Dear Piper, Just a few thoughts from an older woman to a young woman (hope u don't mind) :
Time is a good thing to invest in. It's been my experience that rushing is not a good idea. I made lots of mistakes because i wanted to find closure-answers right away. When we are so hurt and emotional, we don't make very good choices. rebounding was - to my shock - a very easy thing to do. I didn't even know i was doing that. "Fools rush in where angels fear to tread" I read that some where. It was surely true in my case as I look back.
Keep your life as usual and familiar as you can during these times of hurt in your marriage. I wish I had taken the time to stay put and keep life as usual as possible. It takes time to catch your breath when you are hurting emotionally on the brink of maybe losing your mate. I wish someone had told me that when I was in similair circumstances.
There is no rush to end the actual marriage. Divorce is not a new slate. it has much more pain than what I experienced before the divorce. And my children were hurt more than I could have ever known. Everyone's relationships are different so I don't presume to know the answers for you Piper. I just want to encourage you to seek Christian council and hang out with good Christian people who respect God's Word. Don't isolate yourself no matter how much you feel like you have to. one day at a time. In Jesus, lynn
Thank you, and I appreciate and value any words from those that have walked the path before me.
Time is essential; I have been separated for almost a year, after many years of effort and finally one last try with a family intervention, it still took me another 9 months after that to realize (the intervention was around alcohol abuse) that his choice to continue in his lifestyle is actually a c
hoice. And that what he chose.
When I left, it was with as much honour to him as I thought possible. I wanted each of my steps to cause the least amount of trauma to myself, or my 2 kiddos. My husbands percpetion would no doubt be slightly different. The 3 of us have flourished, have been so happy and all of us maintain a wonderful surface relationship with my husband/their dad. (impossible to get into a meaningful relationship with actively drinking)
Anyway, our son heads off to finish his high school in another province, and my daughter asked if she and I could go with him.
The seed was planted. Recently, I went to visit the town he would go to, and I love it. When I came back, my husband asked me if we could continue the division of assets etc. He is ready to move on with his life. I was so sad at first, the night I wrote this original post was when the call took place. I hadn't realized that i was hanging on to a thread of hope.
Today, I feel empowered. God directs my steps. Its still scary --
I know I need a lot of encouragement to continue the journey, however, I just can't help but feel excited too.
Divorce is not something I feel I need to even think about.....the Lord will let me know if and when.
Thank you, thank you for your encouraging words!!!
