Trust muscle

[Sirk]

So many of us have had our trust broken in our formative years. This broken trust is in large part the reason I have struggled in relationship and probably is a big reason I am divorced. I am remarried to a wonderful wife but I have to work daily to be vulnerable. I ask you veterans....what are some ways and strategies that you exercise and strengthen your trust muscle?

 

[Joidevivre]

This is a good posting. But after 20 more years older than you, I finally realized that if Jesus trusted no man because he knew what was in the heart of man, why should I?

What I trust is God's presence with that person now. I don't trust anyone. Not even my husband. But because of my husband's love for the Lord, it has spilled over into actions towards me.

People just can't be trusted because their flesh always leans towards selfishness. All we can look for in a person are the fruits of the Holy Spirit (love, joy, peace, etc.) to know that they have that intimacy with the Lord and the presence of the Holy Spirit to help them.

Only the Lord can be 100% trusted.

 

[Sirk]

while what you say is true we still have to work at trusting. So many of us act on that broken or weak trust muscle when things rub up against painful emotion and that is when we hurt those we are supposed to love.

 

[Joidevivre]

You might need someone to pray with you for the healing of past hurts. It is amazing what the body of Christians can give you. I'm not talking about a site like this. But finding a pastor or another man who will pray with you, and discern the words needed in that prayer and/or the Lord's healing words to you.

Painful emotions can be healed, and the pain leave. What you are then left with is a strength that comes from that place that even brings more compassion for others. I have been greatly broken and hurt in the past, yet because of the healing I've had, there is no more rawness or pain - and now the Lord uses me to pray with other women.

There is a great book out somewhere. I think the name of it is "The Wounded Healer".

I just don't think your problem is "trusting" - I think you just might need deep healing.

 

[Sirk]

There is no question I need deep healing. Don't we all? I guess I thought it was a lifelong process. Have you arrived at your destination?

 

[Joidevivre]

Yes - absolutely. It is as if I've never been hurt. My name says it all: Joidevivre

There is a deep deep joy in my spirit. And that joy I carry through everything difficult now. Through my husband's heart attacks, through sickness, through it all.

 

[Sirk]

I hate to be a killjoy but it says "if any man says he has no sin, he is a liar and the truth is not in him".

 

[Joidevivre]

I didn't say I had no sin. In my flesh dwells no good thing. And I sin. However, I am also in Christ, and He in me. His presence in me is my joy and my peace. And His unconditional love for me is comforting. How could I not be happy?

I only testify to what He has done with this sinful person and what the power of the Holy Spirit can do with a life. Not my sinless perfection (which I will never have) but only His power which comes from His grace and mercy to me.

 

[Jeff_56]

and, the sin needs to be repented of, for those in the body of Christ. (obviously, those outside of Christ do not repent).

this includes repentance for divorce. and even moreso(and maybe much much harder) repentance for marrying someone who was divorced or repentance for getting married again when the first spouse is still alive. but the repentance has to be real, not put on. and no church in the world will help with this.... except the few places where they are abiding in Him daily, doing His Will, just like the disciples who stayed with Jesus and didn't walk away from Him.

all sin will potentially , and has greatly just in watching/observing others/churches and out of churches,
detract from fellowship with God and greatly reduces any testimony in Jesus when sin remains unrepented of.

it has been, and maybe often is, and can be a grueling process, all the harder because people in general, christians even in particular, do not practice repentance in their lives nor require it of others IN the body of Christ, so the evil stain remains in the midst of the congregation and is observable to those outside. a clean heart, a clean conscience (see Hebrews - it is WONDERFUL) before God, a clean and true testimony of Jesus, and cleansing by His BLOOD, is the way Scripture says the ekklesia OVERCOME...... .......

 

[Angela53510]

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding,
In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths." Prov. 3:-6

I meditated on this passage for 2 years, every morning for half an hour. Each day, I grew to trust Jesus more. Each day, I learned to not trust my understanding (consisting of all the hurts, problems, physical pain, etc) but to trust in God. Because of that, God really did straighten, (or some versions say "direct") my paths.

Sometimes we do need personal counselling, but the Word of God is the best counsel of all.

Praying you can find the peace to trust God, which will then help you trust your spouse who is a gift from God.

 

[Sirk]

I understand our perfection in Christ but there are three types of man. The natural man (which is an unsaved person) the spiritual man and the fleshly man (which are both saved) but the difference is that a saved person will fluctuate between the flesh and spirit. In other words they will at different times put their soul (their flesh) above their spirit. (See 1corinthians 2:13 -15). You indicated you have "arrived".

 

[Joidevivre]

Yep - I have arrived at my destination. My destination was not to be perfectly sinless (no one can), but my destination was to find that love and acceptance and new life in Christ. I have it! And to know that I've been given the righteousness of Christ as a free gift. And to know that at all times I'm covered by His blood.

And yes, there are times I put my soul above my spirit and the Lord speaks to me about that. Instantly, I repent and know I"m forgiven. But, on the other hand, the more I now enjoy being in my destination which was to be in Christ, the more I move with His Spirit and not my flesh.

 

[Joidevivre]

I also should have said my destination was to find peace with God. Jesus paid the price for that. Now nothing stands between me and my God. Because when God looks at me, he sees the righteousness of Christ covering me. He sees the blood of Christ cleansing me of all unrighteousness. And all because I'm in Christ.

To not believe this is to stay in torment all your life.

 

[Sirk]

Well I know a few spiritual heavyweights personally and none of them would ever claim to have "arrived" so you'll have to pardon my skepticism.

 

[Sirk]

....and on top of that, it is impossible to live a life that does nothing out of selfish ambition and it is equally as impossible to be aware of the myriad of ways that one does says or otherwise lives their life with selfish motivations.

 

[tenderhearted]

Well it really helps me to study the character of God. When it comes down to, it's all about the way we perceive things. The way we perceive God. When we truly grasp who he is then fear loses it's grip on us. It helps to pray for a renewed mind daily. To give God control of our lives. It's a process.