teen pregnancy disaster, please help

[JakeM]

hey im new here and this is my first post,
At the age of 17 i wasn't living for god, i met a girl and in one day we were dating. Two months later she was pregnant, or so i thought. I just learned about a month ago that she lied to me about the pregnancy and told me she was pregnant, i truly believed that she was pregnant and after that point i quit using protection. Sure enough she really ended up getting pregnant. After she was really pregnant and i actually saw the first positive pregnancy test she cheated on me! i was absolutely devastated and she begged me not to leave her, i mean begged. i really didnt want to abandon her either, it was my duty to help her raise that child, we ended up staying together and i spent 9 months being her slave. she seriously took advantage of me and i gave her anything she wanted.

I was miserable.. i went to an alternative school and finished high school early so i could work full time. While she dropped out. We ended up having the baby and moved out of our parents together. I just turned 18 and already had a newborn and my own apartment. i went to college and worked full time to support my family while she worked as a host and made about 100$ a month. i paid all the bills(well we had food stamps to help) and put in a total of 30hrs in school a week and 35 hrs at work per week. i was extremely jealous because i busted my rear while she stayed home and hung out with her friends we ended up only living in the apartment for 4 months in the end we got in a huge fight!

I was so upset/stressed out i quit my job because everybody was making fun of me because i kept messing up and asking for help and nobody would help me(olive garden friday night STRESSFUL) i took my daughter to her parents house everyday like normal but asked her parents to watch her for that night because we were in a fight. I end up going home and before i even walked in my front door she was outside waiting and slapped me across the face right in front of the apartment security guard. He called the cops and they were going to take her to jail but i pleaded with them not too so they didnt. Later that night while i was trying to sleep, she woke me up to continue the fight the security guard heard the yelling so he called the police again.. after getting them to leave again we finally went to sleep... immediately when i woke up she decided to start the fight all over again. she took my keys away from me so i just started walking away trying to leave, just walkaway, the neighbors saw her yelling in my face so they callled the cops again. this time they just arrested both of us. i didnt do ANYTHING but i had to spend 1 day in my city jail, then 3 days in oklahoma county jail(3 days minimum any domestic) while she only went to juvy for 3 days... i got my charges dropped right after i got out and she didnt.

She ended up begging me to forgive her... I did.. and she helped pay my bond to get out of jail, but after she ended up telling me that dhs was going to take our daughter away because we were unfit to raise her(LIE) i believed her and she told me we had to go to court so her parents could take temporary custody our daughter and that i should just agree to everything. (remember i was 18 at the time and she was only 17) i was tricked into agreeing to all these special guidelines before i could regain custody (take anger management classes, parenting, have your own place for at least 6months, have a stable job for 6months, etc.)

Soon after we end up breaking up. she goes back and lives with her parents (where our daughter lives) and i move in with my dad. my daughter will be 2 years old in june and i only got two raise her the first four months of her life. My ex has spent every single day with her daughter, but i have to pay 60$ an hour to visit her through dhs. SHe has truly ruined my life. I missed my daughter so much and my world was falling apart. I ended up getting so depressed i started doing drugs, and the really bad kind. i got so addicted to drowning out the real world i almost died.

When i almost died i truly had a revelation from god. I have seriously turned my life over to my savior since then, and i'm starting to live my life better, happier, and honest. i didnt know this kind of happiness existed until i truly found god and its really amazing. but i am still caught up in the huge custody case. I swear to you that everything in this post is true. And im not trying to throw this woman under the bus, i have actually prayed that god blesses her. She has gotten away with everything she has done to me and i am left without my daughter. I pray every night that god watches over my daughter when i am unable to. I dont understand why this has happened to me.

Ever since i have turned my life over to god, my life has gotten extremely better, but im starting to get really depressed because my ex is starting to attack me again. Since im a christian now, i choose to not hangout with bad influences and have found myself with no friends, only my family. I get really lonely and the only time im at peace is when i pray. i talk to god like hes my best friend and he always makes me smile like right now lol.

But i guess this is me reaching out for help, advice, or just somebody to talk too.. im sorry this is so long i just really needed to explain the full story.

Again this is my first post so i don't know if your just supposed to private message me or just reply to this.

 

[Spokenpassage]

Welcome to CC first off

Your story seems quite painful, but in the end you found the greater love that surpasses all kinds of troubles. I'll keep you in my prayers. If you need someone to talk to you can just PM me whenever you like. I don't really have any advice but to keep going strong for the Lord and don't turn back!

 

[JDecree]

Hi Jake, welcome to CC

That is a difficult series of events for sure, and at such a young age too. I'm sure you'll get lots of good advice and fellowship here. Lots of folks who have survived similar things.

May God bless you

 

[oldernotwiser]

i seem to have to keep repeating myself in these posts. find first of all a christian counselor. not a pastor who counsels but a trained licensed counselor. then i think you will need to look into legal assistance. i'm praying for you

 

[JakeM]

i seem to have to keep repeating myself in these posts. find first of all a christian counselor. not a pastor who counsels but a trained licensed counselor. then i think you will need to look into legal assistance. i'm praying for you

Hey oldernotwiser,
Thanks for the advise, theres a very good point, im going to look for christian counselors in my area tomorrow.
And i do appreciate you keeping me in your prayers
God Bless

 

[TheAristocat]

That woman sounds like she has some real insecurity issues, a lack of self-control and self-esteem. All you can do is keep praying for her and your daughter. Taking some sort of legal action to be able to see your daughter again at least from time to time would be wise if she refuses to let you see your daughter.

It sounds like Satan really wanted you dead. But I guess God is winning. Too bad for Satan, huh?

 

[MrsRobinson]

Wow, things haven't been easy for you, but it's amazing to see how God along can rescue! Of course I have no advice.. I'm not really good at that, but I do want to welcome you to cc. I hope that in here you will be able to make some good solid connections with people who will hold you up when things are rough (which I'm guess you'll have quite the road ahead of you).
Thanks for sharing where you've been and where you're at right now. I love how your story really brings glory to God and I pray that as He carries you through caring and raising your daughter, He will continue to be glorified through your life! Take care

 

[JimJimmers]

God bless you, Jake. I think these folks have given you some good advice and encouragement, I just want to add that your ex-girlfriend is a classic abuser. Too often people think of abusers only as men who beat up women. I mention this only because I want you to be strong and recognize it in any future relationships. Also, DO NOT TAKE HER BACK! Unless she also gives her life to Jesus. The work that was done in you can be done in her also, but you must MUST see evidence of that before you think of such a thing.

 

[JakeM]

God bless you, Jake. I think these folks have given you some good advice and encouragement, I just want to add that your ex-girlfriend is a classic abuser. Too often people think of abusers only as men who beat up women. I mention this only because I want you to be strong and recognize it in any future relationships. Also, DO NOT TAKE HER BACK! Unless she also gives her life to Jesus. The work that was done in you can be done in her also, but you must MUST see evidence of that before you think of such a thing.

Thanks for the reply
I should also add that after i had my revelation from god (end of november) i did get back in touch with her. i thought that it would be a good idea to have her support to help stay sober. i did talk to her about my new found love for god, and i really felt like i got to her. she would pray with me, she really changed and i truly thought that she had been saved and beceame a different person. we went to church together. I honestly thought that she was a better person and we could work out our relationship with the help of god.

But she started to act funny emails and a facebook request from her ex boyfriend(same guy she cheated on me with the first time). i started to get suspicious. she started to act really mean to me again, for example she would throw her phone on my lap and say "charge it". or she would beg me to buy her unnecessary expensive items. The last day we were together she through her keys at my back and said your driving. I told her to loose the attitude and we got in a huge fight. we yelled at each other and she ended up calling the cops and they came over to help her get her stuff and leave. I told the police that she still had a key to my house but she apparently hid the key and told them she didnt have it. the next day while i was at school and nobody was home she went to my house and stole alot of things from me. she goes to the same school as me and didnt show up for class. i accused her of breaking into my house and she flipped out! said she was going to sue me.

Yesterday morning i got served by a sheriff, she filed a vpo against me saying that i slammed her face into the door, and i kicked her on the ground!!! i swear i didnt do any of these things (remember the police came to help her get her things if they saw any bruising on her or any sign of physical abuse i would of been arrested regardless) i now have to go to court and defend myself against these accusations. i plan on going and getting a copy of the police report to help defend myself. Her parents told my parents that she did have bruises on her( she had to of done them to herself!!!) in the back of my mind i know i should be okay because of the police report, (again she has a domestic abuse charge and i dont)

But her parents also told my parents that the vpo is only the start of what shes planning and its about to get really ugly.
This is really stressing me out and i know from the past that she has always tried to ruin my life.
I know it was a hard lesson to learn but i assure you now that I WILL STAY AS FAR AWAY FROM HER AS I CAN.
Im also worried about how my daughter will be raised by this spitefull woman.
I still pray that god will remind her of how a christian should act. if she really accepted christ like she said she did why is she acting like this still!?

 

[JimJimmers]

She possibly only said she accepted Christ in order to manipulate, or maybe she just has very deep psychological problems that will take much prayer and surrender on her part to overcome. I don't know which one, obviously, but be careful out there. I'll say a prayer for you, brother.

 

[JakeM]

She possibly only said she accepted Christ in order to manipulate, or maybe she just has very deep psychological problems that will take much prayer and surrender on her part to overcome. I don't know which one, obviously, but be careful out there. I'll say a prayer for you, brother.

I thought about that a couple times, as far as my experience with this girl in the past she is definitely very manipulative. It makes me very sad to think that she could just lie to me about accepting Christ just to manipulate. i do pray for her still that she is reminded of everything that i taught her, and that she makes the right decisions in the future. But i dont know if i should focus more on praying for her or for my own situation. I do pray for myself but i try to focus more on praying for other people and thanking god for what he has blessed me with sofar. I try to always remember that god already has his plan for me so i get that feeling if i pray for my own life then its just like asking an artist "will you paint faster?".

Is this right or should i focus more on my own life?

 

[JakeM]

I thought about that a couple times, as far as my experience with this girl in the past she is definitely very manipulative. It makes me very sad to think that she could just lie to me about accepting Christ just to manipulate. i do pray for her still that she is reminded of everything that i taught her, and that she makes the right decisions in the future. But i dont know if i should focus more on praying for her or for my own situation. I do pray for myself but i try to focus more on praying for other people and thanking god for what he has blessed me with sofar. I try to always remember that god already has his plan for me so i get that feeling if i pray for my own life then its just like asking an artist "will you paint faster?".

Is this right or should i focus more on my own life?

Btw this isnt saying that i dont pray for myself at all i just focus more on other things rather than only my self.

 

[TheAristocat]

I know it was a hard lesson to learn but i assure you now that I WILL STAY AS FAR AWAY FROM HER AS I CAN.

Next time you're near her try expelling any demon in her? That's my best shot in the dark. Think I'm kidding? Out of curiosity I'd try it. But that's me.

Seems really odd she is this way, though. I almost got entangled with a woman similar to this. Quite a bit more mellow, but still very manipulative. It is true, you do wonder what's going through their heads. Or what it's like to be them and what they think about it. I honestly don't get these people.

 

[JimJimmers]

I thought about that a couple times, as far as my experience with this girl in the past she is definitely very manipulative. It makes me very sad to think that she could just lie to me about accepting Christ just to manipulate. i do pray for her still that she is reminded of everything that i taught her, and that she makes the right decisions in the future. But i dont know if i should focus more on praying for her or for my own situation. I do pray for myself but i try to focus more on praying for other people and thanking god for what he has blessed me with sofar. I try to always remember that god already has his plan for me so i get that feeling if i pray for my own life then its just like asking an artist "will you paint faster?".

Is this right or should i focus more on my own life?

There aren't any hard and fast rules on how to pray, but I suggest you pray for God's perfect will on both of your lives. You never know what it might take to get her attention, so just give it all to Him, is my thought.

 

[JakeM]

Next time you're near her try expelling any demon in her? That's my best shot in the dark. Think I'm kidding? Out of curiosity I'd try it. But that's me.

Seems really odd she is this way, though. I almost got entangled with a woman similar to this. Quite a bit more mellow, but still very manipulative. It is true, you do wonder what's going through their heads. Or what it's like to be them and what they think about it. I honestly don't get these people.

I have tried to cast out demons in her life with her present before we split up. I believe that she may have a strong generational spirit effecting her life. But i do recall her telling me that she used to be fascinated with Ouija boards when she was younger she tried to do it with me once right when we first met but i really thought it was stupid, and i never heard of doing it ever again. But now that were no longer together and im dealing with a court situation with her right now i think i will listen to the advice i have been given sofar and have little to do with her as possible.(besides praying for her) But The fact that my daughter is being raised by this woman really scares me! will she be taught to hate me all her life? will she be told horrible lies about me? what if she hates me because im unable to be around??

 

[blue_ladybug]

hey im new here and this is my first post,
At the age of 17 i wasn't living for god, i met a girl and in one day we were dating. Two months later she was pregnant, or so i thought. I just learned about a month ago that she lied to me about the pregnancy and told me she was pregnant, i truly believed that she was pregnant and after that point i quit using protection. Sure enough she really ended up getting pregnant. After she was really pregnant and i actually saw the first positive pregnancy test she cheated on me! i was absolutely devastated and she begged me not to leave her, i mean begged. i really didnt want to abandon her either, it was my duty to help her raise that child, we ended up staying together and i spent 9 months being her slave. she seriously took advantage of me and i gave her anything she wanted.

I was miserable.. i went to an alternative school and finished high school early so i could work full time. While she dropped out. We ended up having the baby and moved out of our parents together. I just turned 18 and already had a newborn and my own apartment. i went to college and worked full time to support my family while she worked as a host and made about 100$ a month. i paid all the bills(well we had food stamps to help) and put in a total of 30hrs in school a week and 35 hrs at work per week. i was extremely jealous because i busted my rear while she stayed home and hung out with her friends we ended up only living in the apartment for 4 months in the end we got in a huge fight!

I was so upset/stressed out i quit my job because everybody was making fun of me because i kept messing up and asking for help and nobody would help me(olive garden friday night STRESSFUL) i took my daughter to her parents house everyday like normal but asked her parents to watch her for that night because we were in a fight. I end up going home and before i even walked in my front door she was outside waiting and slapped me across the face right in front of the apartment security guard. He called the cops and they were going to take her to jail but i pleaded with them not too so they didnt. Later that night while i was trying to sleep, she woke me up to continue the fight the security guard heard the yelling so he called the police again.. after getting them to leave again we finally went to sleep... immediately when i woke up she decided to start the fight all over again. she took my keys away from me so i just started walking away trying to leave, just walkaway, the neighbors saw her yelling in my face so they callled the cops again. this time they just arrested both of us. i didnt do ANYTHING but i had to spend 1 day in my city jail, then 3 days in oklahoma county jail(3 days minimum any domestic) while she only went to juvy for 3 days... i got my charges dropped right after i got out and she didnt.

She ended up begging me to forgive her... I did.. and she helped pay my bond to get out of jail, but after she ended up telling me that dhs was going to take our daughter away because we were unfit to raise her(LIE) i believed her and she told me we had to go to court so her parents could take temporary custody our daughter and that i should just agree to everything. (remember i was 18 at the time and she was only 17) i was tricked into agreeing to all these special guidelines before i could regain custody (take anger management classes, parenting, have your own place for at least 6months, have a stable job for 6months, etc.)

Soon after we end up breaking up. she goes back and lives with her parents (where our daughter lives) and i move in with my dad. my daughter will be 2 years old in june and i only got two raise her the first four months of her life. My ex has spent every single day with her daughter, but i have to pay 60$ an hour to visit her through dhs. SHe has truly ruined my life. I missed my daughter so much and my world was falling apart. I ended up getting so depressed i started doing drugs, and the really bad kind. i got so addicted to drowning out the real world i almost died.

When i almost died i truly had a revelation from god. I have seriously turned my life over to my savior since then, and i'm starting to live my life better, happier, and honest. i didnt know this kind of happiness existed until i truly found god and its really amazing. but i am still caught up in the huge custody case. I swear to you that everything in this post is true. And im not trying to throw this woman under the bus, i have actually prayed that god blesses her. She has gotten away with everything she has done to me and i am left without my daughter. I pray every night that god watches over my daughter when i am unable to. I dont understand why this has happened to me.

Ever since i have turned my life over to god, my life has gotten extremely better, but im starting to get really depressed because my ex is starting to attack me again. Since im a christian now, i choose to not hangout with bad influences and have found myself with no friends, only my family. I get really lonely and the only time im at peace is when i pray. i talk to god like hes my best friend and he always makes me smile like right now lol.

But i guess this is me reaching out for help, advice, or just somebody to talk too.. im sorry this is so long i just really needed to explain the full story.

Again this is my first post so i don't know if your just supposed to private message me or just reply to this.

JakeM, I have never heard of parents having to pay money per hour through dhs to see their kids..Something is wrong there. I would ask DHS why you have to pay. Sounds like you're being taken advantage of by them. I am glad you found Jesus.

 

[JakeM]

JakeM, I have never heard of parents having to pay money per hour through dhs to see their kids..Something is wrong there. I would ask DHS why you have to pay. Sounds like you're being taken advantage of by them. I am glad you found Jesus.

Hey i havent ever used dhs for visitation, i cant afford it. i only ever get to see her if the mother is willing

 

[theneko]

I don't know what to say, save that if you need a shoulder to lean on pm me, though I haunt been in your situation I know that government bodies oft mis handle things involving children

 

[jogoldie]

Oh how you have seen the worst...now you need to give this to God and back off..concentrate on your walk..put your child in Gods hands...this baby will know your her father and you will have her in your life..dont let revenge or getting her back consume you..love the people who hurt you..pray for her..Trust God ..I am praying for you and your llittle family..please focus on God and HE will fix this for you..please dont let these lessons you have learned be for nothing...my child passed away when he was 6..I would give anything to see him again..so treasure those little moments that you do have with baby girl and thank HIM for even those small moments...dont let them steal your joy...im here if you need me...