkness looking back at me. I've tired loving him more, pushing family away he didnt get along w for he was my new family. I've even tired nothing.....when I look at him or hear things from his "friends" and my "family" he is not the person I fell in love with nor is he the person that stood under God vowing those truly sacred vows.....(right now I can hear him dogging me and telling his "boys" about our latest fight we had....)
right now as I type this I'm staring at my car keys. I have been praying on this every night. Every time I hear...."you're time here is done. You cannot find or seek me here anymore".......
I need advice...I truly love my husband. He's the only man I've ever wanted to be with....the one I prayed for...the only one Ive created life with, the only man I've experienced the best memories with, the only man that's truly known my deepest sorrows.....the man I vowed vows to under God...the man that helped, taught me, walked with me into experiencing the goodness, the greatness, the mercifulness, wonderfulness of Jesus Christ.....and the answer to my prayers is move on let me help you out of this pit before the love you have for me is lost in a dark man, instead of me your Father, Savior, true husband, lover, the one who already went threw this pain so you wouldn't have to Jesus Christ....
And still knowing all of that can't help but think divorce is not only breaking the vowls with the man I love and breaking them with God as well??
Let me start this off so u can see why I am so torn. When I met my husband, We did not go to church read the bible, or had ever been baptized. we both knew the Lord and Savior from when we were younger but as we became adults we got caught up in things of the world. that when we met, out of the blew one day we decided to go to a new and upcoming church in town. from the minute we walked in God touched us and we found him again.....it had to been God leading us together and to actually seek him and begin a relationship with him as well.
the minute we were born again and baptized the devil was waiting.. On and off for the first 4yrs one of us or both was into drugs. Treating each other horrible. Verbally Tearing each other down. Breaking up and promising to change and follow with God. But just ending up hitting the same wall the devil had prepared.
During one of our rare good years we decided it was finally time to do what was right, and what we believed that God was leading us to get engaged. I amiditly got pregnant, and then what seems like the very next day I miscarried. I got so lost in my sorrows, and depression. I got extremely tired of being what seemed like to be the only one grieving, the only trying to stay normal without being mad at God. that I just gave up. Suffering from major depression. And since i no longer wanted to self medicate id wanted to die. without realizing That I had made the person I love so much miserable and unhappy that he went to find old lovers to supply what i wasnt doing. One day i got so tired of looking at a house that had nothing but death lies and unbelieveably unfaithfulness in it that I lefted him.
I Prayed on my own path to change, and grow as well as his. Too. Because I knew from before when I was in the word that only Jesus Christ can truly come and change him, and us. I thought I was being lead to another relationship. But it became clear quick that we did not share the same beliefs or love.
But God had his hand saving us the whole time!!! We randomly called each other the same day....long story short. The morning of us actually becoming husband and wife my husband said "as much as I love you, I can not go threw with this if you can not walk with God by me" and right then I knew Jesus had answered my prayers. We went from homeless druggies to fancy river boat man, & caring nurse in a what we felt was our mansion on a hill. From liars and thiefts to helping baptize.and praying over the new believers over night it seems. We could NOT HAVE GOTTEN THERE WITH OUR LORD SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST AND THE BLESSING OF THE AMAZING FELLOWSHIP AT OUR CHURCH. (THAT WAS THE TIME I KNEW GOD WAS THERE SHOWING US HIS HIGH WAS SO MUCH BETTER!!! DIDNT HAVE A COST, ONLY LOVE!! AND THAT NO MAN NO DEVIL COULD COME CLOSE TO RECREATING!!!!)
And then one day, there was a knock at the door from our past human desires....at first i fought so hard to resit and i told him to choose between our marriage or the old life style of the druggies we once were...thinking that our marriage, faith, home, and how good it felt to worship God whole heartily meaningfully not to mention being clean meant so much more than wasting away using drugs and darkest atmospher that comes with it. After that night it all changed. He became more verbal abusive than ever before, not to mention the countless times I've caught him up lies, cheating and threats of a divorce and separation. I just kept praying for answers, but not really wanting to hear them. That I began to question my faith, and just slowly let the darkness consume me....
I've tired everything. Supporting him if he needed rehab, but he's not "addicted". Suggested counseling but he rejects that. I've tired to get him moviated to go back to church, start praying, reading the word, but all I see is darkness looking back at me. I've tired loving him more, pushing family away he didnt get along w for he was my new family. I've even tired nothing.....when I look at him or hear things from his "friends" and my "family" he is not the person I fell in love with nor is he the person that stood under God vowing those truly sacred vows.....(right now I can hear him dogging me and telling his "boys" about our latest fight we had....)
right now as I type this I'm staring at my car keys. I have been praying on this every night. Every time I hear...."you're time here is done. You cannot find or seek me here anymore".......
I need advice...I truly love my husband. He's the only man I've ever wanted to be with....the one I prayed for...the only one Ive created life with, the only man I've experienced the best memories with, the only man that's truly known my deepest sorrows.....the man I vowed vows to under God...the man that helped, taught me, walked with me into experiencing the goodness, the greatness, the mercifulness, wonderfulness of Jesus Christ.....and the answer to my prayers is move on let me help you out of this pit before the love you have for me is lost in a dark man, instead of me your Father, Savior, true husband, lover, the one who already went threw this pain so you wouldn't have to Jesus Christ....
And still knowing all of that can't help but think divorce is not only breaking the vowls with the man I love and breaking them with God as well??
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