J
1. My mom just told me yesterday that her dr thinks she has cancer. It's likely that its at an early stage but because of her overall health it's unlikely she will be able to have surgery. In addition she's an insulin dependent diabetic and she's had to call the ambulance several times because she wakes up in the middle of the night with extremely low blood sugar. She is a Christian.
For the past two yrs I've been feeling like she's going to die soon. She's only 53 but if you knew her she acts and feels 70. She also believe she will die soon. I'm not afraid of her dying... and God smite if I'm wrong but I kind of hope she does...and quickly. It's not because I hate her. I just know she's had such a difficult life that she deserve the break for once.
2. If anxiety doesn't kill me I think I may live forever. I have PTSD and struggle with anxiety and depression. It's difficult in my relationship because my bf has never been depressed a day in his life. He's had anxiety for a season, but he doesn't have it now. The other day i really saw how much he cant understand. He asked me how i was and i said ok. somehow we got to talking about what ok meant. i used to not be able to say ok. i had no clue what it meant, but one day soneone defined it for me. Ok-life is hard God is bigger and ill have the victory. However, my bf only has two levels: good and bad. Ok means good.
I feel pretty much disabled by it all. I certainly have my good days, but there are days when I just can't function in anymore than just doing what I need to do to get through the day. I can get myself out of bed. I can eat. I can read and write and pray, but anymore than that and I collapse.
This morning was especially hard and I chose to put off my running til tonight. I probably could have forced myself to run but then I would have been rushing from one thing to another and never had tie to deal with anything. As it stands I got out of bed through about 45 mins of fitful prayer, ate breakfast, pulled out my bible and I've been praying and reading almost non-stop since I got up.
I hate this. I feel like I can't function in real life. I can work to a point but the moment I start to feel depressed or anxious I have to disappear. I can't take 3 mins at my desk and recenter. It doesn't work. I need absolute absence of sound except for maybe some music, people, and sometimes light. I feel like I need to hide in a closet to get back on my feet and I hate it.
For the past two yrs I've been feeling like she's going to die soon. She's only 53 but if you knew her she acts and feels 70. She also believe she will die soon. I'm not afraid of her dying... and God smite if I'm wrong but I kind of hope she does...and quickly. It's not because I hate her. I just know she's had such a difficult life that she deserve the break for once.
2. If anxiety doesn't kill me I think I may live forever. I have PTSD and struggle with anxiety and depression. It's difficult in my relationship because my bf has never been depressed a day in his life. He's had anxiety for a season, but he doesn't have it now. The other day i really saw how much he cant understand. He asked me how i was and i said ok. somehow we got to talking about what ok meant. i used to not be able to say ok. i had no clue what it meant, but one day soneone defined it for me. Ok-life is hard God is bigger and ill have the victory. However, my bf only has two levels: good and bad. Ok means good.
I feel pretty much disabled by it all. I certainly have my good days, but there are days when I just can't function in anymore than just doing what I need to do to get through the day. I can get myself out of bed. I can eat. I can read and write and pray, but anymore than that and I collapse.
This morning was especially hard and I chose to put off my running til tonight. I probably could have forced myself to run but then I would have been rushing from one thing to another and never had tie to deal with anything. As it stands I got out of bed through about 45 mins of fitful prayer, ate breakfast, pulled out my bible and I've been praying and reading almost non-stop since I got up.
I hate this. I feel like I can't function in real life. I can work to a point but the moment I start to feel depressed or anxious I have to disappear. I can't take 3 mins at my desk and recenter. It doesn't work. I need absolute absence of sound except for maybe some music, people, and sometimes light. I feel like I need to hide in a closet to get back on my feet and I hate it.
